Skip to main content

Dirty Laundry Diaries: Getting Back Into the Groove

Being sexually liberated and being in the moment comes from going outside your head.


How does one live in the moment when they are plagued with an ounce of insecurity? There are things that challenge our confidence in things we hope to be masters of. One of these areas happens to be ‘sex’. The discussion about sexual prowess is a very difficult and uncomfortable topic for most. Like who reviews their performance post coitus? Should the sheepish grin or orgasmic face on your partner’s face be the gauge?

In an age where, especially women, are being encouraged to own their sexuality, there is still that gap in ‘satisfaction’. While in Africa the emphasis still remains on pleasing a man, the more modern woman chooses to enjoy her own pleasure. We are owning our sexuality from sex toys to whom we choose to have sex with. However liberated sexuality is considered to some extent, not feminine, at times foreign and mostly immoral.

But when it comes to sexual pleasure we actually need to move away from female socialization (especially in the African context) and social norms. In 2018, I as a woman need to enjoy every single moment of sex. If I choose to indulge and engage in the act, I must never feel ashamed about enjoying my body and what happens to it.

So what happens when you lack some confidence in between the sheets? It’s not that you are bad, but you understand that it could be better. It often seems that men enjoy sex more because it’s centered in the head down below. It’s about being in the moment, getting the job done and coming! In discussions with my female counterparts, sex seems to be more like a chore. Some complain about lack of satisfaction and there’s that concern of ‘ndinonaka here?’ (Am I good?)

For those who might have been out of the game, it’s actually nerve wrecking. Part of you wants to play the experienced game and prove that you still got it. But when it’s time to play, you discover that you wear out quicker than a tyre. It can be very frustrating. So how do you get your groove back? 

We all have heard the term ‘loosen up’? That’s actually the secret to enjoying ‘sex’. Forget the grocery shopping list, or that dentist’s appointment and seize the moment. Move out of your thoughts and your head and allow your body to take over. Yes, the whole thing is carnal, but overthinking won’t reverse what will be happening at that moment. You have already chosen to show your vulnerability with the next person, so why not go all the way. 

Communicating your shortcomings also helps. Okay, so you can’t do ‘69’ like a porn star, but it’s something you can work on. The idea is to not put yourself under pressure to perform but instead, choose to explore. Find out what you like, how you like it and how to do it better. If your partner is willing to meet you halfway and lower their expectations, you can come to a place where you both enjoy your experience.

How do you get your groove back?

Just relax...

P.S. : Always write your own love story.

Lady E

Ciao!




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Inspired By A Thread

Colour blind is ignorance when all you see is red... ...learn your colours! Oi, you lovely lot! Whaddup, 'ow's it goin'? I’m gettin’ there, innit? Just takin’ me time, you know how it is. A while ago, I scrolled down my timeline, and I came across an interesting thread on X. Actually the responses were wild, but it had me thinking, I would love my readers to share their own experiences. The question was as follows; What was the craziest thing that you've done to investigate a man? Fam, the responses in this thread are worthy of scripts. Don't play with a woman who wants the truth. She has better investigative skills than any intelligence agency. This led me - actually inspired me to share my own personal experiences. My life is so ironical. I like keeping my relationships on the low because my ego can't handle the humiliation if things don't work out. However, drama seems to ensue whenever I decide to allow a male into my space. Of late, I realised that I ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Here Comes the Counterfeits

Post a Comment
Read more

Winter ABC Day 6: Thank You Carrie Bradshaw

Who knew that a TV show would be the reason that I intentionally speak my mind? You can learn nothing from television they say. TV makes you dumb! Oh well, maybe so, however one television show was the match for this wildfire. My older sister pulled her hair out when she found out that my young sister and I were watching Sex and the City. Amongst her collection of video cassettes, she had a box set of the guilty pleasure, Sex and the City. The age guide was no under 21; I was 17 and my younger sibling was way too young. You are telling yourself that these adolescents were mischievous, maybe. I believe we were curious and adventurous. I was obsessed with pop culture with the hopes of one day being Lala Vasquez on TRL or hosting E! News. From my collection of People magazine I had read so much about the cast of Sex and the City. There were mentions of the cast members of the hit show in particular Sarah Jessica Parker. SJP as she's affectionately known, played the lead role of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I'm Ready

Por qué me siento así, mi amor? Lo podemos culpar a Cupido!   Bring on the tissues, and a tub of ice cream, and Amarula cream. Cupid really picked on me and not at the best time. And then 'Stupid Cupid' starts playing. Bonjour single ladies! Forgive me for the dramatic entrance, but I feel like a hopelessly enamoured teenager. Remember  le garçon du chocolat ? Oui. Well, what started off as a crush, has developed into more. Could I be in-love? Umm... But I think that the sparks have fizzled out on his end. Throwing myself on the couch.  Why am I this person, though? Am I setting myself up for possibly another heartbreak after recovering from a not so recent one? Like, le garçon du chocolat lives rent free in my mind, and mostly in my dreams. Am I supposed to feel like this actually? Gosh, I feel so embarrassed with my grown self.   So while, I'm manoeuvring through my emotions, let's talk about starting all over again with a renewed perspective. Gather around ladies,...
Post a Comment
Read more