Friends are mirrors, shadows, at times visions, and sometimes ghosts. - The Real Lady E
Let's talk about #squadgoals!
I have to confess, I'm actually on season six of 'Pretty Little Liars'. 🙈 My grown self should be ashamed! But it inspired me to get to today's blog. I read a post from xoNecole about friendships. Titled, 'Types of Friends You Should Have In Your 30s', I reverted to my article about being in your 30s. In the blog I shared, " Friendships are like a Coca-Cola bottle, as you grow older you know that you will eventually be at the tip."
Watching season six of PLL, we find the 'girls' falling back into bad habits. I still can't fathom their loyalty to Alison DiLaurentis. They feel like they owe her yet it's her crazy relative who terrorised them all through high school. For young women who are supposed to be twenty three, or twenty four, they still act as if they are in high school. IRL, I know some people who are actually similar to the fictitious, (and toxic) clique.
I like to finish what I start, so onward with this ridiculous series. My favourite character is actually Mona Vanderwaal played by Janel Parrish. What is sad about Mona's character is that she's tried so hard to fit in with Alison's clique. They really don't like her, and are actually mean girls. I used to be a Mona! For the longest time I wanted to be part of a girl squad. I thought that if I failed in high school, maybe in college I would succeed. I didn't go to college, but I had a similar experience during my nursing days. I also didn't fit into the girl squad trope. Post baby, I learnt to fly solo. It was a very lonely place, and took a lot of getting used to.
Mona would have done much better without trying to fit into that clique. I have a saying, "Go to where you are loved, not where you are tolerated." There's nothing worse than being that person who people just accommodate because of circumstances. After getting used to enjoying your own company, you get to a point that you choose who enters your space.
We all need friends, but we need to understand what type of friends we need. I would like to have, actually I need, a friend or two, whom when I'm financially challenged, they can come through. It's stressful not having anybody in your phone book who isn't remotely related to you, to ask for a Benjamin when push comes to shove. I don't have a clique but when it comes to my female circle, I have my childhood friend, a loyal friend, the supportive friend and the friend whom I am a friend to. The female work friend hasn't quite worked out for me. I actually tried to have a few but 😩...we will leave it there. I do have quiet a few guy pals in my inner circle. Now they are everything...I mean I couldn't have asked for better friends.
I respect their honesty, problem solving skills, sense of humour and even compassion. Yes, men can be very compassionate. A yes is a 'yes' and a 'no' is exactly that. I also have work friends who are guys. I don't have to question their loyalty or intentions. As I grew older, I stopped deluding myself about cliques. I have come to terms that I might not have my 'Sex and the City', or 'Girlfriends' cliques. But what I do have are individuals who fit into most of my areas of needs. In turn, they turn to me for their needs. I'm actually a friend in deed.
Friends are mirrors, shadows, at times visions, and sometimes ghosts. The saying, 'You are what your friends are', suits the analogy of mirrors. What is your common ground with your inner circle? The PLL circle are liars and terrorised by an anonymous stranger. Some friendships start from childhood, living in the same neighbourhood, high school or college. Others are work related, club going buddies, or fellow Rotary members. While we have a basis for what began the friendship, we should never remain stuck. Many people attach themselves to what brought them together, instead of growing from them. This often can hinder growth or moving on. I remember making the mistake of turning down an opportunity to move to the UK because of my 'friends'. My seventeen year old self, used the logic of completing my A level and going to university. Dumb move! I'm no longer friends with those people. One of them abandoned me when I had my child. The other, we drifted apart, we weren't on the same wavelength. Lesson learnt, real friends will let you go and grow. But back to the mirror, if your friends are a bunch of assholes reflect that you too can be an asshole. Your friends are a reflection of who you are inside and out.
Shadows never leave your side because they are part of you. In terms of friends, your shadow is the loyal friend. You don't necessarily need to be bound by the hip, but they are the reliable ones. In Shona, they are called 'Tsika nditsike'. Shadows know you sometimes even better than you know yourself. Visions are those friends who help you meet your vision. They offer both networks and the support system that you need to meet your full potential. These friends don't suffocate you with demands and barely stunt your growth.
I remember it was Shoko Festival 2017. A friend and I were getting some food from one of the stands. And then someone calls me out of the festival noise. It was her! The so-called friend who abandoned me when I had my baby. I was livid. Emotions erupted I really wanted to slap her across her face. But I didn't! She came and hugged me as if we were cool. Ghosts! The PLL clique return the 'ghosts' of a life that they were trying to leave because Alison asked them to. Alison is their ghost. In friendships, ghosts are the unpleasant, often toxic individuals who take you ten steps back. Some are for two seconds, while others return to wreak havoc. My younger sister has a few 'ghosts' of her own. I have never understood why she takes back he toxic friends? She justifies that unlike me, she's a forgiving person. Chile, this ain't a competition. Still, once bitten twice shy, but bad habits take long to die. Ghosts, are bad habits! They pull us back, suck out the life out of us and even bring out the worst in us.
But even ghosts come with lessons. Resist the devil and he will flee. Do your best not to get back into old habits, or go back to where you used to be. In this thing called life we need to know three things: not everybody is your friend, you are a friend to someone but they may not be your friend and it's okay to let go when you have outgrown people. In an interview, Tyler Perry reminded us about friendships and people who ought to be in your life. He shares that we have to differentiate between the leaves, branches, and roots in our lives. This statement is also part of one of the Madea stage plays. Madea says that we need to get to a place of self love. You need to love yourself and enjoy your own company before you bring in someone else.
Self love isn't limited to only romantic relationships, it extends to all kinds of relationships. It applies even in the work area. You need to love yourself enough to ask for the raise, or promotion that you deserve, to have your ideas heard and to avoid overworking, and burnout. But we are discussing friendships. Unfortunately, we are socialised from childhood to need friends and do whatever to fit in. I believe that's why peer pressure is so easy. The point isn't to teach our children to be self centred, however, our children need to be comfortable enough to ride solo. It's okay to have friends who are individuals. It's okay to enjoy your own company but be able to accommodate others. There's life outside one's circle. That point is very important because most of us miss out on life changing opportunities due to circles.
Of riding solo, cliques and friendships, as the late Bill Withers sang, "We all need somebody to lean on." Keep your friends close, and assess your circles, always. To quote a post from xoNecole, "Monitor your inner circle. Sometimes we have people around us who we've known forever and think we can trust but they are secretly hoping for our downfall. Or they're too scared to live their dreams that they'll stop you from living yours." Understand the purpose and benefit of each friend in your life. Yes, friendship should be beneficial. You too must be willing to return the favour of a true, supportive and meaningful friendship. You get what you give like the Shona proverb says, "Kandiro kanoenda kunobva kamwe". (A plate returns from where the other comes from).
Of riding solo, cliques and friendships, find the right shoe that fits so that you can click your heels...
...and dance through the adventures of life!
Here's to great, everlasting friendships!
P.S. : Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
Let's talk about #squadgoals!
I have to confess, I'm actually on season six of 'Pretty Little Liars'. 🙈 My grown self should be ashamed! But it inspired me to get to today's blog. I read a post from xoNecole about friendships. Titled, 'Types of Friends You Should Have In Your 30s', I reverted to my article about being in your 30s. In the blog I shared, " Friendships are like a Coca-Cola bottle, as you grow older you know that you will eventually be at the tip."
Friendships are like a Coca-Cola bottle, as you grow older you know that you will eventually be at the tip.
Watching season six of PLL, we find the 'girls' falling back into bad habits. I still can't fathom their loyalty to Alison DiLaurentis. They feel like they owe her yet it's her crazy relative who terrorised them all through high school. For young women who are supposed to be twenty three, or twenty four, they still act as if they are in high school. IRL, I know some people who are actually similar to the fictitious, (and toxic) clique.
I like to finish what I start, so onward with this ridiculous series. My favourite character is actually Mona Vanderwaal played by Janel Parrish. What is sad about Mona's character is that she's tried so hard to fit in with Alison's clique. They really don't like her, and are actually mean girls. I used to be a Mona! For the longest time I wanted to be part of a girl squad. I thought that if I failed in high school, maybe in college I would succeed. I didn't go to college, but I had a similar experience during my nursing days. I also didn't fit into the girl squad trope. Post baby, I learnt to fly solo. It was a very lonely place, and took a lot of getting used to.
Mona would have done much better without trying to fit into that clique. I have a saying, "Go to where you are loved, not where you are tolerated." There's nothing worse than being that person who people just accommodate because of circumstances. After getting used to enjoying your own company, you get to a point that you choose who enters your space.
Whoever brings you the most peace should get the most time.
We all need friends, but we need to understand what type of friends we need. I would like to have, actually I need, a friend or two, whom when I'm financially challenged, they can come through. It's stressful not having anybody in your phone book who isn't remotely related to you, to ask for a Benjamin when push comes to shove. I don't have a clique but when it comes to my female circle, I have my childhood friend, a loyal friend, the supportive friend and the friend whom I am a friend to. The female work friend hasn't quite worked out for me. I actually tried to have a few but 😩...we will leave it there. I do have quiet a few guy pals in my inner circle. Now they are everything...I mean I couldn't have asked for better friends.
I respect their honesty, problem solving skills, sense of humour and even compassion. Yes, men can be very compassionate. A yes is a 'yes' and a 'no' is exactly that. I also have work friends who are guys. I don't have to question their loyalty or intentions. As I grew older, I stopped deluding myself about cliques. I have come to terms that I might not have my 'Sex and the City', or 'Girlfriends' cliques. But what I do have are individuals who fit into most of my areas of needs. In turn, they turn to me for their needs. I'm actually a friend in deed.
Friends are mirrors, shadows, at times visions, and sometimes ghosts. The saying, 'You are what your friends are', suits the analogy of mirrors. What is your common ground with your inner circle? The PLL circle are liars and terrorised by an anonymous stranger. Some friendships start from childhood, living in the same neighbourhood, high school or college. Others are work related, club going buddies, or fellow Rotary members. While we have a basis for what began the friendship, we should never remain stuck. Many people attach themselves to what brought them together, instead of growing from them. This often can hinder growth or moving on. I remember making the mistake of turning down an opportunity to move to the UK because of my 'friends'. My seventeen year old self, used the logic of completing my A level and going to university. Dumb move! I'm no longer friends with those people. One of them abandoned me when I had my child. The other, we drifted apart, we weren't on the same wavelength. Lesson learnt, real friends will let you go and grow. But back to the mirror, if your friends are a bunch of assholes reflect that you too can be an asshole. Your friends are a reflection of who you are inside and out.
Shadows never leave your side because they are part of you. In terms of friends, your shadow is the loyal friend. You don't necessarily need to be bound by the hip, but they are the reliable ones. In Shona, they are called 'Tsika nditsike'. Shadows know you sometimes even better than you know yourself. Visions are those friends who help you meet your vision. They offer both networks and the support system that you need to meet your full potential. These friends don't suffocate you with demands and barely stunt your growth.
I remember it was Shoko Festival 2017. A friend and I were getting some food from one of the stands. And then someone calls me out of the festival noise. It was her! The so-called friend who abandoned me when I had my baby. I was livid. Emotions erupted I really wanted to slap her across her face. But I didn't! She came and hugged me as if we were cool. Ghosts! The PLL clique return the 'ghosts' of a life that they were trying to leave because Alison asked them to. Alison is their ghost. In friendships, ghosts are the unpleasant, often toxic individuals who take you ten steps back. Some are for two seconds, while others return to wreak havoc. My younger sister has a few 'ghosts' of her own. I have never understood why she takes back he toxic friends? She justifies that unlike me, she's a forgiving person. Chile, this ain't a competition. Still, once bitten twice shy, but bad habits take long to die. Ghosts, are bad habits! They pull us back, suck out the life out of us and even bring out the worst in us.
...Once bitten twice shy, but bad habits take long to die.
But even ghosts come with lessons. Resist the devil and he will flee. Do your best not to get back into old habits, or go back to where you used to be. In this thing called life we need to know three things: not everybody is your friend, you are a friend to someone but they may not be your friend and it's okay to let go when you have outgrown people. In an interview, Tyler Perry reminded us about friendships and people who ought to be in your life. He shares that we have to differentiate between the leaves, branches, and roots in our lives. This statement is also part of one of the Madea stage plays. Madea says that we need to get to a place of self love. You need to love yourself and enjoy your own company before you bring in someone else.
Self love isn't limited to only romantic relationships, it extends to all kinds of relationships. It applies even in the work area. You need to love yourself enough to ask for the raise, or promotion that you deserve, to have your ideas heard and to avoid overworking, and burnout. But we are discussing friendships. Unfortunately, we are socialised from childhood to need friends and do whatever to fit in. I believe that's why peer pressure is so easy. The point isn't to teach our children to be self centred, however, our children need to be comfortable enough to ride solo. It's okay to have friends who are individuals. It's okay to enjoy your own company but be able to accommodate others. There's life outside one's circle. That point is very important because most of us miss out on life changing opportunities due to circles.
Of riding solo, cliques and friendships, as the late Bill Withers sang, "We all need somebody to lean on." Keep your friends close, and assess your circles, always. To quote a post from xoNecole, "Monitor your inner circle. Sometimes we have people around us who we've known forever and think we can trust but they are secretly hoping for our downfall. Or they're too scared to live their dreams that they'll stop you from living yours." Understand the purpose and benefit of each friend in your life. Yes, friendship should be beneficial. You too must be willing to return the favour of a true, supportive and meaningful friendship. You get what you give like the Shona proverb says, "Kandiro kanoenda kunobva kamwe". (A plate returns from where the other comes from).
Monitor your inner circle. Sometimes we have people around us who we've known forever and think we can trust but they are secretly hoping for our downfall. Or they're too scared to live their dreams that they'll stop you from living yours.
Of riding solo, cliques and friendships, find the right shoe that fits so that you can click your heels...
...and dance through the adventures of life!
Here's to great, everlasting friendships!
P.S. : Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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