Ask Me, Not Them!

Getting to know someone is an intentional action that requires up-close and personal interaction!

Interact tete-a-tete!

Bonjour mes amies! Comment allez-vous? Je suis comme çi, comme ça! So, I've been getting my domestication on. Cooking. Cleaning. Laundry. Sewing on buttons and seams. God, I love the scent of bleached floor tiles, and an aerosol with a good fragrance. Non-allergic though.

Gather around ladies, bring your wine glasses with you. Sidenote, I need to action adding more bin bags and cushions for our conversations. So, I'm not sure what wavelength that I'm currently particularly on, but I've been told that of late that I'm slightly intense in our conversations. C'mon, moi, a whole me (Yvonne Orji voice), intense? Laughs.

Don't worry, the fermented grapes will mellow my demeanour. You do know that this becoming journey is serious business. It's a literal self therapy process that includes introspect, lots of unpacking and unlearning. It's about forgiveness, healing, self love, and setting boundaries. Remember, you teach people how to treat you. And of course the major step that we want to take into having healthy, reciprocal, and committed relationships requires a certain level of intensity and seriousness. But, y'all know that your girl has a sprite like inner child. 

Remember, you teach people how to treat you.

So, how do you get to know someone that you like? What's your ice breaker to start the getting-to-know each other process? Personally, I enjoy the face to face interaction. It's real. It's intimate. You can assess a person's mood, how they react to your verbatim, and if you are actually vibing, IRL.

Someone recently said to me that they know a lot more about me, than I think. I asked them how? Google? They responded through enquiring from other people. People from my 'inner' circle. I asked por que? Why not find out about me, from me? This led to our topic of discussion, the joys and dangers of enquiry. We will discuss more about this in the context of romantic relationships and as well as generally life.

Why not find out about me, from me?

Personal interactions provide an authentic experience where we can assess compatibility and chemistry firsthand. While digital communication has its merits, it often lacks the depth and nuances that come with in-person conversations. Today we invite the gentlemen to our conversation. Now what's the ugly and beauty of enquiry? Let's dive in.

1. Friends: 

Ah, our trusted confidantes. Friends can provide valuable insights into a person's character. As the saying goes, you are who your friends are. Or, show me your friends, and I will tell you who you are. So what about enquiring about a person's character from their friends? Friends have witnessed your potential love interest in various social situations and can offer their observations. The pros of asking friends can include familiarity with values and preferences, giving you an honest assessment. However, keep in mind that friends may have their biases or may not have the complete picture. At times, not all their 'friends' are friends. There's the misery crew who might say negative things so as to sabotage the potential of your relationship or interests. Remember, misery loves company. Her 'friends' might not approve of you, so they will say things to discourage your interest. And this also works in the reverse. If your friends don't approve of your potential interest, enquiring from them can also dissuade things. It's essential to consider their input alongside your own judgment. 

2. Family Members: 

La familia. God bless our kin. What can we say about family. The assumption is that family knows us best, or so they say. They can provide a unique perspective on a person's character, as they have seen us grow and interact with others throughout our lives. Their insights can be valuable, especially when it comes to long-term compatibility. However, be aware that family members may have their own expectations and biases, so take their opinions with a grain of salt. Sibling rivalry is real, and often the sometimes unspoken tensions or competition can lead to some family members to intentionally sabotage things. In short, keep family drama at arms length, and write your own script!

Keep family drama at arms length, and write your own script!

3. Social Media:

In today's digital age, social media platforms offer a glimpse into a person's life. Scrolling through their profiles can reveal their interests, values, and even their circle of friends. However, it's crucial to remember that social media presents a curated version of someone's life, and it may not fully reflect their true character. As the saying goes, "Being ugly or poor on Instagram is a choice." Use social media, or someone's digital footprint as a supplementary tool rather than the sole basis for judgment. 

Being ugly or poor on Instagram is a choice.

4. Friends of the Opposite Sex: 

Friends of the opposite sex may offer insights into how the person interacts within a romantic context and provide a different perspective from your own gender. However, remember that their opinions are subjective and based on their individual experiences. They might also have interests themselves in the person whom you are enquiring about. They will definitely sabotage you. Use discernment on the intel that you collect from their friends.

5. Colleagues: 

Colleagues can offer insights into a person's professional demeanour, work ethic, and interpersonal skills. This can be particularly helpful if you are considering a long-term relationship with someone you met in a professional setting. However, be cautious as workplace dynamics can differ from personal relationships, and people may behave differently in different environments. As well remember that the workplace is a competitive space. People always step on each other, and will do anything to destroy the next person's career as well as character. Take the information that colleagues share with you with a micro cell.

While seeking information about someone, it's important to distinguish between genuine concerns and character assassination. Gossip and rumours can tarnish someone's reputation unfairly. Always verify information before jumping to conclusions and consider the credibility of the source. 

And the most credible source is obviously the person of interest. "At My Worst" by Pink Sweat$ starts to play in the background. "I need somebody who can love me at my worst, I know that I'm not perfect but I hope that you see my best." I would like you to ask me about me, and not them. I'm the most reliable source about who I am and what I bring to the table. If I plead the fifth during the getting-to-know each other process, you are welcome to assess the data that you have collected from other people. 

Experience me as a person. Make your decisions about a person of interest based on your interaction with them. Communicate. Spend time with them. If you have intentions with them, then establish what type of relationship that you want with them based on what they say, body language, and the alignment of their actions with their words. 

While seeking insights from others can be beneficial, it also comes with potential pitfalls. People’s opinions may be subjective or influenced by personal biases, leading to incomplete or inaccurate portrayals. Additionally, relying solely on others’ opinions can hinder our own judgment and prevent us from forming an authentic connection based on personal experiences. It's important to strike a balance between gathering information and forming our own impressions. 

Ladies and gentlemen, here we are. We can Google search, and ask around but learn to approach the person of interest. By interacting with them you can ascertain whether you'd be compatible or you'd possibly, like to be in their company. No pressure! Just be sure that you formulate your own perception and not that influenced by others as stated above.

Ask me, not them!

The song that's coming to mind is Kehlani's, 'Undercover'. Again, ask me, not them!

 

A prochaine fois....

Ladies, be the most authentic version of yourself. Always!

And let's continue to become.

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E