Why do you complain, when you are too blind to see what's in front of you?
From Mario's 'Just a Friend', to J Holiday's 'Be With Me', to the classic, Mr Big 'Be With You', it's all about the 'friend zone'. The male protagonists sing about a friend who is a love interest. They desire to have a relationship with this special friend. I believe that we all have been asked that question about why we 'friend zone' people? In my conversations, it's always the guys blaming the women for the 'friend zone'. Some of my guy friends accuse me of doing that especially to guys that like me.
Erm, I don't have a friend zone! I have what we call the 'grey love zone'! This is where I have stacked all my love interests waiting for them to see the light and come to my 'love zone'. But if any guy feels that I have placed them in that zone, it's subconscious. Askies!
However, there are a few reasons that you might be in my friend zone. Actually, you might be in anyone's friend zone. For the sake of telling my story, these are the reasons why you might still be in the friend zone:
1. You don't express how you feel
I'm not Akon, you can't put the blame on me. Countless times, guys, often drunk, have confessed to having a thing for me. Well I'll be damned! 'A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts,' unknown. Why in the hell did you keep this from me all this time? I'm only 4 ft 9", I'm the least intimidating creature on the planet. Like Brownstone sang it, "If you want me, say it. If you trust me, show it. If you need me, prove it." The same way that guys aren't psychics, nor am I. If you don't say it, show it or prove it, I will not know how you feel about me. I left guessing games in preschool, if you are into me just say it. I will only reject you for points 3 and 4, otherwise, with a date, you probably have a shot. Shoot it!
2. You treat her like a sister
I remember the pit in my stomach after a crush said, "She's like a sister to me!" Nkosi yam' (my God!), my chwest! Yep, that just hosed down my coochie! (Forgive my French!) But treating a woman like a sister isn't just limited to words. If you allow other males to make passes at her, or you don't flirt with her, clearly you are not into her. A guy who's into a woman will be territorial. You will defuse any potential sparks between your love interest and other guys. You playfully flirt with her to show that you are interested. Otherwise, the code says that we should have been siblings. In that case, I will just treat you like a brother and require that your girlfriend calls me 'tete' (sister-in-law)!
3. You are a jerk
There's no easy way to say this but, you are jerk! There is no way on God's green earth that I will date you if you are a douche. I have a handful of male friends who are complete assholes. They are probably in my circle due to redeeming qualities like being bootying (partying) buddies, or emergency ATMs. However, the way they speak about women or treat them, are big red flags. You threw a drink at a girl, you call women 'b*tches', you fat shame women...Are you the spawn of Satan? If you have no track record of good loving, or you speak ill of womankind, (mind, your mother is a woman too), you will be in that zone...forever! (Cardi B voice on emphasising 'forever'.)
4. You are already attached
You have a ring on your finger but have the audacity to make moves on me. Your lobola was featured on the Zim weddings IG page, and you want to what? Shame, on you! If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it, but you didn't. Instead, you picked another female because she was 'wifey material', or you had a baby trap because you forgot to strap! (Rolling eyes, 'forgot' my a#$!) We haven't forgotten you with the longterm girlfriend trying to be slick with us. We aren't campaigning for side chick position! Your stupid country might be vouching for sidechick rights and polygamous marriages, but we aren't here for sister wives! Once you are married, you are in the 'used-to-be-my-friend' zone! If you are lucky, you might be relegated to brother zone, (depending on our friendship).
5. She's actually not into you
Rest in peace to any wet dream or fantasy of being with a woman who's completely not into you. I am very much guilty of 'breaking hearts' in this department. Eish! How do I tell you that I am completely not into you but we can be friends? Yes, you are a great guy who would make me feel loved and worshipped. You will do everything like the romantic movies. You will even be a great dad to my children. But there's no 'that thing' that Somizi always talks about. We have no chemistry, physics or biology. I like you because you are a pleasant human being whom I can hang out with. But to be my lover? Oh my! A woman who's not into you, doesn't make her a villain or shallow. You just don't connect on that level. And sadly, there's no gentle or polite way to turn you down. Sorry!
So, my single, well raised, respectable guy friends, can we stop with the accusations. If you like me, you have enough opportunity. The floor is yours. You have my number, you know my house, I visit yours (sometimes), we hang out...all opportunities. Don't say that I didn't summon you into the light.
"I see you in a different way, through different eyes, It's so nice," Chante Moore, " I see you like I have never seen you before, Now I wanna see you much more."
If you are still in the friend zone, it's because you want to remain there...
Fine by me.
Just don't give a girl hell for it...
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
From Mario's 'Just a Friend', to J Holiday's 'Be With Me', to the classic, Mr Big 'Be With You', it's all about the 'friend zone'. The male protagonists sing about a friend who is a love interest. They desire to have a relationship with this special friend. I believe that we all have been asked that question about why we 'friend zone' people? In my conversations, it's always the guys blaming the women for the 'friend zone'. Some of my guy friends accuse me of doing that especially to guys that like me.
Erm, I don't have a friend zone! I have what we call the 'grey love zone'! This is where I have stacked all my love interests waiting for them to see the light and come to my 'love zone'. But if any guy feels that I have placed them in that zone, it's subconscious. Askies!
However, there are a few reasons that you might be in my friend zone. Actually, you might be in anyone's friend zone. For the sake of telling my story, these are the reasons why you might still be in the friend zone:
1. You don't express how you feel
I'm not Akon, you can't put the blame on me. Countless times, guys, often drunk, have confessed to having a thing for me. Well I'll be damned! 'A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts,' unknown. Why in the hell did you keep this from me all this time? I'm only 4 ft 9", I'm the least intimidating creature on the planet. Like Brownstone sang it, "If you want me, say it. If you trust me, show it. If you need me, prove it." The same way that guys aren't psychics, nor am I. If you don't say it, show it or prove it, I will not know how you feel about me. I left guessing games in preschool, if you are into me just say it. I will only reject you for points 3 and 4, otherwise, with a date, you probably have a shot. Shoot it!
2. You treat her like a sister
I remember the pit in my stomach after a crush said, "She's like a sister to me!" Nkosi yam' (my God!), my chwest! Yep, that just hosed down my coochie! (Forgive my French!) But treating a woman like a sister isn't just limited to words. If you allow other males to make passes at her, or you don't flirt with her, clearly you are not into her. A guy who's into a woman will be territorial. You will defuse any potential sparks between your love interest and other guys. You playfully flirt with her to show that you are interested. Otherwise, the code says that we should have been siblings. In that case, I will just treat you like a brother and require that your girlfriend calls me 'tete' (sister-in-law)!
3. You are a jerk
There's no easy way to say this but, you are jerk! There is no way on God's green earth that I will date you if you are a douche. I have a handful of male friends who are complete assholes. They are probably in my circle due to redeeming qualities like being bootying (partying) buddies, or emergency ATMs. However, the way they speak about women or treat them, are big red flags. You threw a drink at a girl, you call women 'b*tches', you fat shame women...Are you the spawn of Satan? If you have no track record of good loving, or you speak ill of womankind, (mind, your mother is a woman too), you will be in that zone...forever! (Cardi B voice on emphasising 'forever'.)
4. You are already attached
You have a ring on your finger but have the audacity to make moves on me. Your lobola was featured on the Zim weddings IG page, and you want to what? Shame, on you! If you liked it, then you should have put a ring on it, but you didn't. Instead, you picked another female because she was 'wifey material', or you had a baby trap because you forgot to strap! (Rolling eyes, 'forgot' my a#$!) We haven't forgotten you with the longterm girlfriend trying to be slick with us. We aren't campaigning for side chick position! Your stupid country might be vouching for sidechick rights and polygamous marriages, but we aren't here for sister wives! Once you are married, you are in the 'used-to-be-my-friend' zone! If you are lucky, you might be relegated to brother zone, (depending on our friendship).
5. She's actually not into you
Rest in peace to any wet dream or fantasy of being with a woman who's completely not into you. I am very much guilty of 'breaking hearts' in this department. Eish! How do I tell you that I am completely not into you but we can be friends? Yes, you are a great guy who would make me feel loved and worshipped. You will do everything like the romantic movies. You will even be a great dad to my children. But there's no 'that thing' that Somizi always talks about. We have no chemistry, physics or biology. I like you because you are a pleasant human being whom I can hang out with. But to be my lover? Oh my! A woman who's not into you, doesn't make her a villain or shallow. You just don't connect on that level. And sadly, there's no gentle or polite way to turn you down. Sorry!
So, my single, well raised, respectable guy friends, can we stop with the accusations. If you like me, you have enough opportunity. The floor is yours. You have my number, you know my house, I visit yours (sometimes), we hang out...all opportunities. Don't say that I didn't summon you into the light.
"I see you in a different way, through different eyes, It's so nice," Chante Moore, " I see you like I have never seen you before, Now I wanna see you much more."
If you are still in the friend zone, it's because you want to remain there...
Fine by me.
Just don't give a girl hell for it...
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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