Skip to main content

Sh*t, I Caught Feelings

"When the dick touches the heart, it means that it's affected you not just physically, but emotionally," Amanda Seales.

Pensive black woman


Single ladies, come right round with your glass of wine, and a box of tissues...those are for me. Damn, I slipped up for sure. Beyoncé wave! I'm in my feelings because I caught feelings. This one caught me off guard. I've been wearing that emotional condom for a while. Y'all know I'm a recovering 'f*ckboy' addict. Remember that last one did me dirty, and I allowed it. But thank God, I missed being attached to that idiot for a lifetime. Dodged a bullet with that one. Sigh of relief!

Despite the pandemic, my love life has been less than boring. And with the empowerment of putting the eggs in different baskets, I have been in control of who and what makes my vagenda. I am still celibate, one year strong, hallelujah! It's been good for my spiritual life, mental health and my career. But in one of my few liaisons, I think that I caught something. No, LaTrey didn't get the nookie. Lion King is bae in progress (BIP), and we are likely to keep him. And as for the others, they keep things interesting. That means that I will not have tunnel vision on this journey.

I believe that I am a demisexual (spiritual attraction), although my attraction has always been mental - sapiosexual. Makes sense why I was drawn to Mr X. I kid you not, that's the most intellectual interaction that I have ever had with a male. I love me an intelligent man - particularly one who carries a vision. But who needs labels for sexuality, right? We comprehend who attracts us and why we are attracted to them. C’est tout! So, I met Micheal recently. If we revert to the discussion about types, honestly he wouldn't be mine. I like them pretty, dysfunctional, highly intellectual, and have a way with words. He was none of the above!  But I think he and I connected on a spiritual level, we made out (passion and lust),  I let my guard down... (Vulnerability)

... and now we are here. 

I don't know how, but Michael penetrated through the security fence, and he tore the emotional condom. What in the hell? Again, I would never pick him at an instant glance. Probably interacted with him out of being polite, but I wouldn't think, "Wow! I would wife you." But his presence was so calming. He felt comfortable and attractive to my spirit. He felt different. Like nothing I've ever felt before. And because I like him, I'm keeping the cookies in the jar for a while...  until I'm sure! I'm not deprived of emotional or even physical affection. Cuddling, hugs, kisses, and attention are in abundance. Remember, the baskets are plenty. (But I am celibate just as a reminder) 

But my chakras need realigning because I caught feelings. Maybe I'm not as cool and collected as I assumed. I like my other baskets, Lion King is checking the boxes, being a gentleman and all, but I like Michael, like, like Michael. 

I don't know whether to be mad at myself or accept that I'm a softy. I'm not as emotionally hardcore as I thought. But, in a soliloquy, I remind myself that emotional investment requires effort from the other party. Can't be messing your vibe for someone who excites you for a millisecond. Does he call when he says that he will? Does he show interest in you and the things you do? Did he take over three days to text you? Has he asked you out on an actual date? And if so, is it Netflix and chill, or does he put actual effort? Are you his choice or convenience? 
You have to be careful with whom put on your vagenda because the dick can touch the heart. - Amanda Seales 
Let's see where it goes with Mikey, whom I likey. Right now I need a diversion, maybe look into the other baskets. Thank you ladies for the wine and listening ear. It's such a relief that I can openly admit my shortcomings. 

The lesson learnt from this conversation is about discernment. Understanding how we should handle something as simple as a crush, or endearment towards someone. It has to be reciprocal through words and actions. Ladies, let's discern!

Keep your heart in your pocket, him at arm's length, and continue to look as good as hell!

A prochaine fois!


P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

I'm Ready

Por qué me siento así, mi amor? Lo podemos culpar a Cupido!   Bring on the tissues, and a tub of ice cream, and Amarula cream. Cupid really picked on me and not at the best time. And then 'Stupid Cupid' starts playing. Bonjour single ladies! Forgive me for the dramatic entrance, but I feel like a hopelessly enamoured teenager. Remember  le garçon du chocolat ? Oui. Well, what started off as a crush, has developed into more. Could I be in-love? Umm... But I think that the sparks have fizzled out on his end. Throwing myself on the couch.  Why am I this person, though? Am I setting myself up for possibly another heartbreak after recovering from a not so recent one? Like, le garçon du chocolat lives rent free in my mind, and mostly in my dreams. Am I supposed to feel like this actually? Gosh, I feel so embarrassed with my grown self.   So while, I'm manoeuvring through my emotions, let's talk about starting all over again with a renewed perspective. Gather around ladies,...
Post a Comment
Read more

Inspired By A Thread

Colour blind is ignorance when all you see is red... ...learn your colours! Oi, you lovely lot! Whaddup, 'ow's it goin'? I’m gettin’ there, innit? Just takin’ me time, you know how it is. A while ago, I scrolled down my timeline, and I came across an interesting thread on X. Actually the responses were wild, but it had me thinking, I would love my readers to share their own experiences. The question was as follows; What was the craziest thing that you've done to investigate a man? Fam, the responses in this thread are worthy of scripts. Don't play with a woman who wants the truth. She has better investigative skills than any intelligence agency. This led me - actually inspired me to share my own personal experiences. My life is so ironical. I like keeping my relationships on the low because my ego can't handle the humiliation if things don't work out. However, drama seems to ensue whenever I decide to allow a male into my space. Of late, I realised that I ...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Classy Girl's Guide to Shooting Her Shot

Be an active participant in getting the relationship that you need and deserve! Bonjour, mes amies! Comment allez-vous? Gather around queens, this is a conversation for us. Can someone please bring me a glass of red wine? I really need this drink. In actual fact, bring the whole bottle. With a show of hands, who's been having challenges in the dating space? I mean just to get a date with a decent human being. I stand accused of crawling back into my crustacean shell and not putting myself out there. I dread the outside. Actually, ever since the robbery incident, I get anxiety just leaving the house. I'm anxious leaving my house, and anxious being in a place where I'm not sure how I'm going home. But I know that I'm not going to make any progress if I'm stuck at home. So please nudge me to go outside. Following constant reflection, I realised that I made a lot of poor choices in relationship avenue. As I evolve into an accountable adult, I have realised that I r...
1 comment
Read more

Do I Have to Cross the Ocean?

Should I do cartwheels on a plank for someone who hasn't crossed the ocean for me? We all know that sacrifice comes from commitment. When there is commitment, sacrifice is inevitable. At one point or another, we have had to sacrifice for something. The decision didn’t come easy but due to the commitment to a vision or promise, you made your sacrifice. And it was worth it. I was thinking about how the old me went to lengths to be loved. I lived in a 'people pleasing' mode where I became the lamb of sacrifice. There are even people that I gave up my opportunities for because I 'cared'. Years later, I have moved out of that train of thought. Love is a two way street. Not that you will be keeping score, but why should you go out of your way for someone who doesn't flinch at your very existence. We experience people differently and have different relationship dynamics. There are people that you might not communicate with in a very long time, but will come th...
Post a Comment
Read more

Script My Life: Bad Hair

My relationship with hair extensions will never be the same! It's spooky season and what a time for all things that make your stomach churn, and eyes pop! For most of this series, I review romantic comedies and dramas. The big screen allows me to live vicariously through stories and characters. I can escape my mundane life and all the imperfections in between. I can be anything that I want, through whichever character that I relate to. Funny enough I love horror and thrillers! I love the adrenalin rush of frightening encounters with the paranormal, or mentally unhinged. Most horrors or thrillers often follow a generic pattern, however there those that take the cup for scares. I will never watch 'The Exorcist' and 'The Nun' again! Apart from being scary, I am not playing with all that supernatural stuff. And here we are, watching Hulu's new flick, 'Bad Hair'. Ever since the trailer, I have been religiously following the interviews. In one interview, the f...
Post a Comment
Read more