Some parts of this challenge are so intense. I love blogging about fun stuff, or at least use wit for the heavy topics. There are so many issues that I'm passionate about. I'm both passionate and compassionate. I have a sensitivity towards the human condition especially when it comes to rights. Never dubbed myself as an activist but I will voice out my opinions. So what are we overlooking as humanity?
I was thinking about discussing child abuse that is inclusive of male children. Then me thinks, maybe let's talk about colourism in media. I could go to town with that one. And then I thought about the gender pay gap which I myself have been subjected to. Cultural appropriation thoroughly irks me to the core. And then a light bulb lit over my head.
In the last few months I have discussed about a grave problem in modern society. Toxic masculinity! Now this is something that society has let slide. Toxic masculinity is destroying the essence of humanity.
So what is this toxic masculinity? Wikipedia defines it as adherence to traditional male gender roles that restrict boys and men to express certain types of emotions. These include social expectations like men seeking to be dominant (the alpha male) and limit their emotional range primarily to expressions of anger.
The urban dictionary defines toxic masculinity as a term that describes narrow repressive type of ideas about the male gender roles that defines masculinity. Toxic masculinity is the cause for sexism, gender based violence, child abuse and homophobia. To some extent it overflows to xenophobia and racism.
Within my family, I have experienced better relationships with male relatives compared to the women. My father, uncles and brothers, support my endeavours without bias towards my gender. That can't be said about society at large. The disillusionment of respectful relationships between the sexes is unfortunately evident. For the purpose of this conversation and my personal definition, I will use the word 'male' instead of 'men'.
Let's carry on. A former male colleague of mine shared that my presence has taught him to be 'woke' towards gender issues. He shared that he was more aware of women's struggles. He even shared that his attitudes towards the LGBTQ community were also slowly changing. I can't say much for a guy that I was once seeing. He is the full blown example of toxic masculinity! His perceptions of women are sexists and condescending. I got rid of that energy but it's sad that some female will fall for that ignorance. (Making a crucifix and praying hands.)
What are some of these toxic ideologies and expectations from the male species. We have full breasts, and you have testicles, so why are we competing? Competition between the sexes is often cultivated in the home. Most parents offer male children privileges over their daughters. This notion is perpetuated further in institutions such as schools and even places of religious worship. By the time that we enter the working world, conversations around #MeToo are created. Why can't we raise human beings who can equally contribute positively and productively to society?
The battle of the sexes continues with the notion that females and male can't have an understanding. There is a word in the dictionary called 'COMMUNICATION.' I believe that's the key element to any form of understanding between the sexes, and human beings at large. Why can't men and women share platonic relationships? Do we always have to engage in coitus during interactions. Why can't my male friend buy me a Range Rover as a gift without the exchange of sex? Why can't I take my male colleagues on a trip to Bali without the perception of desperation on my part? Can we not all impart meaningful friendships that don't include sex in them?
'Boys don't cry,' and that's very sad. Crying for males is considered a trait that's not masculine. Shame, no wonder the male species has a shorter life span than women. All that bottled up emotion. I love a man who cries. It doesn't make him a sissy. I watched my father shed tears when my mum passed away. He had lost the love of his life. I allow my nephews to show emotion and express those emotions. It is male culture not to talk about problems. But a problem told, is a problem solved. We understand why they don't like therapy but how do you expect to experience healthy relationships whilst carrying emotional and mental toxins? We need to do better as a society and protect the wellness of our men. That means we need to teach our sons, brothers, fathers, partners and husbands healthy ways of expressing negative emotions. I am getting to know of others.
In my early life, I assumed that only girls and women were abused. Only when I came across a story about male children who were molested did my eyes open. Years later, I read about actor Pearce Brosnan's abuse by a Catholic priest. According to statistics, at least one in six men has been sexually abused or assaulted. These incidences often occur before a male turns eighteen. However, due to society's stereotypes about manhood, few men ever disclose their experiences. Award winning director Tyler Perry disclosed his experiences of molestation on Oprah. This revelation somewhat opened up the discussion about abuse against males. At the height of the #MeToo movement, actor Terry Crews revealed that he was sexually assaulted by another man in the industry. Recently, Charlamagne tha god and Kenny Latimore shared their stories about being violated as children. A number of incarcerated males statistically are recorded to experience sexual violence often perpetrated by fellow inmates or prison staff during their prison sentences.
When males are abused, society ridicules them for not being man enough. In most stories, the abuse comes from other males with warped mentalities. Males can be abused physically and emotionally by their partners, or by family members. This often leads to mental illnesses, unhealthy coping mechanisms i.e. alcoholism, substance abuse etc, and suicide. We as a society need to revise our perceptions of abuse, limiting it to only women. Our sons, nephews, uncles, fathers, brothers and husbands need to have safe spaces to share their traumas and receive assistance to heal.
Still on the subject of violence, can we talk. As highlighted in the definition, most males' emotional range is limited to anger. We often find that fighting is considered a macho thing. It makes one a 'man' when he can humiliate the next individual through physical violence. For this reason we have seen the increase of gender based violence against women, children and even hate crimes against the LGBTQ community. Some males believe that they need to beat the 'gay' out of homosexual males and rape lesbians. Actor Jussie Smollet might have cried wolf however hate crimes in the United States alone, have risen in the past decade. According to an article in The Guardian, the hate crime rate per capita in the UK, rose by 144% between 2013- 2014 and 2017 - 2018. In Brazil, it was estimated that 420 violent deaths due to hate crimes occurred in 2018. Humiliating members of the LGBTQ community through violence doesn't make any male a man.
The baffling notion of double standards is a key element of toxic masculinity. Males are praised for their sexuality whilst women are degraded and chastised. A male who has multiple sexual partners is glorified by society. Males have been given the pass to cheat because oh well, 'men cheat'. A male who sleeps around or steps out of what is meant to be a monogamous relationship is not a 'man'. A male who verbally abuses, or cat calls women is not a 'man'. Boys, if you want to speak to a woman, pull up your pants, step up to her and politely hold a conversation. Use real poetry lines instead of lame bars. If she doesn't reciprocate your advances or general conversation, respectfully excuse yourself and leave. We are tired of the disrespectful cat calls and insults. Such behaviour doesn't make any male a man. Let's get that clear!
"If you are man enough to lay around, you should be man enough to stay around," Kirk Franklin and God's Property.
In a speech Barack Obama stated that there's a huge difference between a father and just a sperm donor. He challenged the male species to take responsibility and be involved in their children's lives. However, toxic masculinity celebrates 'baby daddy' culture. A male is given props for having children with several women. Such a mentality has ripple effects on society as a whole. We have broken adults with daddy issues. We have broken families due to the lack of male authority within the home. Males who sire children need to grow up, step up and be involved
in their children's lives. If you aren't ready for responsibility for the next human being, don't be careless with your own being.
FYI, the colour pink was originally a colour for boys until a department store in the 1960s swapped the blue for girls and pink for boys. Wearing pink as a male doesn't emasculate you. I love me a man in a pink shirt! Toxic masculinity says that if a male participates in 'so-called' feminine interests he's gay, or a sissy. Self care isn't limited to femaledom. Real men take care of themselves from head to toe and inside their soul. That means taking a shower every single living day of one's life. Real men invest in therapy so that they can have better relationships and wholesome lives. So what he cooks, he can braid hair or even design couture dresses? Gifts vary in different individuals, and every human is entitled to maximise on their talents. It is actually sexist to attribute certain interests to being female only. Let's watch 'Love & Hip Hop' together as a general guilty pleasure that has nothing to do with gender.
I exhausted this topic, so let's move on to my definition of a man. What is a man? A man is beyond possessing the anatomy of the male species. A man is a human being who is accountable, and responsible. He safeguards the sanctity of all human life without prejudice. Instead of using brute, a real man tackles disputes with wit. A real man does not demean women and children to stroke his ego. Neither does he need to be promiscuous to prove his masculinity. A real man is respectful and intentional with his interactions with a potential love interest. He commits himself to self control and delayed gratification.
Yes, these unicorns do exist! We have men who are stepping up to the plate to right the wrongs of toxic masculinity. They are dealing with their personal traumas and rebuilding relationships. They are playing active roles in the wellness and development of their children. Others are adopting, to cover the gap of a fatherless society. These men are challenging the status quo, standing as allies to the plight of women in the workplace, home and society at large. These men are chastising their fellow males to be responsible adults with respect to family and relationships. Our job as a society is to deconstruct the toxic masculinity definition of a man. We need to raise our boys to become real men instead of grown male children. We need to teach our sons to express themselves emotionally in full range, so that we have mentally healthy men. Our boys need to learn to respect women, so that as men they will protect them.
Programs such as 'Be that Man' that are engaging males to become 'MEN'. We need such programs in other churches, schools and in society. Radio personality and author, Charlamagne tha god, has admitted to reforming from his previous comments and behaviours towards women. He has admitted that looking back, those actions were sexist. Actor Dondré Whitfield in a discussion on the podcast, Small Doses, also discussed at length 'toxic masculinity.' He shared that he is an ally to the plight of women's rights. He has also shared that he chooses to be an examplary husband and father. We need more men and less of grown male children in our society.
We need to rebuild families and protect our children's rights. We need to deconstruct the male gaze and perception. Respect and tolerance for individual or community freedoms must be enforced. We thank Gillette for the #MeToo razor advert. The ad shows men intervening to stop fights between boys. They also call other men out when they say sexually inappropriate things to women in the streets. Nike's 'Dream Crazy' campaign served to empower women's emotions and reactions in a positive light. We need to see more brands tackle toxic masculinity.
I'm now out of breath! I have so much to say, statistics to pull out but I need you to meditate upon this conversation.
I am here to advocate for the 'REAL MEN'...
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
I was thinking about discussing child abuse that is inclusive of male children. Then me thinks, maybe let's talk about colourism in media. I could go to town with that one. And then I thought about the gender pay gap which I myself have been subjected to. Cultural appropriation thoroughly irks me to the core. And then a light bulb lit over my head.
In the last few months I have discussed about a grave problem in modern society. Toxic masculinity! Now this is something that society has let slide. Toxic masculinity is destroying the essence of humanity.
So what is this toxic masculinity? Wikipedia defines it as adherence to traditional male gender roles that restrict boys and men to express certain types of emotions. These include social expectations like men seeking to be dominant (the alpha male) and limit their emotional range primarily to expressions of anger.
The urban dictionary defines toxic masculinity as a term that describes narrow repressive type of ideas about the male gender roles that defines masculinity. Toxic masculinity is the cause for sexism, gender based violence, child abuse and homophobia. To some extent it overflows to xenophobia and racism.
Within my family, I have experienced better relationships with male relatives compared to the women. My father, uncles and brothers, support my endeavours without bias towards my gender. That can't be said about society at large. The disillusionment of respectful relationships between the sexes is unfortunately evident. For the purpose of this conversation and my personal definition, I will use the word 'male' instead of 'men'.
Let's carry on. A former male colleague of mine shared that my presence has taught him to be 'woke' towards gender issues. He shared that he was more aware of women's struggles. He even shared that his attitudes towards the LGBTQ community were also slowly changing. I can't say much for a guy that I was once seeing. He is the full blown example of toxic masculinity! His perceptions of women are sexists and condescending. I got rid of that energy but it's sad that some female will fall for that ignorance. (Making a crucifix and praying hands.)
What are some of these toxic ideologies and expectations from the male species. We have full breasts, and you have testicles, so why are we competing? Competition between the sexes is often cultivated in the home. Most parents offer male children privileges over their daughters. This notion is perpetuated further in institutions such as schools and even places of religious worship. By the time that we enter the working world, conversations around #MeToo are created. Why can't we raise human beings who can equally contribute positively and productively to society?
The battle of the sexes continues with the notion that females and male can't have an understanding. There is a word in the dictionary called 'COMMUNICATION.' I believe that's the key element to any form of understanding between the sexes, and human beings at large. Why can't men and women share platonic relationships? Do we always have to engage in coitus during interactions. Why can't my male friend buy me a Range Rover as a gift without the exchange of sex? Why can't I take my male colleagues on a trip to Bali without the perception of desperation on my part? Can we not all impart meaningful friendships that don't include sex in them?
'Boys don't cry,' and that's very sad. Crying for males is considered a trait that's not masculine. Shame, no wonder the male species has a shorter life span than women. All that bottled up emotion. I love a man who cries. It doesn't make him a sissy. I watched my father shed tears when my mum passed away. He had lost the love of his life. I allow my nephews to show emotion and express those emotions. It is male culture not to talk about problems. But a problem told, is a problem solved. We understand why they don't like therapy but how do you expect to experience healthy relationships whilst carrying emotional and mental toxins? We need to do better as a society and protect the wellness of our men. That means we need to teach our sons, brothers, fathers, partners and husbands healthy ways of expressing negative emotions. I am getting to know of others.
In my early life, I assumed that only girls and women were abused. Only when I came across a story about male children who were molested did my eyes open. Years later, I read about actor Pearce Brosnan's abuse by a Catholic priest. According to statistics, at least one in six men has been sexually abused or assaulted. These incidences often occur before a male turns eighteen. However, due to society's stereotypes about manhood, few men ever disclose their experiences. Award winning director Tyler Perry disclosed his experiences of molestation on Oprah. This revelation somewhat opened up the discussion about abuse against males. At the height of the #MeToo movement, actor Terry Crews revealed that he was sexually assaulted by another man in the industry. Recently, Charlamagne tha god and Kenny Latimore shared their stories about being violated as children. A number of incarcerated males statistically are recorded to experience sexual violence often perpetrated by fellow inmates or prison staff during their prison sentences.
When males are abused, society ridicules them for not being man enough. In most stories, the abuse comes from other males with warped mentalities. Males can be abused physically and emotionally by their partners, or by family members. This often leads to mental illnesses, unhealthy coping mechanisms i.e. alcoholism, substance abuse etc, and suicide. We as a society need to revise our perceptions of abuse, limiting it to only women. Our sons, nephews, uncles, fathers, brothers and husbands need to have safe spaces to share their traumas and receive assistance to heal.
Still on the subject of violence, can we talk. As highlighted in the definition, most males' emotional range is limited to anger. We often find that fighting is considered a macho thing. It makes one a 'man' when he can humiliate the next individual through physical violence. For this reason we have seen the increase of gender based violence against women, children and even hate crimes against the LGBTQ community. Some males believe that they need to beat the 'gay' out of homosexual males and rape lesbians. Actor Jussie Smollet might have cried wolf however hate crimes in the United States alone, have risen in the past decade. According to an article in The Guardian, the hate crime rate per capita in the UK, rose by 144% between 2013- 2014 and 2017 - 2018. In Brazil, it was estimated that 420 violent deaths due to hate crimes occurred in 2018. Humiliating members of the LGBTQ community through violence doesn't make any male a man.
The baffling notion of double standards is a key element of toxic masculinity. Males are praised for their sexuality whilst women are degraded and chastised. A male who has multiple sexual partners is glorified by society. Males have been given the pass to cheat because oh well, 'men cheat'. A male who sleeps around or steps out of what is meant to be a monogamous relationship is not a 'man'. A male who verbally abuses, or cat calls women is not a 'man'. Boys, if you want to speak to a woman, pull up your pants, step up to her and politely hold a conversation. Use real poetry lines instead of lame bars. If she doesn't reciprocate your advances or general conversation, respectfully excuse yourself and leave. We are tired of the disrespectful cat calls and insults. Such behaviour doesn't make any male a man. Let's get that clear!
"If you are man enough to lay around, you should be man enough to stay around," Kirk Franklin and God's Property.
In a speech Barack Obama stated that there's a huge difference between a father and just a sperm donor. He challenged the male species to take responsibility and be involved in their children's lives. However, toxic masculinity celebrates 'baby daddy' culture. A male is given props for having children with several women. Such a mentality has ripple effects on society as a whole. We have broken adults with daddy issues. We have broken families due to the lack of male authority within the home. Males who sire children need to grow up, step up and be involved
in their children's lives. If you aren't ready for responsibility for the next human being, don't be careless with your own being.
FYI, the colour pink was originally a colour for boys until a department store in the 1960s swapped the blue for girls and pink for boys. Wearing pink as a male doesn't emasculate you. I love me a man in a pink shirt! Toxic masculinity says that if a male participates in 'so-called' feminine interests he's gay, or a sissy. Self care isn't limited to femaledom. Real men take care of themselves from head to toe and inside their soul. That means taking a shower every single living day of one's life. Real men invest in therapy so that they can have better relationships and wholesome lives. So what he cooks, he can braid hair or even design couture dresses? Gifts vary in different individuals, and every human is entitled to maximise on their talents. It is actually sexist to attribute certain interests to being female only. Let's watch 'Love & Hip Hop' together as a general guilty pleasure that has nothing to do with gender.
I exhausted this topic, so let's move on to my definition of a man. What is a man? A man is beyond possessing the anatomy of the male species. A man is a human being who is accountable, and responsible. He safeguards the sanctity of all human life without prejudice. Instead of using brute, a real man tackles disputes with wit. A real man does not demean women and children to stroke his ego. Neither does he need to be promiscuous to prove his masculinity. A real man is respectful and intentional with his interactions with a potential love interest. He commits himself to self control and delayed gratification.
Yes, these unicorns do exist! We have men who are stepping up to the plate to right the wrongs of toxic masculinity. They are dealing with their personal traumas and rebuilding relationships. They are playing active roles in the wellness and development of their children. Others are adopting, to cover the gap of a fatherless society. These men are challenging the status quo, standing as allies to the plight of women in the workplace, home and society at large. These men are chastising their fellow males to be responsible adults with respect to family and relationships. Our job as a society is to deconstruct the toxic masculinity definition of a man. We need to raise our boys to become real men instead of grown male children. We need to teach our sons to express themselves emotionally in full range, so that we have mentally healthy men. Our boys need to learn to respect women, so that as men they will protect them.
Programs such as 'Be that Man' that are engaging males to become 'MEN'. We need such programs in other churches, schools and in society. Radio personality and author, Charlamagne tha god, has admitted to reforming from his previous comments and behaviours towards women. He has admitted that looking back, those actions were sexist. Actor Dondré Whitfield in a discussion on the podcast, Small Doses, also discussed at length 'toxic masculinity.' He shared that he is an ally to the plight of women's rights. He has also shared that he chooses to be an examplary husband and father. We need more men and less of grown male children in our society.
We need to rebuild families and protect our children's rights. We need to deconstruct the male gaze and perception. Respect and tolerance for individual or community freedoms must be enforced. We thank Gillette for the #MeToo razor advert. The ad shows men intervening to stop fights between boys. They also call other men out when they say sexually inappropriate things to women in the streets. Nike's 'Dream Crazy' campaign served to empower women's emotions and reactions in a positive light. We need to see more brands tackle toxic masculinity.
I'm now out of breath! I have so much to say, statistics to pull out but I need you to meditate upon this conversation.
I am here to advocate for the 'REAL MEN'...
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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