Female friendships need to come to the place of acceptance through individual differences.
Otherwise we will continue to write the narrative that women cannot get along. Female friendships, not my favourite topic. It's a complex dynamic that I am still learning. I have never hidden my personal challenges with my younger sister. As we try to go beyond sibling rivalry, what I would love most is a friendship. With the fewer female friends within my circle, our challenge is time, and really connecting with depth. With some, we have fallen into the passive-aggressive path, which we really need to work out.
As a lone ranger in femaledom, my perception of female friendships is negative. As an outsider, most female relationships tend to be riddled with conflict. It's jealousy, gossip, projection, obsession, gas lighting and a lot of small talk. I remember one time working with female cousins, where one cousin tried to get me fired. I'm sorry, I'm working on that forgiveness thing, but I didn't hang on a cross for nobody. I have also observed other females around me and how they function in their friendships. Lawd, telenovelas have nothing on what happens IRL. But life balances itself. I have also experienced positive female relationships. My older sister and I are sharing our journeys of growth and self love. I have several young women whom I have adopted as sisters, and I assist them through womanhood and life. I have close female cousins whom I share a healthy support system - emotionally, financially and spiritually. My bestie remains my friend of over two decades. There's a circle of women whom we have a mutual love and respect and often benefits us on the career landscape.
Thank God for art imitating life because we can all escape to what we would love our lives to be. I live vicariously through visuals and sound. This week's flicks encompass the big and small screen. I look at the theme of female friendships and sisterhoods. What would it be like to have girlfriends whom you share vodka and ice cream with? Or a best friend whom you run a successful business with? How about going on a girls trip? Well, let's dive right into the scripts that reflect female friendships.
The Big Screen a.k.a Movies
Girls Trip
Hands down, 'Girls Trip' is the funniest girlfriends movie to date. The 2018 film by Will Packer reunites 'Set It Off' costars Queen Latifah and Jada Pinkett-Smith alongside Regina Hall, and catapulting Tiffany Haddish's career. The film follows four best friends Ryan (Hall), Lisa (Pinkett-Smith), Dina (Haddish), and Sasha (Latifah) on a trip to New Orleans for the Essence Festival. The four known as the Flossy Possy spent years estranged due to busy lives. Ryan, who's the narrator, is a successful author and relationship coach. She shares the business with husband Stewart Pierce. Sasha owns a salacious blog, Lisa is a nurse and Dinah just got fired. The foursome deal with infidelity, resentment, starting new relationships, getting it in and strengthening their sisterhood.
Script My Life: I am Ryan - the one obsessed with perfection I'm afraid of taking the mask off. I also relate to Lisa the mum, who is absorbed in her children that she has forgotten to live.
Ryan was stuck in perfection which then affected her friendships especially with Sasha. What I learnt from this film is to be honest with your friends. Your friends are the one set of people who will be there for you no matter what. Lisa needed her friends to remind her that there's life after divorce and kids. And we all need a Dina in the group because life would be hella dull.
While as a person I am growing, I accept my friends as they are. I encourage them to live in their truth. I don't always have to agree with their choices but I need to be their support when sh*t hits the fan. And of course, no amount of sexing is worth breaking a sisterhood. Word!
Waiting to Exhale
Am I the only one who finds it cathartic when Angela Bassett's character sets flames to her husband's things? Top of my list of classic black movies, the 1995 movie starring Loretta Devine, Lela Rochon, Angela Bassett, and the late Whitney Houston. The movie follows four friends Savannah (Houston), Bernadine (Bassett), Robin (Rochon), and Gloria (Devine) who are affluent
women. They bond over their shortcoming s in relationships with Savannah and
Robin in relationships with married men, Bernadine divorces her husband and . Meanwhile, Gloria falls in-love with a new neighbor.
Script My Life: Thinking of it, I would probably need to watch this movie again to relate to a character. However, the powerful story is about the friendships. Despite different opinions and lifestyles, the four stick together, and support each other. Plus the soundtrack is fire, I mean who hasn't dedicated 'Count On Me" to their girlfriends?
Set it Off
Your black card will possibly be revoked if you are a pre-2000s, and haven't watched this flick. 'Set It Off' was the badass before "Money Heist'. This 1996 movie starred the younger Queen Latifah, Jada Pinkett-Smith, Vivica A. Fox and Kimberly Elise. The storyline is about four friends Cleo (Latifah), Stony (Jada), Frankie (Fox), and Tisean (Elise). Frankie works in a bank, Tisean is a single mother, Stony is raising her brother and Cleo well, is Cleo. With so much struggle and the death of Stony's brother at the hands of police, the four women start
robbing banks. One heist gone bad finds the four friends being chased by the police with only one surviving.
Script My Life: This is what we call 'ride or die'. Amongst my friends I'm the instigator, (low key 'bad influence'), but I must say these are levels. I love how these four are friends to the death. While it's not wise to rob banks, the idea of trying to improve each other's lives to the end is noble. Erm, this one is a tear jerker because when they start to die...eish! I've said enough!
Mean Girls
Now here's a a movie that actually offers a negative perception of femaledom overall. I love this movie because of the pastel in it. Based on a novel, "Queen Bees and Wannabes: Helping Your Daughter Survive Cliques, Gossip, Boyfriends and Other Realities of Adolescence", this movie made the 2000s and adolescence entertaining. The movie starred Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Tina Fey, Amanda Siegfried and Lacey Chabert. Navigating through high school, Cady (Lohan) quickly learns the challenges of female relationships in high school. She joins the popular girl clique, The Plastics headed by Regina George (McAdams). Regina lives to rule the school with ruthlessness as she uses people's secrets against them. Cady then
falls for Aaron Samuels, Regina's ex which causes war. Cady also formulates a relationship with Janice, Regina's arch nemesis and the two explore the ups and downs of friendships based on hatred. At the end, the girls within the school have to unlearn the 'girls can't get along' stereotype.
Script My Life: Now when it comes to high school life - this movie explains my experience. I relate to being the new girl. I experienced the mean girl cliques, and to some degree was a mean girl. This movie is like really funny, plus Lindsay had great acting chops. If you want to have an objective view of unhealthy female relationships, then watch 'Mean Girls'. Post watching this film assess yourself and unlearn negative stereotypes.
Television
Girlfriends
Back in the early 2000s when you heard, "My girlfriends there through thick and thin..." you knew that you were in for a treat. The television series that introduced most of us to Tracy Ellis-Ross, 'Girlfriends' was the girlfriends show for the millennial woman. Following the lives of Joan, Toni, Maya, And Lynn showcased the highs, lows and in-between of female friendship within the community of women of colour. The show tackled various topics including breaking up with your friends. When Toni moves away, we find Joan failing to cope with this loss. We also experienced other dynamics of having the married friend in the group, the free spirit and even the neurotic perfectionist.
Script My Life: I watched this show when I was in my teens. After 'Living Single' and 'Moesha' were canceled, I needed a show with women of colour whom I could relate too. I lived vicariously through the quartets friendship I reflected upon Joan's heartbreak over Toni when my own female friendships dissolved. I am more of Joan in the relationship department, (I'm working on it). Overall, 'Girlfriends' remains proof that sometimes your friends can be your family.
Sex and The City
Admitting that I watched this series when I was underage, isn't my proudest moment. However, meeting this group of 30/40 something women changed my life. Anyone who knows me knows that I'm in love with New York City. So imagine watching a television series about four friends living in the Big Apple? Sex and The City is a classic showcasing the friendship of four very different characters. Meet Carrie, Miranda, Samantha and Charlotte who bond over sex, money, career and the New York. The adventures of the foursome are narrated by sex columnist Carrie Bradshaw played by Sarah Jessica Parker.
Script My Life: Okay, so I'm a Charlotte, and perhaps a bit of Miranda, but mostly Charlotte. But we know that Carrie's character had the most impact on me. Sex and the City shows that you can have a 'soulmate' relationship with your friends despite character differences.
Insecure
Insecure checks all the boxes when it comes to televsion series about black people. I love the fact that its lead cast includes African-Americans Issa Rae (Senegal) and Yvonne Orji (Nigeria). For the past four seasons we have watched the evolution of Issa and Molly's relationship. As squad goals we add Kelli and Tiffany, we have a group of funny, cool and relatable characters. Season 4 saw the unfolding of Molly and Issa's passive-aggressive tension in their friendship. The pair actually break up and by the end of the season they are trying to find their way back.
Script My Life: Molly and Issa offer a realistic aspect of friendships including drifting apart and learning each other again. I have been similar situations with female friendships however most never recovered from the drift, or arguments. What we learn from the two is the need to have open, honest communication. We have to appreciate the fact that even as friends we are different individuals who continue to evolve.
Being Mary Jane
Being Mary Jane isn't exemplary of positive female relationships. The protagonist Pauletta Patterson a.k.a Mary Jane Paul is a toxic human being. She's a mean girl who doesn't play well with other girls. Played by Gabrielle Union, Mary Jane Paul is an ambitious television host. In the four seasons we saw her fight with Lisa, Nichelle and Valerie. She's had issues with other women in the workspace including Ronda, Dani and even Aaliyah. Although she eventually befriends Aaliyah, Mary Jane's constant is Kara Lynch (Lisa Vidal).
Script My Life: I am likely to be Kara and Lisa. I am Kara the loyal friend with a big heart, and Lisa the straight shooter. What I learnt is that if you compete with other women, then you will have problems. It's important not to set high expectations of your friends. Remember that they are human beings and in the same manner that you need patience, you offer the same. Your friends are also not pawns in a match.
Golden Girls
Script My Life: When I'm an old lady I will be Sophia and Dorothy, so we know my place in the squad.
The Bold Type
Now y'all know I love me some The Bold Type. If you are looking for a friendship with healthy ups and downs, karaoke, vodka and ice cream, then the trio are your goals. The Bold Type follows the lives of three millennial women working in media
at the fictional Scarlet magazine in New York City. Fans meet Jane (Katie Stevens), Kat (Aisha Dee), and Sutton (Meghann Fahy). With the fifth season coming up, the show tackles issues such as sexuality, dating, breast cancer, and the #MeToo
movement. The last season we find Sutton separating from husband Richard, Jane is getting her groove back and Kat finds lust in an unlikely place.
Script My Life: I have always mentioned that I am Jane Sloan. Weirdly, she's my least favourite character in The Bold Type, however I love the friendship dynamics. All I can say is Kat, Sutton and Jane have a rather realistic friendship.
These scripts offer a reflection of what female friendships can be, or go through. In real life, there's a lot to unlearn so as to forge solid relationships. We have to outgrow childhood perceptions of who we were, and embrace who we are becoming. Our friendships as women must include empowering each other in more than just hanging out together. It should be about the spiritual life, health, career, and above all, the sisterhood. We can get along is we tore down the stereotypes of gossip, betrayal and competition.
Female friendships need to come to the place of acceptance through individual differences.
In recent months I have grown to develop a friendship with my female neighbours. We can thank lock downs and pandemics for looking over the fence. They look up to me as the big sister. I look to them for the company, as well as letting my guard down. Will it lead to the ride or die type of friendship? Only time will tell, I'm enjoying this ride of being in a comfortable space of sharing and caring for each other as women.
Raise your glasses, here's to girlfriends!
Salut!
P.S. : Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
Salut!
P.S. : Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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