Skip to main content

The Case of the Ghost

If you decide to ghost, then stay dead!



I'm riled up and thinking WTF? Who the hell does he think he is? Trying to walk out of the tomb like the Messiah! Degage!

But I also realised that I wasn't over it. IT! The hurt and humiliation of being ghosted. The humiliation of being relegated to side chick. And the pain of going through loss alone. Who the hell does he think he is ... in my life?

After many years, I bumped into him at a recent event. Actually, he called out my name and followed me. I don't know why he thought that he and I were Gucci. For two years, that guy was a poltergeist.He didn't reach out to me to explain his behaviour. He didn't send me a birthday message. No communication. Obviously, out of sight, out of mind.And then he has the nerve to call out my full government name.

Honestly, I was inebriated and had no time for his nonsense. But he started saying that he and I needed to talk. He thought that I was his girl. He missed me. I'm literally rolling my eyes as I write this. I just said to him, "Where were you all this time?" No response. Then he had the audacity to try to kiss me. Did he think that he was going to get lucky and have a hanky-panky revision avec moi?

He went ghost; he better stay dead.

Actually, he is dead to me! Despite same social and work circles and having a mutual friend.

He ghosted me. C'est tout!

According to the urban dictionary, ghosting is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication, with friends or someone who you were dating. In our digital age, the ghoster blocks the "ghostee" from being able to communicate with them across all platforms. This is then extended to real life, where they disappear.

The ghoster does this in hopes that the ghosted will just "get the hint" and leave them alone. This is often indicative of the ghost's inability to communicate and deal with conflict. In short, they are immature. In dating, the ghost opts to neglect communicating their true feelings when they are no longer interested.

Ghosts are selfish and immature individuals who fail to comprehend the side effects. This act can create self-doubt in the ghosted. They are left wondering about their worth, and what they did wrong. This act can also unravel childhood or adolescent wounds. These include abandonment and emotional neglect.

Why did this particular ghost get me livid? It reflected my failure to make good choices. To give time and attention to someone who was worth it. Someone who respected me, and the effort that I put into the relationship. It triggered my heartache from Mr. X. The heartache of rejection, being strung along and unmet expectations. It triggered my lack of self-worth - that I will never be worthy of a committed and loving relationship. 

He hurt me. 

And I realised that I need to get that page of my life of my chest. I need to open up and begin the healing process. 

As for ghosts, stop thinking that you are being slick by leaving an unclosed door. It is a terrible assumption that because there's no closure, you can regain access. Grow up and take accountability for your bull sh*t.

For some reason I feel sad, sigh.

How does one cast out ghosts? 

Shine light, pray and overcome your fears.

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Lady E 

Ciao!

Comments

Popular Posts

Pendulum...Time to Stop Swinging!

At that very moment you actually receive that closure that it's finally over... You lay there, with a sigh of  relief because it was good whilst it lasted, but you are glad that it's over. There are certain things that you begin to intuitively feel and understand as you grow older or wiser. You move out of naivety or ideologies of the perfect relationship. You get to a place of realising that some relationships have good parts but don't last. And there are other bad relationships where the only thing that holds you together, is what's in between the sheets. During a conversation with a friend, I asked him for his opinion about a relationship. His view of my 'situation' was that I was like a pendulum. It was a constant back and forth with this guy which in psychology is considered 'toxic'. My friend gave me advice athat I need to respect myself enough to demand stability from a relationship. The guy who comes into my life must anchor himself and...

Dirty Laundry Diaries: Getting Back Into the Groove

Being sexually liberated and being in the moment comes from going outside your head. How does one live in the moment when they are plagued with an ounce of insecurity? There are things that challenge our confidence in things we hope to be masters of. One of these areas happens to be ‘sex’. The discussion about sexual prowess is a very difficult and uncomfortable topic for most. Like who reviews their performance post coitus? Should the sheepish grin or orgasmic face on your partner’s face be the gauge? In an age where, especially women, are being encouraged to own their sexuality, there is still that gap in ‘satisfaction’. While in Africa the emphasis still remains on pleasing a man, the more modern woman chooses to enjoy her own pleasure. We are owning our sexuality from sex toys to whom we choose to have sex with. However liberated sexuality is considered to some extent, not feminine, at times foreign and mostly immoral. But when it comes to sexual pleasure we act...

Like A Love Song

The best ever written love song isn't perfect but it works! 'I,I love you like a love song baby,I,I love you like a love song,babe.....',young Selena Gomez singing,and vocalising what we would all take love as...a LOVE song. The love song. Women can only dream about being loved the way Gerald Levert put it,'made to love you', or have 'this love' a la Donell Jones. And I'm not talking about the exaggerated 'catching of grenades','crossing oceans',drinking of lovers' bath waters.But a love that leaves one gasping for air as they try to breathe in,a love that gives one warm fuzzy feelings inside.A love that also stands the test of time,and conquers all. But is the impression we are given by love songs similar to real relationships?Would a man not want to be 'mad' like Ne-yo, or beg you to 'stay' like Tyrese? Some may agree,whilst others would be at the other end of the pole. In the mean time men might find Beyonc...

The Hook-Up

Rating-For the Grown&Sexy Even intelligent people have their 'blonde' moments. I think that individuals should look up certain words and terminologies before they decide to embark, or indulge in certain activities. (Even urban lingo has a dictionary). 'You burn, you learn.I learnt that the hard way'. This is the class.The word for today is 'hook up'. What is a hook up? According to the Urban dictionary, definition 1.To receive a good favour or service.; 2.To make out with someone; 3.To have sex with someone.(Hmm). Ever seen a fish hook? Ever gone fishing or watched people fish? There is a little worm that is placed at the end of the hook that is used to attract the fish. Bait! Now, to all y'all who do, or agree to 'hook ups', have you ever questioned the 'agenda' of the so-called 'fairy godmothers' or 'friends' who are hooking you up? I am not talking about definition 1., where you get VIP access to a function,...

Script My life: Brown Sugar

"Girl.He's a lil brownsugar!",a friend of mine said.Hey girl,you know me,I have got a sweet tooth.Brown sugar.Raw,sweet,gorgeously brown.I love brown sugar.Talking about brown sugar,today's MPV is about "brown sugar". I always say that life is not a movie,but truth be told,if there is one movie that is close to reality,to be specific,my life, is my favourite movie "Brown Sugar".Y'all must have watched this epic black movie about two friends who fell in love with hip-hop and each other.With a great cast including Sanaa Lathan,as Sydney Shaw,the gorgeous Taye Diggs as Andre 'Dre' Ellis,Mos Def(whose music I was listening to this morning),the talented female MC,Queen Latifah,caramel adonis Boris Kodjoe and the beautiful Nicole Ari Parker,(who is defined in the movie as ''brown sugar''). According to the movie,brown sugar means,"You know we all lookin for wifen material.A woman that's fine,smart,classy but not a sno...