Single Ladies: Again!

Sparks flew like fireworks on the 4th of July but it obviously fizzled. 

Fireworks though magical can never replace fire which is an eternal need...

Wave to all my single ladies! How have you been mes chere? I apologise for taking such a long hiatus from bearing my experiences and journey with you but I resume my story. I won't bore you with the in-betweens but like old girlfriends, I'll share an epiphany. 

We all have at different parts of our lives experienced a different type of crush. Either it was on that celebrity whose poster you had up your wall. Or that guy you shared the same class with. Maybe your annoying neighbour little Eddie, who now isn't so little and is far from getting under your skin. Oh yes, that very cute lecturer whose mind boggles you or that hot co-worker who makes it so hard to concentrate when they step into the office. We have all been there or are there. No shame about it.

The big question is what to do with that crush? When we were teens we scribbled our diaries and sought for the perfect couple name like J-Rod. Or maybe write your crush a poem that they would never get to read. While most of our crushes remained just that, adulthood offers a different experience. As women we have the opportunity to actually boldly tell our crushes that we like them. If that feels a bit too forward then there are subtle ways to get the message across. Often our adult crushes tend to reciprocate the same sentiments. But at times, adult crushes can to be as confusing and conflicting as adolescent ones.

Well, le garçon de caramel proved that while you might be alone in that department, it’s worth it. Le garçon de caramel (caramel boy) caught my eye a while ago. To be honest the first time that I met him, I thought nothing of him. Just another boy! Yes a 'boy', besides the fact that he is younger, his being doesn't spell out, 'man' or 'mature'. University graduate - tick, good job - tick, good looking - maybe, well groomed - metrosexual, eloquent - knows his 'ABC', saved - bumped into him at church, once! 

But when you decide to go younger, your expectations aren't as high. In fact, I found myself sounding like a centennial making sure that I don't lose the plot and start speaking 'A Different World' or 'Living Single'. He has frequented my place of work. I remember inviting myself into a conversation about colourism that he was discussing with his friends. We then shared a similar sentiment about Twitter. Twitter is still the best social media platform ever! No, such conversations didn't tickle my fancy or make me think, "Ooh, I like him." 

I recall the day of the fireworks, it was post my birthday weekend. While I was still exhausted from travelling, a revelation about my age seemed to be the matchstick for the firework. He stared at me, stated that he likes older women and boom. There was a moment. And yes, it became a crush. The perfectly trimmed goatee on his chin didn't help anything. ( I have never shyed away from the fact that I'm attracted to men with goatees). For just that moment I felt like a teenager again. I secretly blushed and got all giddy. 

For the weeks to come, I really liked le garçon de caramel. he slightly became attractive. Maybe, just maybe, we could hit it off. But his youthful tendencies shot like an arrow and burst that bubble. Oh, gosh how annoying. This one day he proudly shared his weekend conquests - between splurging money that he didn't earn to rolling in the hay with random females. Reality hit and I was like there goes Jamaica! (Remember 'How Stella Got Her Groove Back') That was a literal anticlimax and made reading this book boring.

Lessons learnt though, it's okay to have a crush at any age. For that split millisecond, I felt alive, with blood pulsating inside me. I breathed and glowed as if I found restoration. No, caramel boy, wasn't the 'One', or Mr. Right Now! I believe that the feeling of having someone look into your eyes and remind you of something pleasing is exciting. Not all crushes have to become relationships. You actually don't even need to act upon them either. You don’t need to tell your crush that you like them, or try to get their attention. You don’t even need physical contact such as a touch, hug or kiss.

I believe that crushes are there to teach you to live. They remind us of our own humanity. While we put electric fences and bar the doors to our hearts from heartache, crushes jailbreak so that we can see what's on the outside. There’s more to dating, relationships and love than our ideals penned down on a list. Crushes allow us to learn the art of flirting.

Crushes are actually fun in adulthood as long as you don't over think it.

So how does one handle a crush as an adult? Just go with the flow...

P.S. : Always write your own love story. 

Lady E 

Ciao