The Case of the Ghost

If you decide to ghost, then stay dead!

I'm riled up and thinking WTF? Who the hell does he think he is? Trying to walk out of the tomb like the Messiah! Degage!

But I also realised that I wasn't over it. IT! The hurt and humiliation of being ghosted. The humiliation of being relegated to side chick. And the pain of going through loss alone. Who the hell does he think he is ... in my life?

After many years, I bumped into him at a recent event. Actually, he called out my name and followed me. I don't know why he thought that he and I were Gucci. For two years, that guy was a poltergeist.He didn't reach out to me to explain his behaviour. He didn't send me a birthday message. No communication. Obviously, out of sight, out of mind.And then he has the nerve to call out my full government name.

Honestly, I was inebriated and had no time for his nonsense. But he started saying that he and I needed to talk. He thought that I was his girl. He missed me. I'm literally rolling my eyes as I write this. I just said to him, "Where were you all this time?" No response. Then he had the audacity to try to kiss me. Did he think that he was going to get lucky and have a hanky-panky revision avec moi?

He went ghost; he better stay dead.

Actually, he is dead to me! Despite same social and work circles and having a mutual friend.

He ghosted me. C'est tout!

According to the urban dictionary, ghosting is the act of suddenly ceasing all communication, with friends or someone who you were dating. In our digital age, the ghoster blocks the "ghostee" from being able to communicate with them across all platforms. This is then extended to real life, where they disappear.

The ghoster does this in hopes that the ghosted will just "get the hint" and leave them alone. This is often indicative of the ghost's inability to communicate and deal with conflict. In short, they are immature. In dating, the ghost opts to neglect communicating their true feelings when they are no longer interested.

Ghosts are selfish and immature individuals who fail to comprehend the side effects. This act can create self-doubt in the ghosted. They are left wondering about their worth, and what they did wrong. This act can also unravel childhood or adolescent wounds. These include abandonment and emotional neglect.

Why did this particular ghost get me livid? It reflected my failure to make good choices. To give time and attention to someone who was worth it. Someone who respected me, and the effort that I put into the relationship. It triggered my heartache from Mr. X. The heartache of rejection, being strung along and unmet expectations. It triggered my lack of self-worth - that I will never be worthy of a committed and loving relationship.

He hurt me.

And I realised that I need to get that page of my life of my chest. I need to open up and begin the healing process.

As for ghosts, stop thinking that you are being slick by leaving an unclosed door. It is a terrible assumption that because there's no closure, you can regain access. Grow up and take accountability for your bull sh*t.

For some reason I feel sad, sigh.

How does one cast out ghosts?

Shine light, pray and overcome your fears.

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Lady E

Ciao!

Comments

Baa baa Black Sheep

‘Baa baa black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full One for the master, One for the dame, One for the little boy who lives down the lane.”-Baa baa Black Sheep, Nursery Rhyme Oh how I loved nursery school! Learning was so much fun and colourful as the teachers taught using music, visuals and lots of play and let’s not forget nap time! Gosh! (I stare into a blank space with so much nostalgia). Hmm, question! Is there more to life than trying to constantly fit into other people’s moulds? Are my imperfections so great that those around are blinded to the planks to the planks in their own eyes? Or maybe I am just not appropriately in the right place? At one point or another, we all have faced identity issues, or have suffered from the ‘I don’t fit in’ syndrome. The worst time is the puberty-adolescent period. As an individual, one tries to live up to expectations from parents, teachers, peers and society at large. During that same period, an ...

The Writings On The Wall

Thou shall move onto the next! And then 'If You Leave' by Destiny's Child and Next starts to play. Gosh, 'The Writings on the Wall' remains my favourite Destiny's Child album, ever. The concept of the '10 commandments' of relationships. Brilliant! Bonjour, mes amies! Comment ça va? Ça va bien! (Caribbean accent) Your gyal , moi , has been experiencing epiphanies. And a few disappointments, but life is too sweet to be upset. Lick your ice cream and have sweet red wine! I travelled through the blogosphere for inspiration for our topic today. Ironically, I also had a discussion with an acquaintance about a similar topic. There's nothing that I love more than people who brag about their intelligence. Oh, my! People pride themselves on their levels of education, often equating it to intelligence. We assess our value based on having degrees, master's degrees, and doctorates. If only those worked in relationships. I think of David Robson's '...

Ask Me, Not Them!

Getting to know someone is an intentional action that requires up-close and personal interaction! Interact tete-a-tete ! Bonjour mes amies! Comment allez-vous? Je suis comme çi, comme ça! So, I've been getting my domestication on. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. Sewing on buttons and seams. God, I love the scent of bleached floor tiles, and an aerosol with a good fragrance. Non-allergic though. Gather around ladies, bring your wine glasses with you. Sidenote, I need to action adding more bin bags and cushions for our conversations. So, I'm not sure what wavelength that I'm currently particularly on, but I've been told that of late that I'm slightly intense in our conversations. C'mon, moi , a whole me (Yvonne Orji voice), intense? Laughs. Don't worry, the fermented grapes will mellow my demeanour. You do know that this becoming journey is serious business. It's a literal self therapy process that includes introspect, lots of unpacking and unlearning. It...

I Was A Mean Girl

It doesn't hurt to be tolerant... ...because 'nice' is for biscuits. Maturity is a very demanding human trait. It requires accountability and humility. You have to be willing to forgo being a winner and accept compromise. But maturity requires a willingness to change, something very few of us are willing to do. It's story time and boy do I have an interesting story for you. I'm not really sure about the exact time, but I can trace back to fourth grade. I was on this group in class with the meanest people. There was this girl called Emily. She was tall, lanky with attitude. Not necessarily the brightest crayon in the box, in terms of academics. Emily made the first two terms of fourth grade unbearable. I often would cry to my father about it. Emily was the definition of a mean girl. My dad once said that she's being mean to me because I'm smarter than her. Might have been true, but that didn't help my social life at school. Com...

Single Ladies: The Metrosexual

*Riding on a black horse* (I wish).* Beyoncé wave* 'Hey single ladies!'. For a lady on a quest, the horse would have been ideal,right? Anyway ,how have y'all been? I hope the lessons that we are going through are helping us build character. (Wifen material). Today we have yet another bachelor under our radar. So we have so far, gone through our potential Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It who has been bachelor; the widower, the divorcee, the foreigner, the boy and last but not least, the single dad. Not so bad ladies. Now bachelor number six is,the metrosexual. Now why should we place such a man on our panel,you ask? Well,he is my personal favourite *wink*. The anatomy of a metrosexual. By definition a metrosexual is an urban man with a disposable income who spends a lot on his appearances. In other words, a guy's guy who is in touch with his inner pink. Now why would a metrosexual be a good candidate for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It? He is not. Most metrosexual men, if not gay, or...

MPV.....my point of view!

Search This Blog