It's story time! I know we love going through each page of 'Single Ladies, the Quest for Mr. Put-a-Ring-On-it', and receiving a few pearls of wisdom. As I write every post in this series, the book's theme changes. Remember the time that we wanted so badly to become "Mrs." Now, every article is about healing, self-love, and growth. In addition, mental health is of great value, and it's our prerogative. This isn't just my journey; it's our journey. I love this space because, on this platform, y'all are my girlfriends. We hang out with our glasses of wine to chat. We can refer to pop culture and even real-life examples of our own inspirations for love and life at large.
With a show of hands, who was a pre-teen or teen during the late 1990s and early 2000s? The era where we had several pop groups, velour tracksuits, guys braiding cornrows, and MTV was still cool. Taking inspiration from the title of today's blog, I received inspiration from Samantha Mumba's 'Gotta Tell You'. Anyone remember the pop songstress born to a Zambian father and Scottish mother? I recall the music video for 'Gotta Tell You', where Samantha Mumba wore a pink boob tube and blue denim hipsters. Her hair was braided, and she had what, at the time, we considered pretty cool choreography. On my playlist, 'Gotta Tell You' fell into the 'songs about crushes' category. In that same playlist, I had Jamelia's 'I Do', Atomic Kitten's 'Tide is High', Mandy Moore's 'Be With You', and LeAnn Rimes' 'Can't Fight the Moonlight', to name but a few. Oh yes, the coconut in me was crazy about British pop. I am pleasantly nostalgic about my youth, the simplicity, and my ability to interact without fear. Oh, well!
I have a confession (D'banj voice). I almost slid into Genesis' DM and texted, "Let's just have a baby together!" Erm, then Jiminy Cricket whispered into my ear, "Do you really want to do that?" Well, it's not like I never professed my enamoured position to him. Do you remember eleventh grade (Form 4), when I was dared to confess my crush? I wryly smile at the thought of the courage that I had to pluck up to tell Genesis that I love you for a long time!" And as I previously narrated that dismal confession, he turned me down, broke my heart, and I returned to the hostel with my tail in between my legs. So why was I contemplating round two of 'Gotta Tell You' in adulthood?
Genesis is a beautiful specimen of a man. His genetics would be great for my next offspring. He's good-looking, tall, and athletic. He's also a confident and sweet guy, accompanied by great likeability. Yes, if he were the last man on earth, I would save humanity with him. Genesis isn't the last guy I ever shot my shot at, though. So, remember QJ, my wonderful friend, who's supportive? Well, I also told him in a not-so-subtle way that I liked him. And he gently turned me down because,, according to him, I was too emotionally fragile. We are still friends, though hurt, I respect his honesty.
Yes, if he were the last man on earth, I would save humanity with him.
Turning back to 13-year-old me, I had a crush on this boy. I wrote him a letter that was sealed and covered with glitter glue. Alas, he liked me too, but we were different races, religions as well, so it was a bit complicated. Plus, his family moved. Darn it! Fast forward to two years ago. There are only two 'famous' Zimbabwean men whom I have as #MCM. The one with whom I missed my shot happens to be an actor who lives across the pond. I tagged him on my Instagram story while watching a movie that he starred in. He slid in my DMs. Oh my chwest. Hearts popped out of my eyes. But I failed to rise to the occasion of flirting with this eligible bachelor. Instead, I fanned out...for the why? Je ne sais pas!
I could list all the males whom I crushed on and professed my 'like' to. Some were wins; others took a huge "L." The beauty of this conversation is the liberation from pent-up feelings. When we are not in our heads, saying 'I like you' is fun and flirty. The idea is to have very low expectations of reciprocation. And oftentimes, the person that we are crushing on actually digs us as well. But we can get carried away with the whole don't chase a man theory. To top that, insecurities I will be the first to admit that with Genesis, I shrink back. I turn into that shy, insecure teenager who would imagine studying in France with her crush. Oh yes, Genesis and I were the 'good students' in our French class. Imagine him, me, the Eiffel Tower, "Voulez vous couchez avec moi, c'est soir?"I remember getting giddy with Summer Dream. In my head, I'm like, "Snap out of it; you are a grown woman. Why are you behaving juvenilely around this man? Just tell him that you feel his Aquarian energy and would like to dive into it. What's the worst that could happen that hasn't happened?
Right! Why do we get so wrapped up in our insecurities that we don't take a chance? How many times have we applied for something only to receive that "We regret to inform you" message? With le garçon de caramel, I didn't think much of it. I had a crush on this early twentysomething who reciprocated the flirtation. It was only for a moment, but it felt so good. When it fizzled out, I was over it. Some successful shots landed me dates. Through the process of knowing my crush(es), I would then realise that nothing would come to fruition. Look, I am very particular about my 'vagenda'. I can be flirty and laidback; however, I'm neither a dunce nor desperate. Still, it's fun to just roll off your tongue, 'I like you', and he says, "Thank God, I was scared of you rejecting me. You're out of my league." This is followed up by the 'askation' of the first date. Hell yeah!
Any regrets! Nah! In hindsight, when we tell our crushes that we like them, the only thing to lose is probably the ego, which doesn't really matter. We are too mature for passive-aggressive sublimation. Just say it: "I like you", "You are fine,", or "I won't tell" Ã la Fat Joe featuring J Holiday (and the throwback beat plays in the background)
What's the worst that could happen if I ignored Jiminy Cricket and DM Genesis? Let's leave it there.
As Samantha Mumba sang, "Don't wanna love you if you don't love me, Don't wanna need you if you won't need me too. I've got tell you this now, or it wouldn't be right.."
I'm not suggesting we become vulnerable with losers. Let's let our hair down, puff out those afros, put lipstick on, and say, "Hey, cutie", to that person who makes you feel alive...even for a while.
Crushes actually fizzle out because in all honesty they rarely amount to anything serious. Have fun...
And breathe because that doesn't hurt.
Until the next single ladies session...
Get your hair did, eyebrows on fleek, and click those heels.
Talk thirty to me! Never ask a lady her age, they say. At a particular age, many refuse to share how old they really are. This year, so many people that I know turned 30. Even famous individuals such as Chris Brown and Misred joined the dirty thirty gang. From my thirty something self, I welcome you all. Your thirties are a whole different stage of life compared to your twenties and forthcoming forties. Though a tricky age to be, your 30s are a defining decade. They are a reflection of the rest of your life based on the map that you draw. Being thirty or plus something comes with an evolution to your being. You discover that you are no longer the same person you were at seventeen or twenty five. This means that entering into this decade you have a new point of view! Don't cry about turning older! These are the five reasons why your 30s are way much better than your 20s. 1. You know what you want How many of us couldn't wait to sing, "I've got the keys, ...
Taking care of oneself shouldn't be a hash tag or social media trend. Self care is a key component of self love which is an actual journey. Self care isn't achieved overnight but with time and patience, one can reach the point of bliss. We all need peace of mind, good health and productivity. Yet most of us find very little time for 'self.' We are either coerced into guilt by equating 'self-care' to selfishness, or that it's counterproductive. In an article by Hannah Ritchie and Max Roser on the global mental health, it was estimated that 970 million people worldwide had a mental or substance use disorder in 2017. Of that population, 3.4% suffered from depression while 3.8% had anxiety disorders. 107 million people were reported to have alcohol use disorders. We are living in a stressed world and few know the right coping mechanisms. We are mostly triggered by the economy, politics, work, finances and relationships. Apart from mental health disorde...
Never despise chasing a chicken on top of rooftops! Oh my, I felt like a fortune cookie right there. I'm never the one to jump onto trends. I proudly stand as the few who aren't phased by FOMO. However for the 2020 adaptation of Mulan, I had to be on point with my movie watching. Between watching the trailer and a few expectations, I wasn't sure about my reaction. I'm a staunch Disney classics fan. I am one of those ladies who grew up on the Disney princess trope. I love Belle, Jasmine and Tiana, although Tiana was a frog ¾ of the film. The strong willed female with a free spirit is my spirit animal. Belle read books, Jasmine wanted to see the world and Tiana was a businesswoman. Hmm, sounds like someone we know. Wink! Disney decided to offer CGI, live action versions of all the animations that most of us millennials grew up on. To be honest, I hate most their reimagined versions especially 'The Lion King'. It was so bad, I didn't watch it twice. I really ...
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I told you that this week is awesome! I love Africa! I love the people even more! I love our diversity in skin tones. I love our various languages that include clicks, coughs and long syllables. Our traditions may differ but they are somewhat intertwined. Africa isn't just the cradle of mankind. It is the stew pot of talent, intelligence and creativity. I procrastinated for a long time about writing about my African inspirations. With this challenge I have the opportunity to take action. My top 5 list includes creatives from various genres of media, arts and entertainment. As a creative myself, I incline naturally towards those who are like myself. It is true that, 'birds of the same feather, flock together,' and away do I fly with the eagles. Without further due, below are the 5 Africans who inspire me. 1. Bonang Matheba Did you know that Bonang Matheba and I were born a week and a half apart in 1987? Now you know! I live vicariously through queen B! She is my ...
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