Bottom of the Barrel

I know that I have dug at the bottom of the barrel....

 

 

...because my very own coochie ain't got respect. I laugh amiably at the Instagram page The Kouncil. I relate that for most of the time I am the combination of the lady parts and heart... dumb! Now don't get it twisted, my IQ is pretty high it's frightening.  I'm word smart....that's my actual intelligence type. Now you go Google the nine intelligence types. These are your cognizance resonance that will make you look at your parents with the WTF did y'all put me through.

Anyway, my HBCU graduate father was highly aware of intelligence. He saw me as the creative intellectual. He expected me to be Paula Abdul or Prince, or Stevie Wonder compared to the African intellectual stereotype of being a doctor. In my creativity I have painted, performed, written, and published most of my creative work. I pride myself as a wordsmith, in addition to having an eye for aesthetic visuals and an ear for music. While I am a songwriter, in another life I would have been that full on blues, or neo-soul artist. 

Intelligence doesn't always equate to high quality choices. I have been in rooms with the highly qualified, eloquent individuals who can hold conversations. Their major fault is in the relationship department. It baffles me beyond measure why our school curriculum don't include life coaching. Like proper education about how to handle heartbreak, spotting f*ckboys, how not to be a f*ckboy, and understanding attachment styles. Yes, we do get rather conservative sex education but that's it! Yes, intelligent people make dumb relationship decisions.

 

With a show off hands, who has had 'groupie' sex? 

Ehm, no judgement here! In a conversation with self, I realised that most of us have been there. But was it worth it? Groupie sex, according to my own definition, is having sexual intercourse with someone famous, or who belongs in certain 'affluent' circles. I stand accused of the above. Not my proudest moment. I have come to a place where I believe, that it takes low self esteem to have groupie sex. Now before you come for me, how many of us can actually say that we have benefited from sexual intercourse with someone famous. Being a baby mama to an athlete, entertainer or socialite isn't an achievement.

I do understand that famous liaisons provide access to fame, and the who's-who. Association creates a false sense of importance. The conversation with self often is, ‘It’s just sex… with a star’ but the aftermath states a different aftermath. With social media in the mix, we have seen lives play out like soap operas. Now this is entertainment for most of us, often bored by our own lives, but what in the hell. Why are we scraping at the bottom of the barrel?

In interesting conversations with several females, I wonder why we put ourselves through the whole I 'f**ked' someone famous. One young lady who had a few, started crying over some socialite she claimed to be in a relationship with. She started trashing all the other females that he runs around and lays with. She said that she was the real one, and is 'in-love' with him. Let me not even get started with the ones who have hanky-panky with club DJs, or any other type of entertainer. The other lady was like, I just wanted to have sex with an entertainer so that I could brag that I have been with someone famous. I hold my head and roll my eyes. 

 

I don't want to sit on a high horse and judge. I have been there. I have had my fair share of entertainers, and socialites. I was young, and very stupid. I was never with any of these individuals who I hope that no one will ever find out about for the clout. But from the outside, I was a groupie because I scraped at the bottom of the barrel. Now I'm not saying that all entertainers and athletes philander, but they are predisposed to more options than the average bloke. There are too many clout chasers in these streets. Too many of us seeking that importance through fame. Too many of us assuming that we will achieve 'the best life' through association. Again, why are we scraping at the bottom of the barrel?

 

I will be honest, I was once hurt by one of my 'groupie sex' encounters. He went on to marry someone else and have a child with them. I was livid and hurt because in my head, I'm wifey. He pursued me when I didn't care about who he was. Looking back that was a highly 'poor' choice. But here's why we get hurt. In the excitement of spontaneity, deep inside we also assume that we could be 'the ONE'. We will be that unique one, the Kate Middleton to a Prince William - an ordinary girl snagging that famous guy...especially if he's a 'bad boy'. We often act like we don't care, and then find ourselves wildin' out. This mostly done on the internet. TMZ, The  Shade Room, to name but a few, have shown me that 'groupie sex' is destructive. Those rappers and athletes and their baby mama drama. Receipts from the DMs, Snapchat, call logs, sex tapes etc. Not going far from home, I have receipts on the local who's-who and the aliens in their basements. Those I will take to my grave, I'm not about being messy. But all I can say, if 'Love and Hip Hop' needs to expand its franchise, we have files for the best candidates for the cast. And with love, (because it's my guilty pleasure), LHH is a toxic reflection of culture - black, hip hop and just for one's mental well being.

Again, why do we scrape at the bottom of the barrel? Remember LaTrey? Well, he suggested that I was throwing myself at him parce que he's an entertainer. Honestly, when a boy gets so used to panties thrown at him, he assumes that everyone wants him. Baffled I just kept my opinions to myself, but that's another reason he wasn't getting it. He blurred my politeness and humanity for sliding into his DMs. He's still cute though, and I do like him, but I now drink wine from the top of the barrel. Again, I'm not here to insult entertainers, because they work hard to make the world a better place with their craft. My thing is, refuse to attach myself with assumptions of clout chasing. I have worked too damn hard to become a woman of substance. 

And am a work in progress. And I guess, we all are a work in progress. Yes, live your life, just make sure that you know what you want. And make sure that what you choose is top notch. Not in terms of optics, but in the value that it serves for you. In the value that it brings out of you. Life is too short for regrets, make sure that your vagenda doesn't entertain 'poor' choices. 

Find yourself, close the cookie factory, aspire for someone who speaks to your higher self and burn that black book. If there are no photos, text messages, or social media trail of uncouth behaviour, girl you have got a clean slate.

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E