Skip to main content

Dying a Little More Inside

2020 has sobered us to grief ...


Chadwick Boseman

If you ask me how I am right now? I'm not okay! Last week my mind took a walk in the morbid alley. Too much news of death, but the biggest blow had to be opening my Instagram at 4.58 a.m and finding out that Chadwick Boseman died. I found tears trickling down my cheeks. I cried for him as if he was someone whom I knew personally. The profound part of this actor's passing was the fact that he had been unwell for a long time. I always knew him to be a private person, only giving us fans the best of him - his talent and impact on the community. It blew my mind at the work ethic that Chadwick displayed despite battling colon cancer. But I can never fathom what his family has been going through. I have experienced the process of palliative care with close ones. It takes a toll on you as the caregiver. Everything within you slowly dies whilst you try to be strong and encouraging. You want to give hope, you pray with a gleam of faith and sometimes, you just break down and cry.

Chadwick's life has inspired us to really look at life with fresh eyes. We ought to stop looking at what hinders us, and work with time. Tomorrow is never promised to us. 

2020 has robbed many of us of loved ones and our lives. Right now, we are in an extreme sport for survival. If it's not trying to survive as a black person in America. If it's not trying to make ends meet in Zimbabwe. If it's not femicide in South Africa. Corruption, gang violence, poverty in most parts of the globe. It is the struggle to remain sane, or hopeful. We are absorbing all the negative energy left, right, and center whilst cooped up in our homes.



As someone who runs social media, I'm affected heavily. Imagine absorbing everything from your timeline. This includes research, disseminating information, responding to comments, at times, receiving backlash. Most people forget that there's a human being behind the keyboard. There's so much venom in comments sections because most people are idle. We have become cruel people during these challenging times. Imagine people's comments about Chadwick's weight and looks. And now those who dragged the actor should be eating crow. That man was giving the world his all despite his challenges. He even visited children suffering from cancer, giving them hope, and putting smiles on their faces. 




When I shed tears, those tears came from a deeper place. I felt my own weight of the things that I have been going through. I thought of those who have lost loved ones. I thought of my ailing grandmother, my late auntie (mother's older sister), the people who can't afford food or rent. We look at people's posts on social media and we judge them harshly. I understand that we do get carried away sometimes so it often looks like clout chasing. Most times though, we are looking for outlets. How many can afford to numb their pain with a little alcohol? Or get hold of a therapist? Of which alcohol is never the best option. Self-care sounds good on paper but the execution is daunting. Peace of mind is a luxury when you are trying to feed your family. Don't get me started about the milk and honey baths when you live below the middle-class line. I don't know how many of us can say that we are okay? I don't even remember when I last knelt down to pray? It's easier said than done to spread the religious ideology of faith online, but when there's no fellowship, the spirit dies. We are all craving intimacy of emotional and mental support that comes with face-to-face interaction. We want to really 'talk' and get things off our chests, but where do we go? 

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender. - Tupac

As I cried, I realized that for the past year; I have been dying a little more inside. This year I wanted to live, not survive, not get by, but live. And live to the fullest. I know that there are many of us who believed that in 2020, we would take a 360 on our lives. We were going to be proactive and work towards meeting our goals. As we look at those who have left us, there those who have lived in their purpose. They have lived full lives attaining their dreams. They lived with passion and action.

We can't bring back those who have gone, but we can live. We need to 'LIVE'! But our living needs to breathe. We cannot do this living under oppression, confinement, or judged or broken. Something has got to give. To quote Tupac, "Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside while still alive. Never surrender."

Internal death is the worst one could ever experience. We need to search within ourselves and be compassionate with others. We need to see beyond the captions and filters, and ask, "How are you...honestly?" And with everything we treat people's privacy with sensitivity, maturity and discernment whilst walking with them. We all need somebody to lean on.

I hope that through all the pain, somehow we can learn to truly live again.

You have to cherish things in a different way when you know the clock is ticking, you are under pressure. - Chadwick Boseman

Rest easy King!

And this is a dedication to those who have lost loved ones this year, those who need life breathed into their spirits to have hope to carry on.


P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

The Slow Burn

Stop trying to control everything and start experiencing the slow burn. Hello, single ladies! Comment ça va mes amies? "Je suis bien!   Gather around; today we are having coffee and tea. I'll get my dose of caffeine as usual. I'm so inspired by the previous article. The inspiration came from the last few paragraphs, where I wrote about the slow burn. I remember the movie, "I Want You Back." The character Emma tells Peter that he's attractive, and she would date him, despite the fact that he is a slow burner. And then Kacey Musgraves' "Slow Burn" starts playing in my head. ("I'm alright with a slow burn"). As I decided to rewrite the scripts for my "love story," the last part challenged me. Do you remember what Kat Valdez said in "Marry Me"? If you want something different, you have to do something different. So, you make a different decision. I thought long and hard about that statement. I believe that I'm ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Winter ABC Day 23: 10 Things that You Didn’t Know About Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe is a beautiful mess! Forget about Victoria Falls, the country in itself is a wonder. Through all the trials and tribulations, you can still find a people who are loyal to the nation. There is so much to see and experience in Zimbabwe that travel brochures won't show you. I have jotted 10 unknown things about Zimbabwe. Places 1. Mutorashanga Yes we are a landlocked country but guess what, we have great water bodies. Mutorashanga is that place for great afternoon with friends. Carry your swimwear and enjoy the serene natural pools at this place. 2. The Kariba Islands It took the filming of a television show for me to really experience Kariba. Most people speak of the common place on the man-made lake. But did you know that there are sightful islands by Lake Kariba? My favourite was Rhino island. If you are the adventurous type who doesn't mind having elephants and rhinos visit your campsite, then you will love this place. There's even a beach, just be car...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mother Dearest...Bitter Pill for Mother's Day!

There's no greater heartache than living life motherless. I'm wondering when I will finally rejoice and sing, 'The Storm is Over.' I've never been a good liar, this has been a very rough season. Finding hope in hopelessness is hard. Friends are few in the darkest times, doors are closed, and you feel as if your prayers are hitting a brass heaven; instead of God's ears. Sigh! Mothers day! I love how the commercial buzz around this day prompts many to dig deep into their pockets to repay their mothers. It's not just hallmark cards, but bouquet of flowers, fancy brunch or lunch dates, the huge grocery hampers, and more. Mum, amai, mama , went through a lot to make you the person you are, so she deserves you to give her the world. As one popular entertainer said, she is the one, and probably only person, who will pray for you and your wellbeing from the depths of her heart. Mother's Day is a day to celebrate and honour the women who brought us into this ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Winter ABC Day 4: 3 Things that I Wish I Could Do Effortlessly

"I wish that  I was a bit taller, I wish that I was a baller," and we continue to wish. Everytime that I have watched Aladdin, I always imagined how much thought I had to put in my wishes. You have only three but the genpime requests to be free. What would you do? That's not our topic for today. In the previous blog, I shared the things that I would do for free. In this blog, I get a little vulnerable. I fair myself as a multi talented young woman. I have seen what I can achieve when I set myself to do something. I am very driven and won't take no for an answer. But if I do, I am working towards a yes. Please do try me! (Smiles) As multi faceted as I am there are still things that I wish that I could excel at. I believe that if I could do these things, I would be further ahead in life. These qualities would change my life financially as well as socially. Apart from wishing that I was 5 ft 6, what could I do better? I share with you, the three things that I wish ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Winter ABC Day 1: Why Not Start?

"Accept challenges so that you can feel the exhilaration of victory." - George S. Patton Challenge accepted! For the next thirty days in the month of June, I join a plethora of writers in a blogging challenge. The task is to blog every single day about an array of topics. If I'm a blogger and love blogging, where's the challenge? Oh my, where do I even begin. As I commit I will have to overcome the hurdle of high data charges. Currently I am not earning consistent income because I am part of 95% in my country. But I'm also a 'hustler' (wish it sounded as cool as it's meant to be.) I have a river of procrastination to cross because tomorrow isn't a Ronan Keating song. Tomorrow always comes and I put things on hold for tomorrow. And then last but not least, I need to be still during the storm of load shedding. So why do I want to commit to this challenge. The question I'm asking  myself whilst the blogs from this challenge fill up my timel...
Post a Comment
Read more