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The Case of Round Two

Kea lumela hore ke rata lintho!

A black woman regretting being in bed with a black man



And most of the time it's bad for my process of becoming. So I'm trying to be subtle, but...
 
I met a ghost from my past. Not an unpleasant one at all. just someone I didn't necessarily expect. Seeing and being around him reminded me of the vulnerability that I'm afraid of experiencing. I met Michael again.


Yep. And I realised that two years later I sort of like him....a lot. Yet, he remains complicated. But on the other hand, he's still a good kisser. (And Usher's "Good Kisser" drums start playing in the background). Bonjour mes amies! Comment allez vous? Bring your glasses; let's gather around and chat. I'm having a nice, not wine-related drink that I'm going to regret in the morning because of a hangover. I don't know why I'm this person, though. 

Michael, Michael, Michael. U tsoa kae? O romilwe ke mang? Coming to mess up my chakras again! I know that being comfortable in his calm presence is just for two minutes because uzobe eyisipoko, and next time you will see him on a wedding Instagram media page with the love story to his wedding. To another woman! Why did I entertain him, you ask? I believe that I've got my defences up, Alcatraz fences, and the emotional condom wrapped tightly, so I'm Teflon. So I think!

When he came through at an event, he looked familiar, but I had amnesia. He then showed familiarity towards me, to which I asked, "Where do I know you from?" He gave hints as if we were playing 30-seconds, and I remembered. He then showed me that he still has my number.  Me thinks, manje? In the words of Shania Twain, "that don't impress me much." Having my number and not using it doesn't make any sense, or mean anything to me. Like was he expecting me to give him a Merit badge or Purple Heart for keeping my full name and phone number? I on the other hand, honestly spring-cleaned his number out of my contacts when I wrote about him the first time. And got amnesia! Kuyakhombisa ukuthi bengingenandaba naye after that. Oh so I thought.

So petite moi, asked him why he ghosted me? He stated that he didn't ghost me. Erm. And there was back and forth. I won't lie; I kept looking at Michael pensive and thinking, "Hmm, he's actually much handsome than I remember." Not the frog that I remember kissing, yet he wasn't my prince, although he's charming. In an attempt to redeem himself, I told him that he was my ride home. And I entertained him. And he was attentive in the way that I like. You would think that I have evolved. Pray for me. (Makes a crucifix sign.)

Shem! I let my guard down. Let him deafen me with sweet nothings from his honey laced tongue. And those words dripped sweetly. The forehead kiss was the icing on the cake because it seemed warm and sincere. Again, why am I this person? He did drop me off at home, and I saved his phone number. Pourquoi? (Shaking my head) I texted him. Someone please, just pull me back. Hobaneng ke sa ithute?

And we are back here... AGAIN!

Unlike the last time, I don't believe that I have caught feelings. What we need to unlearn is the notion that "this time might be different." A lot can happen over a period of time. We believe that people change, or situations are different. Every once in a while, we meet that person who makes you wonder, "What if?" Like that one person you have this undescribable connection with. Michael wasn't particularly special to me the first time that he and I met. Remember, he wasn't physically or interactively 'my type'. But I guess that I liked the comfort of feeling somewhat safe. Like his arms feel like 'home', I kid you not! (Becomes coy and hides face) He and I exchanged intelligent conversations. And he's attentive. That made him a more interesting person. He has manners and is a 'gentleman' per se. So I don't want to vilify him. Instead, I'm trying to be accountable about allowing the likes of him to steer me off my path. "No" is a fantastic word in the English language. Yet I use it less than when it's necessary.

This time around I'm listening to my board of directors. Libandla yami lithi, hlukhana lo Michael. Lady E, we've been here before friend. Don't let the nerdy and gentleman persona fool you. F**ckboys come in different packages. Is Michael a f**ckboy? Unfortunately, he's got more red than the Confederate flag, yet it's not as obvious. He's a cute nerd who is unassuming, and that's the reason why I caught unnecessary feelings the first time. Again, I'm not here to vilify him. This is introspection before jumping into a lake of poor choices. Grown women don't make mistakes, we make choices," Amanda Seales. Discern and let's choose wisely.

Grown women don't make mistakes, we make choices. 

- Amanda Seales.


So ladies, the lesson here is that while we like the Michaels of the world, ask yourself: What's the offer? Are there intentions with you, and what sort? Is this a cruise ship, friendship, relationship, or situationship? Botsa seo o se batlang ho nna? If you intend to be with a king, stop entertaining court jesters. Over here, we love Kings. Led by them. Serve them. Revere them with loyalty. But we need discernment. 

If you intend to be with a king, stop entertaining court jesters.

 
So in the case of round two, I stand accused and guilty of not learning from the first experience. A frog is a frog no matter how many times you kiss it. "When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time." Maya Angelou 

When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time. 
- Maya Angelou

Boloka nama le moya wa hao...

...cheers to learning, unlearning and BECOMING!

Remember ladies, swing those hips, strut those legs, eyebrows to perfection, face beat by the gods, and be confident.

A prochaine fois!


P.S.: Always write your own love story!


Ciao!


Lady E
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