I just had the most vivid dream about my high school crush!
I think I love him! But that's a conversation for another day. Hey single ladies, (Beyoncé wave)! How are you beautiful goddesses? I am fine thank you.
The journey is so exciting and evolutionary. To imagine where we started from six years ago to date, the amount of internal change and personal growth. Like you, I'm still single, but I'm now single with a purpose. And I can safely say that I am ready for Mr Put-a-ring-on-it, and the whole shebang - flaws and all. Even my brother's girlfriend affirmed that I am a mature woman ready to settle down. But it's not the narrative for all the single ladies and that's okay!
My older sister and I always have these conversations about personal growth and self love. She is a wellness and mental health consultant with a background in psychiatry. I am a work in progress with a nursing background, psychology and psychiatry included. I also use my personal experiences as the example and testimony to assist others on their own journey.
We are both on the path of self healing, discovery and love as we navigate through relationships. The other day we discussed the issue of relationship types. We went in about how we love and types. I explained to my sister that my type, now, is a man who is intentional in pursuing a committed relationship with me. To her, that was a very profound and mature statement. She applauded me for my journey to self love. Yes, it's taken me four years to get here.
Our conversation comes at the height of dealing with a recent hurt. I actually had to confront the fact that a male had broken my heart. But I think that it was more of feeling humiliated than anything else. Whilst dealing with the guilt and shame, an epiphany struck me. I'm finally at peace with the one poltergeist that haunted me for a long time...Mr X.(Yes,him!) I can say his name without cringing. Actually, someone can talk about him and I don't even flinch. Oh yes, he's so yesterday like a pair of hipsters. I do say that from the bottom of my zen self.
I low key enjoy Ariana Grande's music! I absolutely love 'Thank you, next'. From the centennial songstress, the lyrics speak profoundly to me. It's an appreciation of lessons learnt from past relationships. Oh my, I am a fascinating woman because of the males who came into my life. Not all males were negative. I previously highlighted about the 'ideal man' through experiences with the men that I interacted with. Single ladies, we are appreciating our exes as we prepare for the next...the ONE! Mr Put-a-ring-on-it!
Let me take you to church for a little bit. In the Bible there's the book of Esther. Esther, born Hadassah, was an orphan Jewish girl with an influential calling in her life. Her uncle Mordecai, advises her to apply to be king Xerxes' queen. Now in my head, I play this story like this. It was like a pageant, where all the women were fine with different qualities. They spent months being prepared to be presented before the Persian king. Esther was groomed, she had a makeover - hair, nails, and clothes. She was probably a five or six at the start but became an eight or nine after the boot camp. Then the day of the qualifications came, all the single, beautiful ladies strut their stuff in front of king Xerxes. But the one that caught the king's eye was Esther. She won his heart to the point when her divine purpose was meant to serve, the dude chose his wife's word over his advisor.
The lesson: Be prepared like the brownie motto.
I don't wish heartbreak or pain on anyone but if you go through it, it's a valuable lesson to learn. The value of these lessons only come when you don't blame the guy for his shortcomings. You need to wear your big girl panties and acknowledge your contribution to the disintegration or non existence of your relationship, or situationship. At times the failure of the relationship is a reflection of dysfunctions one has to deal with. We all have issues, just ask Julia Michaels, but the question is, do you want to deal with them and grow? Pain is addictive, bitterness makes good company but is it really worth it? It took me a long while to realise my own dysfunctions when it came to Mr X. Funny enough, that dysfunction continued with all the 'rebounds' after him. My mentor and uncle, are the two men who enlightened me about dealing with, and healing from that. I was stubborn as a mule, but eventually I budged. I didn't want to be mad as hell or bitter. My mentor taught me to believe that I deserved to be loved and treated well.
During my healing process, there was Sam and Tom and everyone else. Sam was patient. Tom was a gentleman. They weren't exes, just amazing guys who reminded me how a 'good' woman should be treated. And yes, QJ, and Summer Dream, both a breath of fresh air! I can sing along to the part, "One taught me love, One taught me patience," with confidence. As single ladies we need to appreciate the journey.
Some women are more fortunate than others, they don't kiss too many frogs before finding the one. Others, like myself, have to become a woman of substance to appreciate their Barack Obama. When you are not blinded by the scales of anger, pain or self loathing, you see clearer. When you have unpacked your baggage, you strut into the next relationship with only hand luggage. You are able to discern the demons from the angels and resist the devil so that he will flee. When you go through your journey, you are Esther, in preparation. You are preparing for something more meaningful. You are preparing for something out of the ordinary. You aren't just a basic chick!
'You burn, you learn' is my life mantra, and lyrics to Alanis Morissette's song. The point is that you acknowledge that fire burns, so you won't play around with it. Our assignment single ladies is to draft a list of the exes, even the one day stands. We create three columns with the headings: his fault, my flaws and lesson learnt. An example, I wrote, Sagittarius. His fault - immature, my flaws - tolerating bullshit, and the lesson learnt, do not be unequally yoked. It's not about being hard on yourself, or playing the blame game. It's introspection meets retrospect. You are looking inward to solve the exterior. The next part of the assignment is the 'forgiveness list'. One side of your page you write, 'I forgive myself for' and on the other side you pen down, 'I forgive him for'. Please do take your time with this exercise. The end goal is to find inner peace and create a positive outlook towards relationships.
As you practice this you will feel the load lift up from your shoulders. Practice does make perfect, and once you have perfected the art of letting go, there's space for 'him'. And believe me, you will know!
Let's get the microphone, and sing karaoke. "Thank you, next, Thank you, next...I'm so grateful for my ex!" Wink!
Until the next time, toss your hair, get your nails did, eyebrows on fleek, wear that freakum dress and recite, 'Still I rise'...
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
I think I love him! But that's a conversation for another day. Hey single ladies, (Beyoncé wave)! How are you beautiful goddesses? I am fine thank you.
The journey is so exciting and evolutionary. To imagine where we started from six years ago to date, the amount of internal change and personal growth. Like you, I'm still single, but I'm now single with a purpose. And I can safely say that I am ready for Mr Put-a-ring-on-it, and the whole shebang - flaws and all. Even my brother's girlfriend affirmed that I am a mature woman ready to settle down. But it's not the narrative for all the single ladies and that's okay!
My older sister and I always have these conversations about personal growth and self love. She is a wellness and mental health consultant with a background in psychiatry. I am a work in progress with a nursing background, psychology and psychiatry included. I also use my personal experiences as the example and testimony to assist others on their own journey.
We are both on the path of self healing, discovery and love as we navigate through relationships. The other day we discussed the issue of relationship types. We went in about how we love and types. I explained to my sister that my type, now, is a man who is intentional in pursuing a committed relationship with me. To her, that was a very profound and mature statement. She applauded me for my journey to self love. Yes, it's taken me four years to get here.
My type now is a man who is intentional in pursuing a committed relationship with me.
Our conversation comes at the height of dealing with a recent hurt. I actually had to confront the fact that a male had broken my heart. But I think that it was more of feeling humiliated than anything else. Whilst dealing with the guilt and shame, an epiphany struck me. I'm finally at peace with the one poltergeist that haunted me for a long time...Mr X.(Yes,him!) I can say his name without cringing. Actually, someone can talk about him and I don't even flinch. Oh yes, he's so yesterday like a pair of hipsters. I do say that from the bottom of my zen self.
I low key enjoy Ariana Grande's music! I absolutely love 'Thank you, next'. From the centennial songstress, the lyrics speak profoundly to me. It's an appreciation of lessons learnt from past relationships. Oh my, I am a fascinating woman because of the males who came into my life. Not all males were negative. I previously highlighted about the 'ideal man' through experiences with the men that I interacted with. Single ladies, we are appreciating our exes as we prepare for the next...the ONE! Mr Put-a-ring-on-it!
Let me take you to church for a little bit. In the Bible there's the book of Esther. Esther, born Hadassah, was an orphan Jewish girl with an influential calling in her life. Her uncle Mordecai, advises her to apply to be king Xerxes' queen. Now in my head, I play this story like this. It was like a pageant, where all the women were fine with different qualities. They spent months being prepared to be presented before the Persian king. Esther was groomed, she had a makeover - hair, nails, and clothes. She was probably a five or six at the start but became an eight or nine after the boot camp. Then the day of the qualifications came, all the single, beautiful ladies strut their stuff in front of king Xerxes. But the one that caught the king's eye was Esther. She won his heart to the point when her divine purpose was meant to serve, the dude chose his wife's word over his advisor.
The lesson: Be prepared like the brownie motto.
I don't wish heartbreak or pain on anyone but if you go through it, it's a valuable lesson to learn. The value of these lessons only come when you don't blame the guy for his shortcomings. You need to wear your big girl panties and acknowledge your contribution to the disintegration or non existence of your relationship, or situationship. At times the failure of the relationship is a reflection of dysfunctions one has to deal with. We all have issues, just ask Julia Michaels, but the question is, do you want to deal with them and grow? Pain is addictive, bitterness makes good company but is it really worth it? It took me a long while to realise my own dysfunctions when it came to Mr X. Funny enough, that dysfunction continued with all the 'rebounds' after him. My mentor and uncle, are the two men who enlightened me about dealing with, and healing from that. I was stubborn as a mule, but eventually I budged. I didn't want to be mad as hell or bitter. My mentor taught me to believe that I deserved to be loved and treated well.
During my healing process, there was Sam and Tom and everyone else. Sam was patient. Tom was a gentleman. They weren't exes, just amazing guys who reminded me how a 'good' woman should be treated. And yes, QJ, and Summer Dream, both a breath of fresh air! I can sing along to the part, "One taught me love, One taught me patience," with confidence. As single ladies we need to appreciate the journey.
Some women are more fortunate than others, they don't kiss too many frogs before finding the one. Others, like myself, have to become a woman of substance to appreciate their Barack Obama. When you are not blinded by the scales of anger, pain or self loathing, you see clearer. When you have unpacked your baggage, you strut into the next relationship with only hand luggage. You are able to discern the demons from the angels and resist the devil so that he will flee. When you go through your journey, you are Esther, in preparation. You are preparing for something more meaningful. You are preparing for something out of the ordinary. You aren't just a basic chick!
'You burn, you learn' is my life mantra, and lyrics to Alanis Morissette's song. The point is that you acknowledge that fire burns, so you won't play around with it. Our assignment single ladies is to draft a list of the exes, even the one day stands. We create three columns with the headings: his fault, my flaws and lesson learnt. An example, I wrote, Sagittarius. His fault - immature, my flaws - tolerating bullshit, and the lesson learnt, do not be unequally yoked. It's not about being hard on yourself, or playing the blame game. It's introspection meets retrospect. You are looking inward to solve the exterior. The next part of the assignment is the 'forgiveness list'. One side of your page you write, 'I forgive myself for' and on the other side you pen down, 'I forgive him for'. Please do take your time with this exercise. The end goal is to find inner peace and create a positive outlook towards relationships.
As you practice this you will feel the load lift up from your shoulders. Practice does make perfect, and once you have perfected the art of letting go, there's space for 'him'. And believe me, you will know!
Let's get the microphone, and sing karaoke. "Thank you, next, Thank you, next...I'm so grateful for my ex!" Wink!
Until the next time, toss your hair, get your nails did, eyebrows on fleek, wear that freakum dress and recite, 'Still I rise'...
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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