Skip to main content

Dying a Little More Inside

2020 has sobered us to grief ...


Chadwick Boseman

If you ask me how I am right now? I'm not okay! Last week my mind took a walk in the morbid alley. Too much news of death, but the biggest blow had to be opening my Instagram at 4.58 a.m and finding out that Chadwick Boseman died. I found tears trickling down my cheeks. I cried for him as if he was someone whom I knew personally. The profound part of this actor's passing was the fact that he had been unwell for a long time. I always knew him to be a private person, only giving us fans the best of him - his talent and impact on the community. It blew my mind at the work ethic that Chadwick displayed despite battling colon cancer. But I can never fathom what his family has been going through. I have experienced the process of palliative care with close ones. It takes a toll on you as the caregiver. Everything within you slowly dies whilst you try to be strong and encouraging. You want to give hope, you pray with a gleam of faith and sometimes, you just break down and cry.

Chadwick's life has inspired us to really look at life with fresh eyes. We ought to stop looking at what hinders us, and work with time. Tomorrow is never promised to us. 

2020 has robbed many of us of loved ones and our lives. Right now, we are in an extreme sport for survival. If it's not trying to survive as a black person in America. If it's not trying to make ends meet in Zimbabwe. If it's not femicide in South Africa. Corruption, gang violence, poverty in most parts of the globe. It is the struggle to remain sane, or hopeful. We are absorbing all the negative energy left, right, and center whilst cooped up in our homes.



As someone who runs social media, I'm affected heavily. Imagine absorbing everything from your timeline. This includes research, disseminating information, responding to comments, at times, receiving backlash. Most people forget that there's a human being behind the keyboard. There's so much venom in comments sections because most people are idle. We have become cruel people during these challenging times. Imagine people's comments about Chadwick's weight and looks. And now those who dragged the actor should be eating crow. That man was giving the world his all despite his challenges. He even visited children suffering from cancer, giving them hope, and putting smiles on their faces. 




When I shed tears, those tears came from a deeper place. I felt my own weight of the things that I have been going through. I thought of those who have lost loved ones. I thought of my ailing grandmother, my late auntie (mother's older sister), the people who can't afford food or rent. We look at people's posts on social media and we judge them harshly. I understand that we do get carried away sometimes so it often looks like clout chasing. Most times though, we are looking for outlets. How many can afford to numb their pain with a little alcohol? Or get hold of a therapist? Of which alcohol is never the best option. Self-care sounds good on paper but the execution is daunting. Peace of mind is a luxury when you are trying to feed your family. Don't get me started about the milk and honey baths when you live below the middle-class line. I don't know how many of us can say that we are okay? I don't even remember when I last knelt down to pray? It's easier said than done to spread the religious ideology of faith online, but when there's no fellowship, the spirit dies. We are all craving intimacy of emotional and mental support that comes with face-to-face interaction. We want to really 'talk' and get things off our chests, but where do we go? 

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender. - Tupac

As I cried, I realized that for the past year; I have been dying a little more inside. This year I wanted to live, not survive, not get by, but live. And live to the fullest. I know that there are many of us who believed that in 2020, we would take a 360 on our lives. We were going to be proactive and work towards meeting our goals. As we look at those who have left us, there those who have lived in their purpose. They have lived full lives attaining their dreams. They lived with passion and action.

We can't bring back those who have gone, but we can live. We need to 'LIVE'! But our living needs to breathe. We cannot do this living under oppression, confinement, or judged or broken. Something has got to give. To quote Tupac, "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."

Internal death is the worst one could ever experience. We need to search within ourselves and be compassionate with others. We need to see beyond the captions and filters, and ask, "How are you...honestly?" And with everything we treat people's privacy with sensitivity, maturity and discernment whilst walking with them. We all need somebody to lean on.

I hope that through all the pain, somehow we can learn to truly live again.

You have to cherish things in a different way when you know the clock is ticking, you are under pressure. - Chadwick Boseman

Rest easy King!

And this is a dedication to those who have lost loved ones this year, those who need life breathed into their spirits to have hope to carry on.


P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Single ladies: Wife material

MPV.....my point of view! Single Ladies: Wifen Material *Royal wave*Hey single ladies,your guide is back.The pursuit for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It is on.Today I would like to make you a get-a-ring-on-it lady. Now following my articles,'Single Ladies Part 3',where I talked about the prince searching for a 'real princess',or 'Queen';and 'Brown Sugar',where the word 'brown sugar' was defined as wifen material,I would like to talk about 'wifey material'.(Whether we are that). How do we single ladies get that ring-on-it,you ask?By being wifey material.My uncle keeps on telling me,'If you want to become Mrs X,you should be a wife.You are a wife before he puts a ring on it'.What he means is that,a man will treat you the way you portray yourself.How,you ask? Ever noticed the difference between a wife and a girlfriend.Now let me break it down for you.A girlfriend usually,takes life in a more leisurely way;unlike a wife,whose focus is mo...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Red Season: Breadcrumbs of Love

No matter how broken you are, a meal of love is what you need. For the first time in a long time, I will admit on this platform, I will admit that I cried. I felt humiliated and hurt. Mariah Carey's "Cry" is playing in my head. I keep asking myself why am I this person? Why do I keep scraping for crumbs of love? Am I not enough? And following a recent disappointment, I reverted to a quote that I saw on a certain blog. "You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you,"  Sipho Mbhele. "You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you,"  Sipho Mbhele. Gosh, I'm tired of this circus. The fact...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Am Not Her

If I'm not the one that you want, then maybe I'll be the one you need.     But if you prioritize your wants, then I'm not her. Hello single ladies, Beyoncé wave! How are you? I'm feeling a bit under the weather. Nothing that a glass of wine and a shoulder to cry on won't fix. My blogs of late are ticking some people off. But you know what, I'm not about to censor myself for anybody. Have you met me? My face on it's own doesn't do PC very well. A nous allez!  So let's call this one basket of mine Clay. The other day Clay and I were having a conversation. He mentioned that of late I'm cold and distant. In addition I'm not the woman that he thought I was. Oh my! In my head I was like, " Wena stop thoughting and start thinking!" I then asked what has changed his perception. After an hour or so of the long list of complaints, I then asked, "What now?" I didn't feel like explaining myself. Actually I don't owe him an ex...
Post a Comment
Read more

Like A Love Song

The best ever written love song isn't perfect but it works! 'I,I love you like a love song baby,I,I love you like a love song,babe.....',young Selena Gomez singing,and vocalising what we would all take love as...a LOVE song. The love song. Women can only dream about being loved the way Gerald Levert put it,'made to love you', or have 'this love' a la Donell Jones. And I'm not talking about the exaggerated 'catching of grenades','crossing oceans',drinking of lovers' bath waters.But a love that leaves one gasping for air as they try to breathe in,a love that gives one warm fuzzy feelings inside.A love that also stands the test of time,and conquers all. But is the impression we are given by love songs similar to real relationships?Would a man not want to be 'mad' like Ne-yo, or beg you to 'stay' like Tyrese? Some may agree,whilst others would be at the other end of the pole. In the mean time men might find Beyonc...
Post a Comment
Read more

When The Going Gets Tough

Lack is the mother of hustle and innovation! I have just finished doing my own hair. I spent the whole winter without a protective hairstyle for my natural hair. My hair is damaged (mainly due to stress), and mismanagement because I have run out of product. Haven't afforded a hairdresser in a while. Yes, it's been a rough couple of months. During the last church service, I went for prayer and counselling. The lady praying for me, said, "You look like a go-getter to me!" Haven't really felt like that of late, but I have in the past, made a dollar out of fifteen cents. I remember sharing a testimony with a former manager. I told her about how I entered the employment field three and half years after giving birth. My first job was as a sales person for a new product on the market. I had no previous qualifications in sales or marketing but I had the zeal. Though I and the rest of the employees got screwed over, I held onto the CEO's words. He said to us dur...
Post a Comment
Read more