Dirty Laundry Diaries: Getting Back Into the Groove

Being sexually liberated and being in the moment comes from going outside your head.

How does one live in the moment when they are plagued with an ounce of insecurity? There are things that challenge our confidence in things we hope to be masters of. One of these areas happens to be ‘sex’. The discussion about sexual prowess is a very difficult and uncomfortable topic for most. Like who reviews their performance post coitus? Should the sheepish grin or orgasmic face on your partner’s face be the gauge?

In an age where, especially women, are being encouraged to own their sexuality, there is still that gap in ‘satisfaction’. While in Africa the emphasis still remains on pleasing a man, the more modern woman chooses to enjoy her own pleasure. We are owning our sexuality from sex toys to whom we choose to have sex with. However liberated sexuality is considered to some extent, not feminine, at times foreign and mostly immoral.

But when it comes to sexual pleasure we actually need to move away from female socialization (especially in the African context) and social norms. In 2018, I as a woman need to enjoy every single moment of sex. If I choose to indulge and engage in the act, I must never feel ashamed about enjoying my body and what happens to it.

So what happens when you lack some confidence in between the sheets? It’s not that you are bad, but you understand that it could be better. It often seems that men enjoy sex more because it’s centered in the head down below. It’s about being in the moment, getting the job done and coming! In discussions with my female counterparts, sex seems to be more like a chore. Some complain about lack of satisfaction and there’s that concern of ‘ndinonaka here?’ (Am I good?)

For those who might have been out of the game, it’s actually nerve wrecking. Part of you wants to play the experienced game and prove that you still got it. But when it’s time to play, you discover that you wear out quicker than a tyre. It can be very frustrating. So how do you get your groove back?

We all have heard the term ‘loosen up’? That’s actually the secret to enjoying ‘sex’. Forget the grocery shopping list, or that dentist’s appointment and seize the moment. Move out of your thoughts and your head and allow your body to take over. Yes, the whole thing is carnal, but overthinking won’t reverse what will be happening at that moment. You have already chosen to show your vulnerability with the next person, so why not go all the way.

Communicating your shortcomings also helps. Okay, so you can’t do ‘69’ like a porn star, but it’s something you can work on. The idea is to not put yourself under pressure to perform but instead, choose to explore. Find out what you like, how you like it and how to do it better. If your partner is willing to meet you halfway and lower their expectations, you can come to a place where you both enjoy your experience.

How do you get your groove back?

Just relax...

P.S. : Always write your own love story.

Lady E

Ciao!

Comments

We Aren't that Couple!

We are perfectly imperfect! Bonjour mes armies, comment ça va? Je vais trés bien merci! Bring your glasses of your favourite poison and let's chat. We are drawing close to that time of the year. I wouldn't let us leave this profound year without a few lessons. It's story time. It's taken time—actually, years—for he and I to come to this place. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye, yet we find ourselves here. It's actually insane! But time does help with self-discovery. For me, the healing process has put things into perspective. I'm not yet there, but I'm becoming her, and he's willing to see me through it. What I love about he and I is simply the fact that we aren't that couple. You know those who have to constantly update their Gram or WhatsApp status to validate the strength of their union? Before you come for me, it's "cute," and yes, you and your person should declare your affection for each other. I'm just from the sch...

But Why Wait?

When you find what you are looking for, why wait? She finally made it! Congratulations to the now Mrs Jennifer Affleck. Jenny from the block is officially Mrs. Jennifer Lynn Affleck. It's official, Jennifer Lopez and Ben Affleck are married. According to news reports, the couple tied the knot on Saturday, during an "intimate ceremony in Las Vegas." This actually comes as a surprise because nothing is ever small, or intimate with J lo. For as long as we have known the Bronx native, she goes all out. We expected that her wedding would be as extravagant as her 'Marry Me' character. Clearly she didn't want to jinx her second chance. The Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez a.k.a Bennifer's love story began 20 years ago. The couple initially met in December 2001 on the set of the rom-com "Gigli," where they played criminals stuck on a job together. Not long after that they started dating. By November 2002, the two were engaged, but postponed their weddin...

5 Ways Your 30s Are Better Than the 20s

Talk thirty to me! Never ask a lady her age, they say. At a particular age, many refuse to share how old they really are. This year, so many people that I know turned 30. Even famous individuals such as Chris Brown and Misred joined the dirty thirty gang. From my thirty something self, I welcome you all. Your thirties are a whole different stage of life compared to your twenties and forthcoming forties. Though a tricky age to be, your 30s are a defining decade. They are a reflection of the rest of your life based on the map that you draw. Being thirty or plus something comes with an evolution to your being. You discover that you are no longer the same person you were at seventeen or twenty five. This means that entering into this decade you have a new point of view! Don't cry about turning older! These are the five reasons why your 30s are way much better than your 20s. 1. You know what you want How many of us couldn't wait to sing, "I've got the keys, ...

5 Inexpensive Dates in a Bad Economy

If he's making the economy an excuse, swipe left.... A guy who makes too many excuses whilst pursuing you is not worth your time. He will make excuses for not making time for you. More so, for not taking you on a date. A real man makes a plan...all the time! Yes, the economy is atrocious...a complete nightmare! Does that mean that humanity stops? Y'all, we have procreation to continue until the end of time. A season of a recession, shouldn't hinder dates, relationships and the whole nine yards that come with that package. Couples over centuries overcame obstacles such as family feuds, classism, racism, tribalism, religious differences etc. They all found a way around those challenges. Any guy who uses 'in this economy' as an excuse is dropped like a pin. Honestly, such an individual lacks ambition and creativity. I want the flowers, chocolate, and the date. Otherwise...skrrr! You will have to show innovation in your pursuit. If you can't be strategic w...

Book Review: The Kings that Didn’t Need This Queen

Until you resolve your brokeness, you will continue to be broken. I am pretty stoked about sharing this month's read. As a writer, reading various forms of literature enriches the craft. Reading builds culture and reinforces application of lessons learnt. I also read books and blogs by fellow writers to support their work through commenting, and sharing. This is how we grow communities you see. Prior to offering a review of this month's book, I would like to share a brief history of the writer. I met this young woman, Nobuhle Nyoni at a birthday, and album listening party for producer and artist, Verseless. She was friendly and bubbly, we even shared a ride into town as we went home. That wouldn't be the last time that I would be in communication with her. Through the magazine that I am editor for, we made effort to push her event. Though I didn't manage to attend the event, I saw the potential of this young woman. In 2017, under the collective called Veryus ,...

MPV.....my point of view!

Search This Blog