I'm just a mum who doesn't always get it right, but I'm trying.
The most insulting thing that you can ever call a woman is a 'bad mother'. Pamela Anderson was once quoted saying, "You can call me names like b*tch, but don't you ever call me a bad mother!" I don't know what the hell is good motherhood. What I'm constantly told is that I'm a 'bad mother' and it's usually from the women close to me. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?
In between working from home and the whole #quarantineandchill, I managed to watch 'Bad Moms'. I know, the movie is kind of old, but I watched the sequel prior. I absolutely enjoyed the comparison of mothering skills between two generations around the holidays. Kiki's mum was a fruitcake, Carla's mum a fun, irresponsible drunk, and Amy's mum a critical perfectionist. You see what I just did, as a woman I criticised another (fictional) woman's mothering skills. Point proven.
A 2016 movie, 'Bad Moms' is a comedy which centers around motherhood in the 21st century. The movie has an all-star female cast that includes Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Kathryn Hahn, Christina Applegate, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Annie Mumolo. The protagonist is Amy Mitchell (Mila Kunis), who is a working mum. She is married to a mortgage broker, Mike, who spends most of his time in his sweats, and she works part time for a hip coffee company. She has two children, a spoilt son, Dylan, and a socially awkward, anxious daughter, Janey. Amy opens the movie, narrating her daily experiences. She's under the scrutiny of 'mean girl', Gwendolyn James (Applegate) who is an upper middle class 'super mum'. She and her minions Stacy (Pinkett-Smith) and Vicky (Mumolo) criticise every parent who comes through to the school.
Things take a turn when one night, Amy catches her husband committing adultery online. He's been masturbating with the same woman online for the past ten months. Amy's husband justifies his act as not cheating, but Amy kicks him out. She then has to learn to adjust to the new situation. And she's having a hard time. She's late for the PTA meeting in which she makes a speech about how's she's tired of expectations and leaves. She goes to the bar where she meets Carla Dunklar and Kiki. Carla is a carefree, sexually fluid single mother of one. Kiki is an insecure, slightly weird, married mother of four with a controlling husband, Kent. The trio forge an unlikely friendship that includes a lot of drinking and mayhem. After a drinking binge, they enter a grocery store where they get up to all sorts of mischief.
Amy puts little effort the next morning when she's hungover, and doesn't make breakfast for her kids. She then attends the school's bake sale where she brings store made baked goods. She meets the school's 'hot dad', Jessie Harkness (Jay Hernandez) whom she briefly flirts with. Later, she takes Janey, on a spa date at Carla's workplace. During the mummy-and-me time, Amy shares that she and 'daddy' are separated and might get divorced. Her daughter freaks out, stating that she doesn't want to be weird. Amy calls Carla for help to get laid. During the preparation for the girls night out, a hilarious conversation around sex, men and mum bras goes on. The trio step out. Amy is a complete disaster as she brings on her mummy vibe which is a total turnoff for her potential dates. She then bumps into Jesse whom she ends up making out with.
Gwendolyn is hell bent on making the defiant Amy suffer. She tells the soccer coach to bench Janey. Amy confronts the coach who reveals that that Gwendolyn put him up to it. This pushes Amy to throw her hat in the ring for the position of PTA president. She starts with a party which initially is dethroned by Gwendolyn's party which includes Martha Stewart as a special guest. One of the mums shares that Amy's party is better and all the ladies leave Gwen's party early for Amy's. Imagine, even Martha Stewart attends the lit, mums-gone-wild party. The mums let loose, and Gwendolyn feels threatened after Amy gains the support of the other mums. That night, she plants marijuana cigarettes in Janey's locker.
The following morning, Amy experiences the worst day. First she is fired from her part-time job. Then she receives a call from the school principal. He bans Jane from the soccer team after finding marijuana cigarettes in her locker. A frustrated Janey calls her mother selfish and would rather stay with her father. Janey, Dylan and even their dog Roscoe leave Amy alone. In her empty house Amy falls into a brief depression. It's the school PTA day, and Gwendolyn is the only candidate available. Kiki and Carla head over to Amys to pick her up. Carla talks Amy out of her pity party by giving a speech about mothers not giving up. The trio drive to the PTA elections which they are already late for. On their way, Kiki stands up to her bully husband, and tells him to take care of the kids.
When they arrive at the school, Amy gives a speech about motherhood. She shares the challenges as well as the unrealistic expectations of motherhood. She states that if the mums are perfect then they should vote for Gwendolyn. However, if they can relate to her, they must vote for her. The rest of the mothers started to share their own bad mum stories. This leads to Amy's victory over Gwendolyn. Amy shares her victory with her two new friends. She then notices that Gwendolyn is crying in her car. Amy goes over to console Gwendolyn who then reveals that her life isn't as picture perfect as she portrays it to be.
The movie comes to a close when Amy's life comes together. Janey is placed back on the soccer team. Dylan starts taking responsibility including doing his homework. She gets back her job, and the 'hot dad', Jesse asks her on a date. Kiki is more confident with Kent being involved with the kids. Carla starts to be in touch with her maternal side, making lunch for her son Jackson, and telling him that she loves him. Gwendolyn takes the ladies on a ride...on a private plane. Fans get to hear stories from the actresses' mothers. We meet Elvira Kunis, Karen Hahn, Lorelei Bell, Nancy Priddy, Adriene Banfield, and Alice Mumolo. From lying to their daughters, to giving them whisky, the baby boomer/Gen X mothers prove that IRL, in any generation, motherhood is hard. But their daughters turned out right. End scene.
Script my life, I am Amy Mitchell, without the douchebag husband. I relate to Amy's to her challenges of trying to balance work and kids. I get that lack of fulfilment with work and life in general. And yes, I too am frustrated by the constant criticism of my parenting skills. Being a mother in the 21st century is challenging to say the least. We have mental health issues, cyber bullying, technology and unscrupulous government policies that aren't generational. While highlighting the challenges of modern day motherhood, the movie takes a look at what happens when mothers let loose. Yes, girls just wanna have fun no matter what.
Offered a choice of being a stay-at-home mum, I would take it. The idea of being domesticated sounds attractive. I can even continue blogging from my sewing room, or maybe patio. But until that day, I am learning my way around this creature called being a mum. Like Amy said, we as women, need to stop judging each other. I don't have the handbook to motherhood, and no, maternal instincts aren't innate. I am willing to learn and learning comes with making a lot of mistakes. In making those mistakes, I hope that my child doesn't end up in hospital, jail or worse still, a morgue.
I would love to have a Carla in my life, like she's so much fun. The three women found true friendship in the oddest place. Having watched 'Bad Moms Christmas', I realised that Amy, Carla and Kiki mirrored their own mothers. Amy's anxiety for perfectionism comes from her perfectionist mum. Carla's mum drinks, gambles and lives a nomadic unstable life. Kiki's mother is overbearing hence Kiki's weirdness, and insecure behaviour. However, each woman somewhat, some way tries to break the cycle. We actually parent the way that we were raised. Sometimes, we also try to break the unhealthy parenting cycles that we were conditioned to. I am trying to avoid being critical with my daughter. I encourage her talents, tell her that she's beautiful, and that I love her. I play games with her, allow her to speak her mind, as well as share household chores. If that makes me a bad mum, so be it.
...because I'm always told that I am a bad mother. I am a bad mother because I won't take up nursing to get a visa to leave this terrible country. I am a bad mother because I don't buy new clothes and shoes for my daughter every weekend, or month. I am bad mother because I am not a soccer mum. I am a bad mother because my daughter isn't attending a private school. I am a bad mother because we don't have ice cream in the fridge and snacks in the cupboards. I am a bad mother because I don't do what Pokello Nare does for her kids. I am a bad mother for being a single mother. I am a bad mother because it's easy to call me a bad mother, and I won't fight back.
And these are words from other women, not men, women! What I pray for myself during this journey, is to find positive females who are compassionate. I need an older, motherly figure to guide me through the many challenges and milestones. I need positive female friends who are mothers, whom I can exchange ideas with and not feel judged, constantly. I need a Carla who will sneak my daughter and I into her workplace for a free spa day.
I vaguely remember my mother's parenting style. I just remember that she was the most beautiful woman that I knew, who loved red lipstick, wore Chanel No. 5 and dressed amazing. She was my Pinterest board before it ever existed. She was a homemaker who loved to sew and dance. Her best friend says that she was generous and soft spoken. She also says that my mother loved being a mum and was lucky that my dad was hands on. My dad made motherhood for my mum bearable. God, I need a Jesse Harkness. I loved what he says to Amy about letting someone else take care of her for a change. Sounds selfish, but mothers need that. We give so much of ourselves, we sacrifice so much, just so that we are judged less harshly. Financially, we aim to reach that University graduation part so that our children's future is secure and perhaps they might return the favour.
I don't have it all figured out!
I thank Amy Mitchell for making it okay to be a bad mom. I will commend Gwendolyn on being a great actress in not looking like what she's going through. Plus she's great at PowerPoint presentations, maybe she could try TedTalks. Amy was the bigger person because she wasn't calling anyone out, or judging their mothering skills. She even went to check in on Gwendolyn, who hit her where it hurts. It's amazing what can happen when one mother chooses to be sympathetic. Imagine if another woman came in and helped instead of criticising. We could become that village that our children need to be raised by. Imagine if another woman came in and said, I know that you are trying, but things haven't been working out in your favour. Here's some money for rent, or school fees...Here are some groceries to get you through the month...here's a job....I will take you out for drinks to take your mind of things", something like that. How about, "Here's my shoulder, you can lean on me."
Oh well, happy endings are only for fiction. In real life, you just pray that you can take in another criticism, challenge and even day.
Still we can do better as mothers.
Taking each day as it comes, learning the lessons from every 'L', and accepting that on some days , you just want to stay in bed...
....and that's okay!
...Until the next flick....
Stay true to your narrative!
P.S. : Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
The most insulting thing that you can ever call a woman is a 'bad mother'. Pamela Anderson was once quoted saying, "You can call me names like b*tch, but don't you ever call me a bad mother!" I don't know what the hell is good motherhood. What I'm constantly told is that I'm a 'bad mother' and it's usually from the women close to me. Isn't it ironic, don't you think?
In between working from home and the whole #quarantineandchill, I managed to watch 'Bad Moms'. I know, the movie is kind of old, but I watched the sequel prior. I absolutely enjoyed the comparison of mothering skills between two generations around the holidays. Kiki's mum was a fruitcake, Carla's mum a fun, irresponsible drunk, and Amy's mum a critical perfectionist. You see what I just did, as a woman I criticised another (fictional) woman's mothering skills. Point proven.
A 2016 movie, 'Bad Moms' is a comedy which centers around motherhood in the 21st century. The movie has an all-star female cast that includes Mila Kunis, Kristen Bell, Kathryn Hahn, Christina Applegate, Jada Pinkett-Smith, and Annie Mumolo. The protagonist is Amy Mitchell (Mila Kunis), who is a working mum. She is married to a mortgage broker, Mike, who spends most of his time in his sweats, and she works part time for a hip coffee company. She has two children, a spoilt son, Dylan, and a socially awkward, anxious daughter, Janey. Amy opens the movie, narrating her daily experiences. She's under the scrutiny of 'mean girl', Gwendolyn James (Applegate) who is an upper middle class 'super mum'. She and her minions Stacy (Pinkett-Smith) and Vicky (Mumolo) criticise every parent who comes through to the school.
Things take a turn when one night, Amy catches her husband committing adultery online. He's been masturbating with the same woman online for the past ten months. Amy's husband justifies his act as not cheating, but Amy kicks him out. She then has to learn to adjust to the new situation. And she's having a hard time. She's late for the PTA meeting in which she makes a speech about how's she's tired of expectations and leaves. She goes to the bar where she meets Carla Dunklar and Kiki. Carla is a carefree, sexually fluid single mother of one. Kiki is an insecure, slightly weird, married mother of four with a controlling husband, Kent. The trio forge an unlikely friendship that includes a lot of drinking and mayhem. After a drinking binge, they enter a grocery store where they get up to all sorts of mischief.
Amy puts little effort the next morning when she's hungover, and doesn't make breakfast for her kids. She then attends the school's bake sale where she brings store made baked goods. She meets the school's 'hot dad', Jessie Harkness (Jay Hernandez) whom she briefly flirts with. Later, she takes Janey, on a spa date at Carla's workplace. During the mummy-and-me time, Amy shares that she and 'daddy' are separated and might get divorced. Her daughter freaks out, stating that she doesn't want to be weird. Amy calls Carla for help to get laid. During the preparation for the girls night out, a hilarious conversation around sex, men and mum bras goes on. The trio step out. Amy is a complete disaster as she brings on her mummy vibe which is a total turnoff for her potential dates. She then bumps into Jesse whom she ends up making out with.
Gwendolyn is hell bent on making the defiant Amy suffer. She tells the soccer coach to bench Janey. Amy confronts the coach who reveals that that Gwendolyn put him up to it. This pushes Amy to throw her hat in the ring for the position of PTA president. She starts with a party which initially is dethroned by Gwendolyn's party which includes Martha Stewart as a special guest. One of the mums shares that Amy's party is better and all the ladies leave Gwen's party early for Amy's. Imagine, even Martha Stewart attends the lit, mums-gone-wild party. The mums let loose, and Gwendolyn feels threatened after Amy gains the support of the other mums. That night, she plants marijuana cigarettes in Janey's locker.
The following morning, Amy experiences the worst day. First she is fired from her part-time job. Then she receives a call from the school principal. He bans Jane from the soccer team after finding marijuana cigarettes in her locker. A frustrated Janey calls her mother selfish and would rather stay with her father. Janey, Dylan and even their dog Roscoe leave Amy alone. In her empty house Amy falls into a brief depression. It's the school PTA day, and Gwendolyn is the only candidate available. Kiki and Carla head over to Amys to pick her up. Carla talks Amy out of her pity party by giving a speech about mothers not giving up. The trio drive to the PTA elections which they are already late for. On their way, Kiki stands up to her bully husband, and tells him to take care of the kids.
When they arrive at the school, Amy gives a speech about motherhood. She shares the challenges as well as the unrealistic expectations of motherhood. She states that if the mums are perfect then they should vote for Gwendolyn. However, if they can relate to her, they must vote for her. The rest of the mothers started to share their own bad mum stories. This leads to Amy's victory over Gwendolyn. Amy shares her victory with her two new friends. She then notices that Gwendolyn is crying in her car. Amy goes over to console Gwendolyn who then reveals that her life isn't as picture perfect as she portrays it to be.
The movie comes to a close when Amy's life comes together. Janey is placed back on the soccer team. Dylan starts taking responsibility including doing his homework. She gets back her job, and the 'hot dad', Jesse asks her on a date. Kiki is more confident with Kent being involved with the kids. Carla starts to be in touch with her maternal side, making lunch for her son Jackson, and telling him that she loves him. Gwendolyn takes the ladies on a ride...on a private plane. Fans get to hear stories from the actresses' mothers. We meet Elvira Kunis, Karen Hahn, Lorelei Bell, Nancy Priddy, Adriene Banfield, and Alice Mumolo. From lying to their daughters, to giving them whisky, the baby boomer/Gen X mothers prove that IRL, in any generation, motherhood is hard. But their daughters turned out right. End scene.
Script my life, I am Amy Mitchell, without the douchebag husband. I relate to Amy's to her challenges of trying to balance work and kids. I get that lack of fulfilment with work and life in general. And yes, I too am frustrated by the constant criticism of my parenting skills. Being a mother in the 21st century is challenging to say the least. We have mental health issues, cyber bullying, technology and unscrupulous government policies that aren't generational. While highlighting the challenges of modern day motherhood, the movie takes a look at what happens when mothers let loose. Yes, girls just wanna have fun no matter what.
Offered a choice of being a stay-at-home mum, I would take it. The idea of being domesticated sounds attractive. I can even continue blogging from my sewing room, or maybe patio. But until that day, I am learning my way around this creature called being a mum. Like Amy said, we as women, need to stop judging each other. I don't have the handbook to motherhood, and no, maternal instincts aren't innate. I am willing to learn and learning comes with making a lot of mistakes. In making those mistakes, I hope that my child doesn't end up in hospital, jail or worse still, a morgue.
I would love to have a Carla in my life, like she's so much fun. The three women found true friendship in the oddest place. Having watched 'Bad Moms Christmas', I realised that Amy, Carla and Kiki mirrored their own mothers. Amy's anxiety for perfectionism comes from her perfectionist mum. Carla's mum drinks, gambles and lives a nomadic unstable life. Kiki's mother is overbearing hence Kiki's weirdness, and insecure behaviour. However, each woman somewhat, some way tries to break the cycle. We actually parent the way that we were raised. Sometimes, we also try to break the unhealthy parenting cycles that we were conditioned to. I am trying to avoid being critical with my daughter. I encourage her talents, tell her that she's beautiful, and that I love her. I play games with her, allow her to speak her mind, as well as share household chores. If that makes me a bad mum, so be it.
...because I'm always told that I am a bad mother. I am a bad mother because I won't take up nursing to get a visa to leave this terrible country. I am a bad mother because I don't buy new clothes and shoes for my daughter every weekend, or month. I am bad mother because I am not a soccer mum. I am a bad mother because my daughter isn't attending a private school. I am a bad mother because we don't have ice cream in the fridge and snacks in the cupboards. I am a bad mother because I don't do what Pokello Nare does for her kids. I am a bad mother for being a single mother. I am a bad mother because it's easy to call me a bad mother, and I won't fight back.
And these are words from other women, not men, women! What I pray for myself during this journey, is to find positive females who are compassionate. I need an older, motherly figure to guide me through the many challenges and milestones. I need positive female friends who are mothers, whom I can exchange ideas with and not feel judged, constantly. I need a Carla who will sneak my daughter and I into her workplace for a free spa day.
I vaguely remember my mother's parenting style. I just remember that she was the most beautiful woman that I knew, who loved red lipstick, wore Chanel No. 5 and dressed amazing. She was my Pinterest board before it ever existed. She was a homemaker who loved to sew and dance. Her best friend says that she was generous and soft spoken. She also says that my mother loved being a mum and was lucky that my dad was hands on. My dad made motherhood for my mum bearable. God, I need a Jesse Harkness. I loved what he says to Amy about letting someone else take care of her for a change. Sounds selfish, but mothers need that. We give so much of ourselves, we sacrifice so much, just so that we are judged less harshly. Financially, we aim to reach that University graduation part so that our children's future is secure and perhaps they might return the favour.
I don't have it all figured out!
I thank Amy Mitchell for making it okay to be a bad mom. I will commend Gwendolyn on being a great actress in not looking like what she's going through. Plus she's great at PowerPoint presentations, maybe she could try TedTalks. Amy was the bigger person because she wasn't calling anyone out, or judging their mothering skills. She even went to check in on Gwendolyn, who hit her where it hurts. It's amazing what can happen when one mother chooses to be sympathetic. Imagine if another woman came in and helped instead of criticising. We could become that village that our children need to be raised by. Imagine if another woman came in and said, I know that you are trying, but things haven't been working out in your favour. Here's some money for rent, or school fees...Here are some groceries to get you through the month...here's a job....I will take you out for drinks to take your mind of things", something like that. How about, "Here's my shoulder, you can lean on me."
Oh well, happy endings are only for fiction. In real life, you just pray that you can take in another criticism, challenge and even day.
Still we can do better as mothers.
Taking each day as it comes, learning the lessons from every 'L', and accepting that on some days , you just want to stay in bed...
....and that's okay!
...Until the next flick....
Stay true to your narrative!
P.S. : Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
- Lady E
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