It's story time! I know we love going through each page of 'Single Ladies, the Quest for Mr. Put-a-Ring-On-it', and receiving a few pearls of wisdom. As I write every post in this series, the book's theme changes. Remember the time that we wanted so badly to become "Mrs." Now, every article is about healing, self-love, and growth. In addition, mental health is of great value, and it's our prerogative. This isn't just my journey; it's our journey. I love this space because, on this platform, y'all are my girlfriends. We hang out with our glasses of wine to chat. We can refer to pop culture and even real-life examples of our own inspirations for love and life at large.
With a show of hands, who was a pre-teen or teen during the late 1990s and early 2000s? The era where we had several pop groups, velour tracksuits, guys braiding cornrows, and MTV was still cool. Taking inspiration from the title of today's blog, I received inspiration from Samantha Mumba's 'Gotta Tell You'. Anyone remember the pop songstress born to a Zambian father and Scottish mother? I recall the music video for 'Gotta Tell You', where Samantha Mumba wore a pink boob tube and blue denim hipsters. Her hair was braided, and she had what, at the time, we considered pretty cool choreography. On my playlist, 'Gotta Tell You' fell into the 'songs about crushes' category. In that same playlist, I had Jamelia's 'I Do', Atomic Kitten's 'Tide is High', Mandy Moore's 'Be With You', and LeAnn Rimes' 'Can't Fight the Moonlight', to name but a few. Oh yes, the coconut in me was crazy about British pop. I am pleasantly nostalgic about my youth, the simplicity, and my ability to interact without fear. Oh, well!
I have a confession (D'banj voice). I almost slid into Genesis' DM and texted, "Let's just have a baby together!" Erm, then Jiminy Cricket whispered into my ear, "Do you really want to do that?" Well, it's not like I never professed my enamoured position to him. Do you remember eleventh grade (Form 4), when I was dared to confess my crush? I wryly smile at the thought of the courage that I had to pluck up to tell Genesis that I love you for a long time!" And as I previously narrated that dismal confession, he turned me down, broke my heart, and I returned to the hostel with my tail in between my legs. So why was I contemplating round two of 'Gotta Tell You' in adulthood?
Genesis is a beautiful specimen of a man. His genetics would be great for my next offspring. He's good-looking, tall, and athletic. He's also a confident and sweet guy, accompanied by great likeability. Yes, if he were the last man on earth, I would save humanity with him. Genesis isn't the last guy I ever shot my shot at, though. So, remember QJ, my wonderful friend, who's supportive? Well, I also told him in a not-so-subtle way that I liked him. And he gently turned me down because,, according to him, I was too emotionally fragile. We are still friends, though hurt, I respect his honesty.
Yes, if he were the last man on earth, I would save humanity with him.
Turning back to 13-year-old me, I had a crush on this boy. I wrote him a letter that was sealed and covered with glitter glue. Alas, he liked me too, but we were different races, religions as well, so it was a bit complicated. Plus, his family moved. Darn it! Fast forward to two years ago. There are only two 'famous' Zimbabwean men whom I have as #MCM. The one with whom I missed my shot happens to be an actor who lives across the pond. I tagged him on my Instagram story while watching a movie that he starred in. He slid in my DMs. Oh my chwest. Hearts popped out of my eyes. But I failed to rise to the occasion of flirting with this eligible bachelor. Instead, I fanned out...for the why? Je ne sais pas!
I could list all the males whom I crushed on and professed my 'like' to. Some were wins; others took a huge "L." The beauty of this conversation is the liberation from pent-up feelings. When we are not in our heads, saying 'I like you' is fun and flirty. The idea is to have very low expectations of reciprocation. And oftentimes, the person that we are crushing on actually digs us as well. But we can get carried away with the whole don't chase a man theory. To top that, insecurities I will be the first to admit that with Genesis, I shrink back. I turn into that shy, insecure teenager who would imagine studying in France with her crush. Oh yes, Genesis and I were the 'good students' in our French class. Imagine him, me, the Eiffel Tower, "Voulez vous couchez avec moi, c'est soir?"I remember getting giddy with Summer Dream. In my head, I'm like, "Snap out of it; you are a grown woman. Why are you behaving juvenilely around this man? Just tell him that you feel his Aquarian energy and would like to dive into it. What's the worst that could happen that hasn't happened?
Right! Why do we get so wrapped up in our insecurities that we don't take a chance? How many times have we applied for something only to receive that "We regret to inform you" message? With le garçon de caramel, I didn't think much of it. I had a crush on this early twentysomething who reciprocated the flirtation. It was only for a moment, but it felt so good. When it fizzled out, I was over it. Some successful shots landed me dates. Through the process of knowing my crush(es), I would then realise that nothing would come to fruition. Look, I am very particular about my 'vagenda'. I can be flirty and laidback; however, I'm neither a dunce nor desperate. Still, it's fun to just roll off your tongue, 'I like you', and he says, "Thank God, I was scared of you rejecting me. You're out of my league." This is followed up by the 'askation' of the first date. Hell yeah!
Any regrets! Nah! In hindsight, when we tell our crushes that we like them, the only thing to lose is probably the ego, which doesn't really matter. We are too mature for passive-aggressive sublimation. Just say it: "I like you", "You are fine,", or "I won't tell" Ã la Fat Joe featuring J Holiday (and the throwback beat plays in the background)
What's the worst that could happen if I ignored Jiminy Cricket and DM Genesis? Let's leave it there.
As Samantha Mumba sang, "Don't wanna love you if you don't love me, Don't wanna need you if you won't need me too. I've got tell you this now, or it wouldn't be right.."
I'm not suggesting we become vulnerable with losers. Let's let our hair down, puff out those afros, put lipstick on, and say, "Hey, cutie", to that person who makes you feel alive...even for a while.
Crushes actually fizzle out because in all honesty they rarely amount to anything serious. Have fun...
And breathe because that doesn't hurt.
Until the next single ladies session...
Get your hair did, eyebrows on fleek, and click those heels.
Colour blind is ignorance when all you see is red... ...learn your colours! Oi, you lovely lot! Whaddup, 'ow's it goin'? I’m gettin’ there, innit? Just takin’ me time, you know how it is. A while ago, I scrolled down my timeline, and I came across an interesting thread on X. Actually the responses were wild, but it had me thinking, I would love my readers to share their own experiences. The question was as follows; What was the craziest thing that you've done to investigate a man? Fam, the responses in this thread are worthy of scripts. Don't play with a woman who wants the truth. She has better investigative skills than any intelligence agency. This led me - actually inspired me to share my own personal experiences. My life is so ironical. I like keeping my relationships on the low because my ego can't handle the humiliation if things don't work out. However, drama seems to ensue whenever I decide to allow a male into my space. Of late, I realised that I ...
Be an active participant in getting the relationship that you need and deserve! Bonjour, mes amies! Comment allez-vous? Gather around queens, this is a conversation for us. Can someone please bring me a glass of red wine? I really need this drink. In actual fact, bring the whole bottle. With a show of hands, who's been having challenges in the dating space? I mean just to get a date with a decent human being. I stand accused of crawling back into my crustacean shell and not putting myself out there. I dread the outside. Actually, ever since the robbery incident, I get anxiety just leaving the house. I'm anxious leaving my house, and anxious being in a place where I'm not sure how I'm going home. But I know that I'm not going to make any progress if I'm stuck at home. So please nudge me to go outside. Following constant reflection, I realised that I made a lot of poor choices in relationship avenue. As I evolve into an accountable adult, I have realised that I r...
“I know that you’ve been hurt, by someone else I can tell by the way, you carry yourself But if you let me, here’s what I’ll do I’ll take care of you.”-Take Care, Drake featuring Rihanna So in the episode 9 of season 3 of ‘ 2 Broke Girls ’ Max tries to get into pastry school after Caroline finds out that she had interest in being a pastry chef through a brochure found under Max’s mattress. Max is assigned to make a tart as a form of ‘interview’ and the head chef, Nicolas approves of the tart however Max receives a letter of regret saying that she didn’t get into the pastry school. Max decides to confront the chef who tells her that it was her attitude that he had a problem with and not her tart. According to Chef Nicolas, “You seemed like you didn’t want it,” and then Max replies, “I act like I don’t want it because I have never gotten what I wanted!” There, right there is where I related to Max, the part of life (and people) rejecting you to the point that you become indifferent ...
Should I do cartwheels on a plank for someone who hasn't crossed the ocean for me? We all know that sacrifice comes from commitment. When there is commitment, sacrifice is inevitable. At one point or another, we have had to sacrifice for something. The decision didn’t come easy but due to the commitment to a vision or promise, you made your sacrifice. And it was worth it. I was thinking about how the old me went to lengths to be loved. I lived in a 'people pleasing' mode where I became the lamb of sacrifice. There are even people that I gave up my opportunities for because I 'cared'. Years later, I have moved out of that train of thought. Love is a two way street. Not that you will be keeping score, but why should you go out of your way for someone who doesn't flinch at your very existence. We experience people differently and have different relationship dynamics. There are people that you might not communicate with in a very long time, but will come th...
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