Let this be the last time that I am stupid in love!
To quote Bob Marley, 'The biggest coward of a man, is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.' No intentions are still intentions and usually cruel intentions.
I'm a bitter woman. I'm mad as hell. How did I let that ugly mother****er make me look stupid? Little did I know that I was just setting myself up to feeling dumb and dumber. I'm a clown!
So I took the step and reached out to him to get closure. I needed to gather my thoughts and emotions so that I could speak to him calmly. Parce que IRL, I'm on that Lemonade Beyoncé woman scorned level.
The initial call that I made, he blew me off. So I took defeat. However, he called back an hour later and the conversation came. My biggest question was 'Why?'. Why pursue me when you already had someone else whom you wanted to give what I myself wanted. Marriage! What was your intention and outcome from all this? I reiterate that I made my intentions very clear with him from the word go. I remember that the first day that we met, I was looking for a husband. But in hindsight, the biggest red flag was the first day that he and I met.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Dr Maya Angelou.
He didn't give me clear answers. What I concluded is from what he did say and that aligned with his actions. He made it clear how he felt about me. Es una serpiente de corazón frÃo. There's no romanticism about the relationship or him.
What was the purpose for this conversation?
Accountability! For every action there are repercussions. If you claim, or say that you care about someone you don't choose to hurt them. According to the Webster's Dictionary, accountability is: "the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for one's actions." Accountability is a sign of maturity. I believe that a gentleman always has integrity. Integrity is a character quality that one chooses. Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
Asking for accountability on my part means I care enough for your personal growth. We are allowed to verbalise how we expect and want to be treated by the people we love. It is a simple, human expectation. Accountability means emotional intelligence as well. Simply put, apply the golden rule.
I believe that I deserved the truth, no matter how much it would hurt. Sadly the one who loves the most, gets hurt the most and is at the greatest loss. I referred to Jordin Sparks', 'Was I the Only One' off her 2009 album 'Battlefield'.
Was I the only one who fell in love?
There never really was the two of us.
And maybe my all just wasn't good enough.
Was I the only one, only one, in love?"
At the end of it all, it was all in my head. What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be. Again, I'm not going to romanticise all this. His actions were cruel. No intentions are still intentions and usually cruel intentions. What's sad, and hurts the most is that I don't hate him. Despite his hurtful actions towards me, I have strong feelings for him.
What was the purpose for this conversation?
Closure. Closure refers to having a sense of understanding, peace, and accepted finality of the relationship whether it's ended because of loss, rejection, or growing apart. The need for closure, helps one get answers and resolution that they move on.
As I continue to process my grief, because all this feels like 'death', I'm giving myself a reality check. But I need to heal and move on from the scene of the accident. "Someone should have said to me, slow down, you're gonna crash, and you're going to drive off the hill. Slow, you're gonna burn; you're going to hit the wall. Slow down, because you were an accident waiting to happen, or maybe a car going nowhere. Slow down; think about it before you take this journey."
In this reflection of the non-closure conversation, I acknowledge that the healing is my responsibility. It’s said that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. According to dating and relationship experts the no contact takes a minimum of 60 days to be effective. That's the equivalent of an average of 2 months. And it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media. And in this case, we all know that there will be no need for the aforementioned por que...
Research states it takes 6 to 8 months to forgive someone who hurt you. In addition those who reflected more on their relationships over a nine week period have a stronger overall recovery from their breakup or heartbreak.
In the words of The Braxtons, "Only love knows how."
Ebyen sa fè m mal mwen pa merite blese. Se sèl bondye ki konnen.
Again, you don't purposely hurt the ones that you claim to care about. You don't pursue someone because you are 'nice.' Nice is for biscuits. If you are a good person, you take accountability for your actions. The wound is not my fault, I led with my heart and believed in the good, but I'm responsible for my healing. I need to heal so that I'm open to the one who deserves me, and treats me well. While I take responsibility for ignoring the writings on the wall, I don't deserve this hurt. But it will get better in time.
The healing timeline is June 1st. But until then, I will have to process the grief. And it sucks most because I care about him ... still.
But I will survive. To err is human, but to forgive is divine.
I will survive.
I'm a bitter woman. I'm mad as hell. How did I let that ugly mother****er make me look stupid? Little did I know that I was just setting myself up to feeling dumb and dumber. I'm a clown!
So I took the step and reached out to him to get closure. I needed to gather my thoughts and emotions so that I could speak to him calmly. Parce que IRL, I'm on that Lemonade Beyoncé woman scorned level.
The initial call that I made, he blew me off. So I took defeat. However, he called back an hour later and the conversation came. My biggest question was 'Why?'. Why pursue me when you already had someone else whom you wanted to give what I myself wanted. Marriage! What was your intention and outcome from all this? I reiterate that I made my intentions very clear with him from the word go. I remember that the first day that we met, I was looking for a husband. But in hindsight, the biggest red flag was the first day that he and I met.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them. Dr Maya Angelou.
He didn't give me clear answers. What I concluded is from what he did say and that aligned with his actions. He made it clear how he felt about me. Es una serpiente de corazón frÃo. There's no romanticism about the relationship or him.
What was the purpose for this conversation?
Accountability! For every action there are repercussions. If you claim, or say that you care about someone you don't choose to hurt them. According to the Webster's Dictionary, accountability is: "the obligation or willingness to accept responsibility for one's actions." Accountability is a sign of maturity. I believe that a gentleman always has integrity. Integrity is a character quality that one chooses. Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles.
Asking for accountability on my part means I care enough for your personal growth. We are allowed to verbalise how we expect and want to be treated by the people we love. It is a simple, human expectation. Accountability means emotional intelligence as well. Simply put, apply the golden rule.
I believe that I deserved the truth, no matter how much it would hurt. Sadly the one who loves the most, gets hurt the most and is at the greatest loss. I referred to Jordin Sparks', 'Was I the Only One' off her 2009 album 'Battlefield'.
Was I the only one who fell in love?
There never really was the two of us.
And maybe my all just wasn't good enough.
Was I the only one, only one, in love?"
At the end of it all, it was all in my head. What screws us up most in life is the picture in our head of how it’s supposed to be. Again, I'm not going to romanticise all this. His actions were cruel. No intentions are still intentions and usually cruel intentions. What's sad, and hurts the most is that I don't hate him. Despite his hurtful actions towards me, I have strong feelings for him.
What was the purpose for this conversation?
Closure. Closure refers to having a sense of understanding, peace, and accepted finality of the relationship whether it's ended because of loss, rejection, or growing apart. The need for closure, helps one get answers and resolution that they move on.
As I continue to process my grief, because all this feels like 'death', I'm giving myself a reality check. But I need to heal and move on from the scene of the accident. "Someone should have said to me, slow down, you're gonna crash, and you're going to drive off the hill. Slow, you're gonna burn; you're going to hit the wall. Slow down, because you were an accident waiting to happen, or maybe a car going nowhere. Slow down; think about it before you take this journey."
In this reflection of the non-closure conversation, I acknowledge that the healing is my responsibility. It’s said that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. According to dating and relationship experts the no contact takes a minimum of 60 days to be effective. That's the equivalent of an average of 2 months. And it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media. And in this case, we all know that there will be no need for the aforementioned por que...
Research states it takes 6 to 8 months to forgive someone who hurt you. In addition those who reflected more on their relationships over a nine week period have a stronger overall recovery from their breakup or heartbreak.
In the words of The Braxtons, "Only love knows how."
Ebyen sa fè m mal mwen pa merite blese. Se sèl bondye ki konnen.
Again, you don't purposely hurt the ones that you claim to care about. You don't pursue someone because you are 'nice.' Nice is for biscuits. If you are a good person, you take accountability for your actions. The wound is not my fault, I led with my heart and believed in the good, but I'm responsible for my healing. I need to heal so that I'm open to the one who deserves me, and treats me well. While I take responsibility for ignoring the writings on the wall, I don't deserve this hurt. But it will get better in time.
The healing timeline is June 1st. But until then, I will have to process the grief. And it sucks most because I care about him ... still.
But I will survive. To err is human, but to forgive is divine.
I will survive.
Love doesn't hurt, choosing the wrong person does.
Love doesn't hurt, choosing the wrong person does.
Always choose love. Real love.
P.S. : Always write your own love story.
Lady E
Ciao!
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