I heart all of you on this #WCW! If nobody is crushing on you, I send out mad love to you! You are gorgeous, formidable and alluring!
As a music lover and critic, I come across so much music. I might hate a lot of things about Zimbabwe, but music isn't one of them. In the past decade there has been a great improvement in music in this country. Gone are the days of tone-deaf producers and off-pitch singers. Yep, people are doing the ting! I'm playing music off my playlist and then I come across the rapper Marcques' music. I won't lie, Marcques has that panty dropping voice - think Barry White, Don Cornelius, or DJ Sbu. While he has a new single out, I was playing his 2017 single off the Veryus project. Titled, 'Type Yamudhara', the hip hop/trap single is all about the type of girl that the protagonist is feeling. I started thinking...what's my type? Whose type am I?
We have all pondered the above questions, maybe once or twice. We often discover our types through patterns. Maybe we date guys from certain ethnicities or occupations because of their height or mannerisms. For whatever reason, it dawns upon you that you have 'a type.' I am a recovering 'bad boy' lover. Lord knows how I previously had a thing for bad boys, often praying that they weren't too bad. I have repented! I love me some good men who give good lovin' and are all about me!
Having gone through the different types of bachelors, you can pick the type of suitor that you desire. From the single dad to swirling in the race pool and even the younger guy, I have weighed the pros and cons of each bachelor. You all know that relationships aren't perfect, but you can make them perfect by working on them every single day. So your choice is your choice!
Prior to Summer Dream, I was against dating younger guys. Firstly, I am a single woman with a child. There's no way in hell that I'm about to take on responsibility for another 'child' who ain't from my loins. I was of the perception that a younger guy wouldn't understand my circumstances as a single parent. I felt that the responsibility would be too much for him. (I kind of still do.) Look, if I sidelined the thought of dating my agemate, what about someone born during the 'No Scrubs' era? But the narrative changed over a period of seven months.
I met Summer Dream, a young undergraduate with big entrepreneurial dreams. He asked me upon our first meeting about my perceptions of relationships. Erm, I believe my non-zen self threw in a sharp-tongued comment. Oh, mios dios! It didn't end there. I used to get a lot of 'I don't do younger guys' comments for reasons counting from one to infinity. Yet a calm summer dream would listen attentively. Y'all, I was so unattractive! I dressed like I didn't like myself; I was loud, sometimes brash, and eish. I just needed a scent of femininity.
One day, while I was focusing on my work, a whiff of a masculine scent passed me by. It was like that cool, gentle breeze on a hot summer's day. I looked up, and in a dreamlike state, I saw stars and a halo. It was Summer Dream, dressed formally in a pink shirt and black trousers. Every inch of his sculpted arms protruded through his shirt. Lawd, he was fiiiine! That's when I first came to realise that I just might be attracted to him. Then I think, I would like to get to know you—you fine specimen of a man!
After that day, I held conversations with him at every opportunity. I tried to look better too, you know, to be slightly visually appealing. I wanted to dissect his mind and understand what my new 'crush' was about. And boy, did I start ticking off that checklist. He read books, paid his tithes, loved travelling, played chess, dressed well, and loved food. Plus, he's tall and fine. Did I just hit the jackpot? I then realised that the type' that I often wanted was slightly changing.
You see, prior to Summer Dream," I was only interested in mature (older) men. I preferred a divorcee or single dad because of the kid thing. Someone who has children is easier to get along with. If the bachelor had no children of their own, they still needed to be four to ten years older than me. Of course, he had to be educated, employed, well read, love travel, have a vernacular in wine tasting and culture—I mean, can comprehend my poems—attend the opera, and collect paintings. Mr. X was almost the 'perfect' candidate for the above traits, but we all know how that novel ended.
Summer Dream, on the other hand, unintentionally changed my mind. Unbeknownst to him, I could actually see a long-term thing with him. He was somewhat open-minded, mature to an extent, and very focused. Now that he was my type, my question became, "Would he like me? He had a type, like many young guys his age. Pretty face, thick thighs, and a big booty. I did say that he's younger, so I ain't judging. Clearly, that's when reality hit me, and I digressed from any imagination.
Don't get it twisted. I still liked him, but I have been on that Samantha Mumba, "Don't wanna love you if you don't love me," tip for a while now. I do not force reciprocation of attraction or feelings. So for months, Summer Dream and I would just talk when we could. We got to know each other slightly. He would give me a lift when he could to where I was going. We would discuss life ambitions and weekend events. It was delightful. This went on until he left the country, and well, that's the end of that novela.
The lesson that I learned from all this is that we actually don't have types. Often, the so-called 'types' are fantasies or projections of our dysfunction or insecurities. Your type is actually the person that you are attracted to at that time. I now laugh every time someone says, 'You're not my type!" or 'I'm your type!' Are you sure about that?
Your type is actually the person that you are attracted to at that time.
Jamie Foxx sang, "I keep falling for your type," but that doesn't need to be the narrative. You can break the cycle of doppelgangers and reincarnations. The Barack to your Michelle isn't the tall, chocolate man with the sexy abs and bald head. He's probably the average-height man, with the nerdy glasses and social awkwardness, who makes you laugh and spontaneously whisks you away. We often look at what's good on paper and fix our minds on our 'type'. Yet in real life, there's someone who catches you off guard, checks those crucial boxes, is really your 'type,' and most of all, is right for you.
..."This woman's my type of lady!"
Take a shower, have two eyebrows, strap those heels and swing those hips...
Put yourself out there!
Until the next time...
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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