Skip to main content

Sh*t, I Caught Feelings

"When the dick touches the heart, it means that it's affected you not just physically, but emotionally," Amanda Seales.

Pensive black woman


Single ladies, come right round with your glass of wine, and a box of tissues...those are for me. Damn, I slipped up for sure. Beyoncé wave! I'm in my feelings because I caught feelings. This one caught me off guard. I've been wearing that emotional condom for a while. Y'all know I'm a recovering 'f*ckboy' addict. Remember that last one did me dirty, and I allowed it. But thank God, I missed being attached to that idiot for a lifetime. Dodged a bullet with that one. Sigh of relief!

Despite the pandemic, my love life has been less than boring. And with the empowerment of putting the eggs in different baskets, I have been in control of who and what makes my vagenda. I am still celibate, one year strong, hallelujah! It's been good for my spiritual life, mental health and my career. But in one of my few liaisons, I think that I caught something. No, LaTrey didn't get the nookie. Lion King is bae in progress (BIP), and we are likely to keep him. And as for the others, they keep things interesting. That means that I will not have tunnel vision on this journey.

I believe that I am a demisexual (spiritual attraction), although my attraction has always been mental - sapiosexual. Makes sense why I was drawn to Mr X. I kid you not, that's the most intellectual interaction that I have ever had with a male. I love me an intelligent man - particularly one who carries a vision. But who needs labels for sexuality, right? We comprehend who attracts us and why we are attracted to them. C’est tout! So, I met Micheal recently. If we revert to the discussion about types, honestly he wouldn't be mine. I like them pretty, dysfunctional, highly intellectual, and have a way with words. He was none of the above!  But I think he and I connected on a spiritual level, we made out (passion and lust),  I let my guard down... (Vulnerability)

... and now we are here. 

I don't know how, but Michael penetrated through the security fence, and he tore the emotional condom. What in the hell? Again, I would never pick him at an instant glance. Probably interacted with him out of being polite, but I wouldn't think, "Wow! I would wife you." But his presence was so calming. He felt comfortable and attractive to my spirit. He felt different. Like nothing I've ever felt before. And because I like him, I'm keeping the cookies in the jar for a while...  until I'm sure! I'm not deprived of emotional or even physical affection. Cuddling, hugs, kisses, and attention are in abundance. Remember, the baskets are plenty. (But I am celibate just as a reminder) 

But my chakras need realigning because I caught feelings. Maybe I'm not as cool and collected as I assumed. I like my other baskets, Lion King is checking the boxes, being a gentleman and all, but I like Michael, like, like Michael. 

I don't know whether to be mad at myself or accept that I'm a softy. I'm not as emotionally hardcore as I thought. But, in a soliloquy, I remind myself that emotional investment requires effort from the other party. Can't be messing your vibe for someone who excites you for a millisecond. Does he call when he says that he will? Does he show interest in you and the things you do? Did he take over three days to text you? Has he asked you out on an actual date? And if so, is it Netflix and chill, or does he put actual effort? Are you his choice or convenience? 
You have to be careful with whom put on your vagenda because the dick can touch the heart. - Amanda Seales 
Let's see where it goes with Mikey, whom I likey. Right now I need a diversion, maybe look into the other baskets. Thank you ladies for the wine and listening ear. It's such a relief that I can openly admit my shortcomings. 

The lesson learnt from this conversation is about discernment. Understanding how we should handle something as simple as a crush, or endearment towards someone. It has to be reciprocal through words and actions. Ladies, let's discern!

Keep your heart in your pocket, him at arm's length, and continue to look as good as hell!

A prochaine fois!


P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

The Slow Burn

Stop trying to control everything and start experiencing the slow burn. Hello, single ladies! Comment ça va mes amies? "Je suis bien!   Gather around; today we are having coffee and tea. I'll get my dose of caffeine as usual. I'm so inspired by the previous article. The inspiration came from the last few paragraphs, where I wrote about the slow burn. I remember the movie, "I Want You Back." The character Emma tells Peter that he's attractive, and she would date him, despite the fact that he is a slow burner. And then Kacey Musgraves' "Slow Burn" starts playing in my head. ("I'm alright with a slow burn"). As I decided to rewrite the scripts for my "love story," the last part challenged me. Do you remember what Kat Valdez said in "Marry Me"? If you want something different, you have to do something different. So, you make a different decision. I thought long and hard about that statement. I believe that I'm ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Script My Life: Reality High

High school will always be tough no matter what era... Top be honest, I hated high school with a passion. Okay, most of high school, senior year was bearable. I went through serious teenage angst and it didn't help that I didn't fit in. I struggled with my identity because I grew up bourgie but lived in the ghetto, spoke with a twang and was an artist at heart. I loved pretty things but I preferred being comfortable. And that's why when I watched the Netflix original film, Reality High, I could relate. In high school, everyone wants to be cool and fit in. Starring Nesta Cooper and Keith Powers, the movie is about awkward yet high achieving senior Dani Barnes. Dani is focused on going to college and volunteers at the school's veterinary section. But Dani has an arch enemy not by choice. Enter Alexa Medina, the most popular girl in school who has a vlog. Alexa has a large following of nine million followers and is always moving around taking videos, and photos....
Post a Comment
Read more

Are You Miss Bare Minimum?

You are worth the ICE! Intention. Commitment. Effort. Y'all, this is my proof of life. It's been a minute. It's been a tumultuous season, and I guess that I'm not the only one. I am glad though, that I am here to pour out and into you. You've always understood me. And then P!nk's 'Mizunderstood' becomes a backtrack to this conversation. But that's a conversation for another day. A nous allez! Bonjour, bonjour mes amies! Comment allez-vous? I'm taking it one day at a time. Picture this: you’re on a date, and instead of engaging in conversation, your date is glued to his phone, replying to texts that are definitely not from you. Or maybe he’s the ‘textationship’ king, flooding your screen with emojis but never making time for an actual face-to-face meeting. Now this is a good one, he's the convenience pro who gets to see you and spend time with you within his vicinity, and not outside his capacity. Now what do we call that *taps head thinking*...
Post a Comment
Read more

Single Ladies: Put A ‘V’ On It

“This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.”-V for Vendetta, 2005 I must say those are a lot of ‘V’s in one speech but for all those who have watched the very theatrical and eye opening movie (if you know where I am taking this), ‘V for Vendetta’, then this is actually a favourite quote for many from the flick. (Laughing) I remember a certain young man, who had a huge crush on me, throw those ‘bars’ on me, along with his witty humour and a lot of rather dark poetry but he was adorable. And cute! This one day I was sitting in the office, my mind wandering into the wilderness only to get me to the point of getting mad, I mean seething with anger. In a soliloquy I said, “How dare he? Who the hell does he think he i...
Post a Comment
Read more

Issue Of Trust

Life isn't science that's why there are no formulas... Yet we expect everyone to go through life like the copies of the same textbook. It's easy to condemn someone for not having their act together. Often when you expect very little from specific individuals, you persecute them. As I write this blog, there are thousands of people going through tough times and bound in silence. Someone right now just lost their job, another person is now homeless with an overdue rent debt. Schools are about to open and coming up with school fees is proving to be an immense challenge. I've been open about my current life situation - it's been hard. I remember bumping into a former colleague in a supermarket. We had a brief catch up a session; she was doing well; I wasn't. With pain in my voice, I mentioned that it's been hard, not to mention that I looked like crap. But I don't think she cared, we were never friends like that. But today I reached out to one of ...
Post a Comment
Read more