Dirty Laundry Diaries: Getting Back Into the Groove

Being sexually liberated and being in the moment comes from going outside your head.

How does one live in the moment when they are plagued with an ounce of insecurity? There are things that challenge our confidence in things we hope to be masters of. One of these areas happens to be ‘sex’. The discussion about sexual prowess is a very difficult and uncomfortable topic for most. Like who reviews their performance post coitus? Should the sheepish grin or orgasmic face on your partner’s face be the gauge?

In an age where, especially women, are being encouraged to own their sexuality, there is still that gap in ‘satisfaction’. While in Africa the emphasis still remains on pleasing a man, the more modern woman chooses to enjoy her own pleasure. We are owning our sexuality from sex toys to whom we choose to have sex with. However liberated sexuality is considered to some extent, not feminine, at times foreign and mostly immoral.

But when it comes to sexual pleasure we actually need to move away from female socialization (especially in the African context) and social norms. In 2018, I as a woman need to enjoy every single moment of sex. If I choose to indulge and engage in the act, I must never feel ashamed about enjoying my body and what happens to it.

So what happens when you lack some confidence in between the sheets? It’s not that you are bad, but you understand that it could be better. It often seems that men enjoy sex more because it’s centered in the head down below. It’s about being in the moment, getting the job done and coming! In discussions with my female counterparts, sex seems to be more like a chore. Some complain about lack of satisfaction and there’s that concern of ‘ndinonaka here?’ (Am I good?)

For those who might have been out of the game, it’s actually nerve wrecking. Part of you wants to play the experienced game and prove that you still got it. But when it’s time to play, you discover that you wear out quicker than a tyre. It can be very frustrating. So how do you get your groove back?

We all have heard the term ‘loosen up’? That’s actually the secret to enjoying ‘sex’. Forget the grocery shopping list, or that dentist’s appointment and seize the moment. Move out of your thoughts and your head and allow your body to take over. Yes, the whole thing is carnal, but overthinking won’t reverse what will be happening at that moment. You have already chosen to show your vulnerability with the next person, so why not go all the way.

Communicating your shortcomings also helps. Okay, so you can’t do ‘69’ like a porn star, but it’s something you can work on. The idea is to not put yourself under pressure to perform but instead, choose to explore. Find out what you like, how you like it and how to do it better. If your partner is willing to meet you halfway and lower their expectations, you can come to a place where you both enjoy your experience.

How do you get your groove back?

Just relax...

P.S. : Always write your own love story.

Lady E

Ciao!

Comments

Script My Life: Love By the 10th Date

Finding love shouldn’t be a duty but it should be a journey that you enjoy the ride while you get to it... I don’t remember when was the last time I related to a number of female characters in one movie. I finally watched Lifetime movie ‘Love By the 10th Date’. The trailer to the movie, written and directed by Nzingha Stewart, enticed me for a good chick flick...about women of colour. The all star cast includes the gorgeous Kelly Rowland, Meagan Good, Keri Hilson and Kellee Smith. We also see Cat Deely, Joshua T Jackson, Andra Fuller and UnReal’s Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman. The story line follows a group of young, successful black friends who work for a high end, digital magazine Nina. The protagonist is Gabrielle Fateful a.k.a Gabby played by Meagan Good. Gabby is a graphic designer at Nina whose love life is an actual struggle. The scene that kickstarts the plot of the movie is when Gabby goes out for dinner with friends and workmates, Margot (Kelly Rowland), Bi...

Script My Life: Marry Me

If you want something different, you have to do something different! Woo, Jennifer Lopez really grated the cheese on this rom-com but I love it! Yes, this Valentines day, J Lo reminds us of all our fantasies of what really love should be. Jenny has always been a girl who loves love. So art somewhat imitates life. Following her reunion with former fiancé, Ben Affleck, we are definitely seeing Jenny from the Block 2.0. Who knew that getting back together with 'the one that got away' two decades later would revive romantically in J lo? We all know that Jennifer loves to be booed up. She's been married three times, engaged five or six (I've lost count). I believe relationship experts would consider her a love addict. But that's none of our business! Just in time for Valentines day, a romantic comedy simply titled, "Marry Me". The stars Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, Maluma, John Bradley, Sarah Silverman, and Chloe Coleman. The movie opens with the title trac...

Script My Life: Mulan

Never despise chasing a chicken on top of rooftops! Oh my, I felt like a fortune cookie right there. I'm never the one to jump onto trends. I proudly stand as the few who aren't phased by FOMO. However for the 2020 adaptation of Mulan, I had to be on point with my movie watching. Between watching the trailer and a few expectations, I wasn't sure about my reaction. I'm a staunch Disney classics fan. I am one of those ladies who grew up on the Disney princess trope. I love Belle, Jasmine and Tiana, although Tiana was a frog ¾ of the film. The strong willed female with a free spirit is my spirit animal. Belle read books, Jasmine wanted to see the world and Tiana was a businesswoman. Hmm, sounds like someone we know. Wink! Disney decided to offer CGI, live action versions of all the animations that most of us millennials grew up on. To be honest, I hate most their reimagined versions especially 'The Lion King'. It was so bad, I didn't watch it twice. I really ...

I’m Not My Hair Part 2

'Don't touch my hair When it's the feelings I wear Don't touch my soul When it's the rhythm I know Don't touch my crown They say the vision I've found Don't touch what's there When it's the feelings I wear'- Don’t touch my hair, Solange Knowles For the first time in my life I feel free… Three years ago I wrote about ‘good hair’ à la Chris Rock’s documentary and India Arie’s song ‘ I’m not My Hair’ stating that I was amongst the many women of colour who would go to lengths to disguise their Afrocentric hair due to societal perceptions and to an extent mental oppression. In 2016, nobody, not even myself would have imagined that I would be caught spotting Bantu knots or writing a whole article on ‘ Natural Hair 101 ’ so as to educate, as well as encourage the natural hair movement. Yes, I am now a natural hair sister, wearing my hair in its natural form, kinks and all. Initially, it was forced upon me by the universe ...

Winter ABC Day 23: 10 Things that You Didn’t Know About Zimbabwe

Zimbabwe is a beautiful mess! Forget about Victoria Falls, the country in itself is a wonder. Through all the trials and tribulations, you can still find a people who are loyal to the nation. There is so much to see and experience in Zimbabwe that travel brochures won't show you. I have jotted 10 unknown things about Zimbabwe. Places 1. Mutorashanga Yes we are a landlocked country but guess what, we have great water bodies. Mutorashanga is that place for great afternoon with friends. Carry your swimwear and enjoy the serene natural pools at this place. 2. The Kariba Islands It took the filming of a television show for me to really experience Kariba. Most people speak of the common place on the man-made lake. But did you know that there are sightful islands by Lake Kariba? My favourite was Rhino island. If you are the adventurous type who doesn't mind having elephants and rhinos visit your campsite, then you will love this place. There's even a beach, just be car...

MPV.....my point of view!

Search This Blog