Skip to main content

Dirty Laundry Diaries: Getting Back Into the Groove

Being sexually liberated and being in the moment comes from going outside your head.


How does one live in the moment when they are plagued with an ounce of insecurity? There are things that challenge our confidence in things we hope to be masters of. One of these areas happens to be ‘sex’. The discussion about sexual prowess is a very difficult and uncomfortable topic for most. Like who reviews their performance post coitus? Should the sheepish grin or orgasmic face on your partner’s face be the gauge?

In an age where, especially women, are being encouraged to own their sexuality, there is still that gap in ‘satisfaction’. While in Africa the emphasis still remains on pleasing a man, the more modern woman chooses to enjoy her own pleasure. We are owning our sexuality from sex toys to whom we choose to have sex with. However liberated sexuality is considered to some extent, not feminine, at times foreign and mostly immoral.

But when it comes to sexual pleasure we actually need to move away from female socialization (especially in the African context) and social norms. In 2018, I as a woman need to enjoy every single moment of sex. If I choose to indulge and engage in the act, I must never feel ashamed about enjoying my body and what happens to it.

So what happens when you lack some confidence in between the sheets? It’s not that you are bad, but you understand that it could be better. It often seems that men enjoy sex more because it’s centered in the head down below. It’s about being in the moment, getting the job done and coming! In discussions with my female counterparts, sex seems to be more like a chore. Some complain about lack of satisfaction and there’s that concern of ‘ndinonaka here?’ (Am I good?)

For those who might have been out of the game, it’s actually nerve wrecking. Part of you wants to play the experienced game and prove that you still got it. But when it’s time to play, you discover that you wear out quicker than a tyre. It can be very frustrating. So how do you get your groove back? 

We all have heard the term ‘loosen up’? That’s actually the secret to enjoying ‘sex’. Forget the grocery shopping list, or that dentist’s appointment and seize the moment. Move out of your thoughts and your head and allow your body to take over. Yes, the whole thing is carnal, but overthinking won’t reverse what will be happening at that moment. You have already chosen to show your vulnerability with the next person, so why not go all the way. 

Communicating your shortcomings also helps. Okay, so you can’t do ‘69’ like a porn star, but it’s something you can work on. The idea is to not put yourself under pressure to perform but instead, choose to explore. Find out what you like, how you like it and how to do it better. If your partner is willing to meet you halfway and lower their expectations, you can come to a place where you both enjoy your experience.

How do you get your groove back?

Just relax...

P.S. : Always write your own love story.

Lady E

Ciao!




Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Baa baa Black Sheep

‘Baa baa black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full One for the master, One for the dame, One for the little boy who lives down the lane.”-Baa baa Black Sheep, Nursery Rhyme Oh how I loved nursery school! Learning was so much fun and colourful as the teachers taught using music, visuals and lots of play and let’s not forget nap time! Gosh! (I stare into a blank space with so much nostalgia). Hmm, question! Is there more to life than trying to constantly fit into other people’s moulds? Are my imperfections so great that those around are blinded to the planks to the planks in their own eyes? Or maybe I am just not appropriately in the right place? At one point or another, we all have faced identity issues, or have suffered from the ‘I don’t fit in’ syndrome. The worst time is the puberty-adolescent period. As an individual, one tries to live up to expectations from parents, teachers, peers and society at large. During that same period, an ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Single Ladies: The Metrosexual

*Riding on a black horse* (I wish).* Beyoncé  wave* 'Hey single ladies!'. For a lady on a quest, the horse would have been ideal,right? Anyway ,how have y'all been? I hope the lessons that we are going through are helping us build character. (Wifen material). Today we have yet another bachelor under our radar. So we have so far, gone through our potential Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It who has been bachelor; the widower, the divorcee, the foreigner, the boy and last but not least, the single dad. Not so bad ladies. Now bachelor number six is,the metrosexual. Now why should we place such a man on our panel,you ask? Well,he is my personal favourite *wink*. The anatomy of a metrosexual. By definition a metrosexual is an urban man with a disposable income who spends a lot on his appearances. In other words, a guy's guy who is in touch with his inner pink. Now why would a metrosexual be a good candidate for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It? He is not. Most metrosexual men, if not gay, or...
Post a Comment
Read more

My Point of View!

If I could afford one,I would have a shrink,but instead I have my point of view! There are days where I will write long blogs,others,I will keep it short and sweet,but at the end of the day,it is my therapy.But I also do intend to make an impact with this MPV. That's just me! P.S: Always write your own love story. Ciao! Lady E
Post a Comment
Read more

Script My Life: Love By the 10th Date

Finding love shouldn’t be a duty but it should be a journey that you enjoy the ride while you get to it... I don’t remember when was the last time I related to a number of female characters in one movie. I finally watched Lifetime movie ‘Love By the 10th Date’.  The trailer to the movie, written and directed by Nzingha Stewart, enticed me for a good chick flick...about women of colour. The all star cast includes the gorgeous Kelly Rowland, Meagan Good, Keri Hilson and Kellee Smith. We also see Cat Deely, Joshua T Jackson, Andra Fuller and UnReal’s Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman. The story line follows a group of young, successful black friends who work for a high end, digital magazine Nina. The protagonist is Gabrielle Fateful a.k.a Gabby played by Meagan Good. Gabby is a graphic designer at Nina whose love life is an actual struggle. The scene that kickstarts the plot of the movie is when Gabby goes out for dinner with friends and workmates, Margot (Kelly Rowland), Bi...
Post a Comment
Read more

Dirty Laundry Diaries: The Journey

My Beloved Mr. X   Dear Mr. X  You told me about this journey, a journey you embarked on, hoped that it would go on. You got into your car and you drove and she was on the passenger side; you headed for your destination. But the car broke down, the tyre went flat, and you both couldn't agree. You told her to wait, whilst you fixed the car, but she went on the other side of the road to catch another ride. Someone should have said, slow down, you will crash, and you will drive off the hill. Slow, you will burn; you will hit the wall.  Slow down, because you were an accident waiting to happen, or maybe a car going nowhere. Slow down; think about it before you take this journey. I was waiting on the highway, hoping to hitch a ride. Then you stopped your car, you smiled at me and your eyes seemed so kind. You opened the door and said let’s go, so I jumped right in and sat on the passenger’s side. It felt so right for you and me to be on this journey, actually, I though...
Post a Comment
Read more