Skip to main content

The Case of the Ghost

If you decide to ghost, then stay dead!



I'm riled up and thinking WTF? Who the hell does he think he is? Trying to walk out of the tomb like the Messiah! Degage!

But I also realised that I wasn't over it. IT! The hurt and humiliation of being ghosted. The humiliation of being relegated to side chick. And the pain of going through loss alone. Who the hell does he think he is ... in my life?

After many years, I bumped into him at a recent event. Actually, he called out my name and followed me. I don't know why he thought that he and I were Gucci. For two years, that guy was a poltergeist.He didn't reach out to me to explain his behaviour. He didn't send me a birthday message. No communication. Obviously, out of sight, out of mind.And then he has the nerve to call out my full government name.

Honestly, I was inebriated and had no time for his nonsense. But he started saying that he and I needed to talk. He thought that I was his girl. He missed me. I'm literally rolling my eyes as I write this. I just said to him, "Where were you all this time?" No response. Then he had the audacity to try to kiss me. Did he think that he was going to get lucky and have a hanky-panky revision avec moi?

He went ghost; he better stay dead.

Actually, he is dead to me! Despite same social and work circles and having a mutual friend.

He ghosted me. C'est tout!

According to the urban dictionary, ghosting is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication, with friends or someone who you were dating. In our digital age, the ghoster blocks the "ghostee" from being able to communicate with them across all platforms. This is then extended to real life, where they disappear.

The ghoster does this in hopes that the ghosted will just "get the hint" and leave them alone. This is often indicative of the ghost's inability to communicate and deal with conflict. In short, they are immature. In dating, the ghost opts to neglect communicating their true feelings when they are no longer interested.

Ghosts are selfish and immature individuals who fail to comprehend the side effects. This act can create self-doubt in the ghosted. They are left wondering about their worth, and what they did wrong. This act can also unravel childhood or adolescent wounds. These include abandonment and emotional neglect.

Why did this particular ghost get me livid? It reflected my failure to make good choices. To give time and attention to someone who was worth it. Someone who respected me, and the effort that I put into the relationship. It triggered my heartache from Mr. X. The heartache of rejection, being strung along and unmet expectations. It triggered my lack of self-worth - that I will never be worthy of a committed and loving relationship. 

He hurt me. 

And I realised that I need to get that page of my life of my chest. I need to open up and begin the healing process. 

As for ghosts, stop thinking that you are being slick by leaving an unclosed door. It is a terrible assumption that because there's no closure, you can regain access. Grow up and take accountability for your bull sh*t.

For some reason I feel sad, sigh.

How does one cast out ghosts? 

Shine light, pray and overcome your fears.

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Lady E 

Ciao!

Comments

Popular Posts

Script My Life: Love By the 10th Date

Finding love shouldn’t be a duty but it should be a journey that you enjoy the ride while you get to it... I don’t remember when was the last time I related to a number of female characters in one movie. I finally watched Lifetime movie ‘Love By the 10th Date’.  The trailer to the movie, written and directed by Nzingha Stewart, enticed me for a good chick flick...about women of colour. The all star cast includes the gorgeous Kelly Rowland, Meagan Good, Keri Hilson and Kellee Smith. We also see Cat Deely, Joshua T Jackson, Andra Fuller and UnReal’s Jeffrey Bowyer-Chapman. The story line follows a group of young, successful black friends who work for a high end, digital magazine Nina. The protagonist is Gabrielle Fateful a.k.a Gabby played by Meagan Good. Gabby is a graphic designer at Nina whose love life is an actual struggle. The scene that kickstarts the plot of the movie is when Gabby goes out for dinner with friends and workmates, Margot (Kelly Rowland), Bi...

Script My Life: Marry Me

If you want something different, you have to do something different! Woo, Jennifer Lopez really grated the cheese on this rom-com but I love it! Yes, this Valentines day, J Lo reminds us of all our fantasies of what really love should be. Jenny has always been a girl who loves love. So art somewhat imitates life. Following her reunion with former fiancé, Ben Affleck, we are definitely seeing Jenny from the Block 2.0. Who knew that getting back together with 'the one that got away' two decades later would revive romantically in J lo? We all know that Jennifer loves to be booed up. She's been married three times, engaged five or six (I've lost count). I believe relationship experts would consider her a love addict. But that's none of our business! Just in time for Valentines day, a romantic comedy simply titled, "Marry Me". The stars Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, Maluma, John Bradley, Sarah Silverman, and Chloe Coleman. The movie opens with the title trac...

Script My Life: Mulan

Never despise chasing a chicken on top of rooftops! Oh my, I felt like a fortune cookie right there. I'm never the one to jump onto trends. I proudly stand as the few who aren't phased by FOMO. However for the 2020 adaptation of Mulan, I had to be on point with my movie watching. Between watching the trailer and a few expectations, I wasn't sure about my reaction. I'm a staunch Disney classics fan. I am one of those ladies who grew up on the  Disney princess  trope. I love Belle, Jasmine and Tiana, although Tiana was a frog ¾ of the film. The strong willed female with a free spirit is my spirit animal. Belle read books, Jasmine wanted to see the world and Tiana was a businesswoman. Hmm, sounds like someone we know. Wink! Disney decided to offer CGI, live action versions of all the animations that most of us millennials grew up on. To be honest, I hate most their reimagined versions especially 'The Lion King'. It was so bad, I didn't watch it twice. I really ...

I’m Not My Hair Part 2

'Don't touch my hair When it's the feelings I wear Don't touch my soul When it's the rhythm I know Don't touch my crown They say the vision I've found Don't touch what's there When it's the feelings I wear'- Don’t touch my hair, Solange Knowles For the first time in my life I feel free… Three years ago I wrote about ‘good hair’ à la Chris Rock’s  documentary and India Arie’s song ‘ I’m not My Hair’  stating that I was amongst the many women of colour who would go to lengths to disguise their Afrocentric hair due to societal perceptions and to an extent mental oppression. In 2016, nobody, not even myself would have imagined that I would be caught spotting Bantu knots or writing a whole article on  ‘ Natural Hair 101 ’ so as to educate, as well as encourage the natural hair movement.  Yes, I am now a natural hair sister, wearing my hair in its natural form, kinks and all. Initially, it was forced upon me by the universe ...

Solo

Be the person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with. Porque eres el único cuerpo con el que estás atrapado para siempre ! With that said, it's good to have our feet back on solid ground. I can't wait for the  next trip ! Now ladies, we are dressing up for not just one, but several dates. Through our journey to  becoming , we are all about self-introspection and self-love. We are going on a solo date where we assess if we enjoy our own company, embrace our flaws, and seek to be better versions of ourselves.  Single ladies, bring your A-game with the wardrobe, face, body and most importantly, personality because we are putting our best foot forward. Put on your favourite outfit because we're going on a couple of dates with ourselves! Gentlemen, y'all invited to observe. A nous allez!  Date #1: Restaurant  I'm wearing a midi, nude pink, chiffon dress. I'm pairing the outfit with gold jewellery, and rose gold heels. I made a reservation at my favourite ...