Skip to main content

Sh*t, I Caught Feelings

"When the dick touches the heart, it means that it's affected you not just physically, but emotionally," Amanda Seales.

Pensive black woman


Single ladies, come right round with your glass of wine, and a box of tissues...those are for me. Damn, I slipped up for sure. Beyoncé wave! I'm in my feelings because I caught feelings. This one caught me off guard. I've been wearing that emotional condom for a while. Y'all know I'm a recovering 'f*ckboy' addict. Remember that last one did me dirty, and I allowed it. But thank God, I missed being attached to that idiot for a lifetime. Dodged a bullet with that one. Sigh of relief!

Despite the pandemic, my love life has been less than boring. And with the empowerment of putting the eggs in different baskets, I have been in control of who and what makes my vagenda. I am still celibate, one year strong, hallelujah! It's been good for my spiritual life, mental health and my career. But in one of my few liaisons, I think that I caught something. No, LaTrey didn't get the nookie. Lion King is bae in progress (BIP), and we are likely to keep him. And as for the others, they keep things interesting. That means that I will not have tunnel vision on this journey.

I believe that I am a demisexual (spiritual attraction), although my attraction has always been mental - sapiosexual. Makes sense why I was drawn to Mr X. I kid you not, that's the most intellectual interaction that I have ever had with a male. I love me an intelligent man - particularly one who carries a vision. But who needs labels for sexuality, right? We comprehend who attracts us and why we are attracted to them. C’est tout! So, I met Micheal recently. If we revert to the discussion about types, honestly he wouldn't be mine. I like them pretty, dysfunctional, highly intellectual, and have a way with words. He was none of the above!  But I think he and I connected on a spiritual level, we made out (passion and lust),  I let my guard down... (Vulnerability)

... and now we are here. 

I don't know how, but Michael penetrated through the security fence, and he tore the emotional condom. What in the hell? Again, I would never pick him at an instant glance. Probably interacted with him out of being polite, but I wouldn't think, "Wow! I would wife you." But his presence was so calming. He felt comfortable and attractive to my spirit. He felt different. Like nothing I've ever felt before. And because I like him, I'm keeping the cookies in the jar for a while...  until I'm sure! I'm not deprived of emotional or even physical affection. Cuddling, hugs, kisses, and attention are in abundance. Remember, the baskets are plenty. (But I am celibate just as a reminder) 

But my chakras need realigning because I caught feelings. Maybe I'm not as cool and collected as I assumed. I like my other baskets, Lion King is checking the boxes, being a gentleman and all, but I like Michael, like, like Michael. 

I don't know whether to be mad at myself or accept that I'm a softy. I'm not as emotionally hardcore as I thought. But, in a soliloquy, I remind myself that emotional investment requires effort from the other party. Can't be messing your vibe for someone who excites you for a millisecond. Does he call when he says that he will? Does he show interest in you and the things you do? Did he take over three days to text you? Has he asked you out on an actual date? And if so, is it Netflix and chill, or does he put actual effort? Are you his choice or convenience? 
You have to be careful with whom put on your vagenda because the dick can touch the heart. - Amanda Seales 
Let's see where it goes with Mikey, whom I likey. Right now I need a diversion, maybe look into the other baskets. Thank you ladies for the wine and listening ear. It's such a relief that I can openly admit my shortcomings. 

The lesson learnt from this conversation is about discernment. Understanding how we should handle something as simple as a crush, or endearment towards someone. It has to be reciprocal through words and actions. Ladies, let's discern!

Keep your heart in your pocket, him at arm's length, and continue to look as good as hell!

A prochaine fois!


P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

When The Door Shuts But There's No Closure

Let this be the last time that I am stupid in love! To quote Bob Marley, 'The biggest coward of a man, is to awaken the love of a woman without the intention of loving her.' No intentions are still intentions and usually cruel intentions. I'm a bitter woman. I'm mad as hell. How did I let that ugly mother****er make me look stupid? Little did I know that I was just setting myself up to feeling dumb and dumber. I'm a clown! So I took the step and reached out to him to get closure. I needed to gather my thoughts and emotions so that I could speak to him calmly. Parce que IRL, I'm on that Lemonade Beyoncé woman scorned level. The initial call that I made, he blew me off. So I took defeat. However, he called back an hour later and the conversation came. My biggest question was 'Why?'. Why pursue me when you already had someone else whom you wanted to give what I myself wanted. Marriage! What was your intention and outcome from all this? I reiterate that I...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dirty Laundry Diaries: Last Friday Night...

Last Friday Night... After a long hiatus from this blog, I've decided to make my return but this time with a vengeance...lol! So as part of my comeback, my blog has changed slightly a bit, same girl but different ish! (The vocabulary has become very colorful!) So my weekend was too cold to freeze a.k.a chilled for my liking but I managed to get the amount of rest that my weary body deserved. So what happened last Friday night, other than playing the third wheel with my sister and her man? Nothing much! But in line with the title of today's blog, I'll share what happened the last Friday of the last. These days I have ditched friends and have gone all family and that is how I roll. So my best friend who happens to be my younger sister, went out for our Friday drinks at our favourite spot in town. (Totally love the ambiance and the deejays are quite cute-one being hotter than the other and they play an amazing set of deep house music). Before I go on, t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Like A Love Song

The best ever written love song isn't perfect but it works! 'I,I love you like a love song baby,I,I love you like a love song,babe.....',young Selena Gomez singing,and vocalising what we would all take love as...a LOVE song. The love song. Women can only dream about being loved the way Gerald Levert put it,'made to love you', or have 'this love' a la Donell Jones. And I'm not talking about the exaggerated 'catching of grenades','crossing oceans',drinking of lovers' bath waters.But a love that leaves one gasping for air as they try to breathe in,a love that gives one warm fuzzy feelings inside.A love that also stands the test of time,and conquers all. But is the impression we are given by love songs similar to real relationships?Would a man not want to be 'mad' like Ne-yo, or beg you to 'stay' like Tyrese? Some may agree,whilst others would be at the other end of the pole. In the mean time men might find Beyonc...
Post a Comment
Read more

It's Your Own Race, Stay In Your Lane

You might miss out on enjoying what's around you because you're rushing to the infinite finish line! I'm exhausted at this moment! Some days I kick myself for having missed opportunities due to pride or naïvety. At times I suffer from FOMO like the rest of our generation as I scroll down my Instagram timeline. I think my LinkedIn makes me feel worse, as I fall short on qualifications. But as I write this, I know that I'm not where I used to be. I worked damn hard - walking, getting sunburnt, looking disheveled, sleepless nights, and no social life. I'm nowhere near halfway to where I really want to be, but the pandemic has taught me to 'count it all joy.' So why do I continuously feel the pressure 'to be'? Tu ne comprends pas la question? It seems that everywhere I go, people are suffering from the “hustle culture” pandemic. By hustle culture, I mean the collective urge we currently seem to feel as a society to work harder, stronger, faster.(Then Daf...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Red Season: Breadcrumbs of Love

No matter how broken you are, a meal of love is what you need. For the first time in a long time, I will admit on this platform, I will admit that I cried. I felt humiliated and hurt. Mariah Carey's "Cry" is playing in my head. I keep asking myself why am I this person? Why do I keep scraping for crumbs of love? Am I not enough? And following a recent disappointment, I reverted to a quote that I saw on a certain blog. "You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you,"  Sipho Mbhele. "You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you,"  Sipho Mbhele. Gosh, I'm tired of this circus. The fact...
Post a Comment
Read more