Good Guy Isn't Always Mr. Right

Mr. Right isn't perfect, but he makes the relationship worth it.

Bonjour mes amies! Comment allez-vous? What's the French phrase for, "I'm decent?" You will let me know as we progress. How have been your dates? I now need deposits into my PayPal account because your girl is pre-rich...and hungry! Laughs hard. But no cap, I am hungry. I'm wishing that someone's Italian mother, aunt or grandma would just invite me for meals - breakfast, lunch, dinner, and gelato, and say to me, "Mangia, mangia!"

So, my single ladies, as we continue to do the inner work, whilst making preparations to meet the King like Esther (from the Bible), let's get into class. We want to unlearn a certain batch of bachelors. Since the inception of this series, we have weighed in the pros and cons of the different suitors-to-be. Let's recap: the widower, divorcee, single dad, younger guy, foreigner, and player. I have shared my experiences with most, if not all, the above mentioned bachelors. It's been a challenging yet insightful journey. Now we add another bachelor to the list - the 'Good Guy' or simply nice guy.

Now, may all the single ladies who are addicted to bad boys, or are recovering from bad boys come to the front of the congregation. I will lead the way. We are not here to judge. There's a reason why we are at the front of the congregation. It's story time.

My sisters have been laughing at me for my last poor choice, and the reason that I had a heartbreak. One sister asked me why was I with, and I quote, "An ugly, chupacabra?", and the other stated, "It's always the ugly ones that break your heart." Now we are not here to insult nobody, but they had a point. Sometimes we need to really assess whom we deem as a 'nice guy'. I always say that nice is for biscuits, and not human beings.

I always say that nice is for biscuits, and not human beings.

I was talking to a 'friend', and he shared his opinions about women and bad boys, or f**ckboys. He remains baffled at women's attraction to such males. Bad boys are the reason for the baby mama pandemic. They are the reason for jaded women. They are the reason for daddy issues. They are the reason for 'Lemonade', Summer Walker's 'Over It', and all of Adele and Taylor Swift's catalogue. Let's not forget how many times we've been Mary J. Blige singing,"I'm not gonna cry." Fam. We've cried the Atlantic ocean because of these sons of Adam.

Bad boys will destroy your soul, but before they do that, they will give you life. If you want spontaneity, adventure, decadent sweet nothings, and euphoria, these sons of Adam are it. I'm not the proverbial good girl, but I do lean more towards traditional ideals of female roles. In short, my life can be mundane. So when a bad boy has come along, I knew that 'fun' begins. Shamefully, I have had my fair share of bad boys and documented some of the experiences on this platform. But bad boys aren't our subject for this class.

Our topic is: The Nice or Good Guy

What is a nice guy? You know, the one who's prim and proper that you want to bring him home to meet your father for his blessing. The one that your brothers will approve and say, "That's a solid dude. Keep him!" The one your girlfriends will be in awe and ask how you have him wrapped around your little finger. The one who love bombs you to death - treating you like a queen. He's nice enough. Will bring the cows to your home. Give you that Instagram worthy wedding for that wedding account. You will probably achieve the picket fence, and five adorable kids. Oh yes, he's nice. He's a good guy!

He's a good guy. All up until he marries someone else behind your back on Valentine's weekend. All up until you discover that he's a trade. All up until he has a secret family, or a long-term mistress whom he's been financially supporting. He's a good guy up until he humiliates you, gaslight, breadcrumbs and even physically abuses you. You are reading the above right. Where are we going with this? There's a notion that the 'good guy' is Mr. Right. Ladies in the congregation, our class, I'm here to debunk this narrative that society, media and even ourselves have been supporting for so long.

I once mentioned how one guy berated me for declining his advances. Don't get me wrong, he's a nice guy. As far as I'm concerned, he's monogamous, desires marriage, works hard, and was raised right. But the thing is, I wasn't attracted to him. I reiterate, there's need for all sciences - physics, chemistry and biology. You shouldn't force the attraction, it has to be as natural as breathing. Now attraction isn't always about a hot body, or pretty face. I have been attracted to men who made me laugh, feel safe emotionally, and even elevate me spiritually without the aesthetic LCD (a.k.a handsome face). So while he may be a good guy if you aren't attracted to him, it is a recipe for disaster, no matter how much you delude yourself. (Chances you will cheat on him, or leave him eventually.)

So, Chupacabra, (laughing hysterically), wasn't pretty, but I was attracted to him. Though slim, physically he worked out, which I found attractive, but it went deeper. I was attracted to him as a person, and perhaps his soul. I have been attracted to certain men because of their minds - intelligence and vision. So, we are not swimming at the shallow end of the pool of attraction. Still, you need to be attracted to the 'good guy'. 

However, good guy doesn't always equate to Mr. Right. Some 'good guys' are worse assholes compared to bad boys. One of the things that irks me about some of the so-called 'good guys', or 'nice guys' is the entitlement. Like the notion that I should have a relationship with him because he's a 'nice' guy. Right. Or the 'you should be grateful that I like or love you because I'm better that all your exes.' Que? Not to mention the judgment as he forgets, "he who hath no sin, let him cast the first stone." Rolls eyes. And the love bombing, mios dios!

So who is Mr. Right? Mr. Right is intentional, puts effort and is committed to a relationship with you. He doesn't say I like you but..., or I'm not ready for a relationship (omitting the 'with you' part). Mr. Right makes effort to spend time with you, no matter how busy his schedule is. Remember, we make time for the people or things that we care about most. He wants to physically see you, smell your scent, touch you, and have conversations with you. It will be a two-way street where you bring out the best in each other. You will effortlessly pour into him as he receives. There is reciprocation. There's a sense of peace and they feel like home. Mr. Right will challenge your bad habits but support your process of change. And you will want to change for the better. He will hold you accountable but not judge you. 

He is a good man - raised right, works hard, and has a vision. You are attracted to Mr. Right in all the sciences. He's not a pushover and you respect him. My father always said, never marry a man whom you don't respect. Even the Bible instructs wives to respect (submit to) their husbands, while the men are instructed to love their wives. With Mr. Right, you won't have to beg him to love you. If he aligns with our mantra - intention, effort and commitment then his love should come easily. Mr. Right isn't perfect, but he makes the relationship worth it.

In short, Mr. Right is aligned with you. Your purpose, his vision, where you are in the here and now, and the life that you want to build together. He won't run away from you through your rough seasons. He won't pressure you into something that you aren’t ready for. But when he's right, you will be ready. His desire is to provide, protect and preach. You are his rib, Sarah to Abraham, Gina to Martin, and Michelle to his Barack. It won't be easy, you will disagree, or even fight, but Mr. Right will offer maturity, assurity, responsibility and stability. 

Mr. Right is a good guy, but good guy isn't always Mr. Right. 

Read that again and discern the difference.

Mr. Right is a good guy, but good guy isn't always Mr. Right. 

Here's to unlearning 'Good Guy Syndrome', but also letting go of the the bad boys. 

May Mr. Right be the answer to your prayers, and be God's best for you. May he be a reflection of God's love for you. May you be pursued, prayed over, properly loved and protected. 

Class dismissed.

A prochaine fois ....

Remember to remove those coloured glasses, align your soul, and let God take control.

And continue to become the person who's right for you. 

P.S.: Always write your own love story. 

Ciao!

Lady E