Skip to main content

Sh*t, I Caught Feelings

"When the dick touches the heart, it means that it's affected you not just physically, but emotionally," Amanda Seales.

Pensive black woman


Single ladies, come right round with your glass of wine, and a box of tissues...those are for me. Damn, I slipped up for sure. Beyoncé wave! I'm in my feelings because I caught feelings. This one caught me off guard. I've been wearing that emotional condom for a while. Y'all know I'm a recovering 'f*ckboy' addict. Remember that last one did me dirty, and I allowed it. But thank God, I missed being attached to that idiot for a lifetime. Dodged a bullet with that one. Sigh of relief!

Despite the pandemic, my love life has been less than boring. And with the empowerment of putting the eggs in different baskets, I have been in control of who and what makes my vagenda. I am still celibate, one year strong, hallelujah! It's been good for my spiritual life, mental health and my career. But in one of my few liaisons, I think that I caught something. No, LaTrey didn't get the nookie. Lion King is bae in progress (BIP), and we are likely to keep him. And as for the others, they keep things interesting. That means that I will not have tunnel vision on this journey.

I believe that I am a demisexual (spiritual attraction), although my attraction has always been mental - sapiosexual. Makes sense why I was drawn to Mr X. I kid you not, that's the most intellectual interaction that I have ever had with a male. I love me an intelligent man - particularly one who carries a vision. But who needs labels for sexuality, right? We comprehend who attracts us and why we are attracted to them. C’est tout! So, I met Micheal recently. If we revert to the discussion about types, honestly he wouldn't be mine. I like them pretty, dysfunctional, highly intellectual, and have a way with words. He was none of the above!  But I think he and I connected on a spiritual level, we made out (passion and lust),  I let my guard down... (Vulnerability)

... and now we are here. 

I don't know how, but Michael penetrated through the security fence, and he tore the emotional condom. What in the hell? Again, I would never pick him at an instant glance. Probably interacted with him out of being polite, but I wouldn't think, "Wow! I would wife you." But his presence was so calming. He felt comfortable and attractive to my spirit. He felt different. Like nothing I've ever felt before. And because I like him, I'm keeping the cookies in the jar for a while...  until I'm sure! I'm not deprived of emotional or even physical affection. Cuddling, hugs, kisses, and attention are in abundance. Remember, the baskets are plenty. (But I am celibate just as a reminder) 

But my chakras need realigning because I caught feelings. Maybe I'm not as cool and collected as I assumed. I like my other baskets, Lion King is checking the boxes, being a gentleman and all, but I like Michael, like, like Michael. 

I don't know whether to be mad at myself or accept that I'm a softy. I'm not as emotionally hardcore as I thought. But, in a soliloquy, I remind myself that emotional investment requires effort from the other party. Can't be messing your vibe for someone who excites you for a millisecond. Does he call when he says that he will? Does he show interest in you and the things you do? Did he take over three days to text you? Has he asked you out on an actual date? And if so, is it Netflix and chill, or does he put actual effort? Are you his choice or convenience? 
You have to be careful with whom put on your vagenda because the dick can touch the heart. - Amanda Seales 
Let's see where it goes with Mikey, whom I likey. Right now I need a diversion, maybe look into the other baskets. Thank you ladies for the wine and listening ear. It's such a relief that I can openly admit my shortcomings. 

The lesson learnt from this conversation is about discernment. Understanding how we should handle something as simple as a crush, or endearment towards someone. It has to be reciprocal through words and actions. Ladies, let's discern!

Keep your heart in your pocket, him at arm's length, and continue to look as good as hell!

A prochaine fois!


P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Pendulum...Time to Stop Swinging!

At that very moment you actually receive that closure that it's finally over... You lay there, with a sigh of  relief because it was good whilst it lasted, but you are glad that it's over. There are certain things that you begin to intuitively feel and understand as you grow older or wiser. You move out of naivety or ideologies of the perfect relationship. You get to a place of realising that some relationships have good parts but don't last. And there are other bad relationships where the only thing that holds you together, is what's in between the sheets. During a conversation with a friend, I asked him for his opinion about a relationship. His view of my 'situation' was that I was like a pendulum. It was a constant back and forth with this guy which in psychology is considered 'toxic'. My friend gave me advice athat I need to respect myself enough to demand stability from a relationship. The guy who comes into my life must anchor himself and...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Thin Line

'Because he is a very good....', oh no uncle, let us not even go there. Now I understand some of the things DMX was talking about in his poem,'The Industry'. I guess it is the same everywhere around the world. Cut throat! It is one thing to be talented,and it is another to have your talent(s) exposed and making something of yourself.As an individual,you want to pursue something that you are passionate about;you are very good at,and probably you have theoretical knowledge of it and make something out it. (Earn a living). You also want to be taken seriously,earn and commend respect from different people.That is when one learns about professionalism. Professionalism according to the Oxford dictionary,it is the competence or skill expected of a professional.In another definition, it is the conduct,aims,or qualities that characterize or mark a profession or a professional person.And my definition. Professionalism is that thin line between having to suck up to or tole...
Post a Comment
Read more

Script My life: Brown Sugar

"Girl.He's a lil brownsugar!",a friend of mine said.Hey girl,you know me,I have got a sweet tooth.Brown sugar.Raw,sweet,gorgeously brown.I love brown sugar.Talking about brown sugar,today's MPV is about "brown sugar". I always say that life is not a movie,but truth be told,if there is one movie that is close to reality,to be specific,my life, is my favourite movie "Brown Sugar".Y'all must have watched this epic black movie about two friends who fell in love with hip-hop and each other.With a great cast including Sanaa Lathan,as Sydney Shaw,the gorgeous Taye Diggs as Andre 'Dre' Ellis,Mos Def(whose music I was listening to this morning),the talented female MC,Queen Latifah,caramel adonis Boris Kodjoe and the beautiful Nicole Ari Parker,(who is defined in the movie as ''brown sugar''). According to the movie,brown sugar means,"You know we all lookin for wifen material.A woman that's fine,smart,classy but not a sno...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dirty Laundry Diaries: Last Friday Night...

Last Friday Night... After a long hiatus from this blog, I've decided to make my return but this time with a vengeance...lol! So as part of my comeback, my blog has changed slightly a bit, same girl but different ish! (The vocabulary has become very colorful!) So my weekend was too cold to freeze a.k.a chilled for my liking but I managed to get the amount of rest that my weary body deserved. So what happened last Friday night, other than playing the third wheel with my sister and her man? Nothing much! But in line with the title of today's blog, I'll share what happened the last Friday of the last. These days I have ditched friends and have gone all family and that is how I roll. So my best friend who happens to be my younger sister, went out for our Friday drinks at our favourite spot in town. (Totally love the ambiance and the deejays are quite cute-one being hotter than the other and they play an amazing set of deep house music). Before I go on, t...
Post a Comment
Read more

How I Met Your Father

Always write your own love story... So here I am painting my story on a canvas. Today I decided to do something slightly different. While I binge-watched the entire first season of "How I Met Your Father," something dawned on me. As a fan of the original "How I Met Your Mother," I was curious if the spin-off would match up. The series stars Hilary Duff, Christopher Lowell, Francia Raisa, Suraj Sharma, Tom Ainsley, Tien Tran, and Kim Cattrall. Cattrall plays the 2050 version of the protagonist and narrator, Sophie. She recounts to her unseen son the events that followed meeting his father in January 2022 and how they ultimately had him. Fans are shown Sophie, played by Hillary Duff, and her group of friends in New York City's Manhattan. The 10-episode series shows how these 20- and 30-somethings maneuver through their disastrous dating lives, assumedly post-pandemic. Here I am, using my imagination to create universe versions of "how I met your father."...
Post a Comment
Read more