Be an active participant in getting the relationship that you need and deserve!
Bonjour, mes amies! Comment allez-vous? Gather around queens, this is a conversation for us. Can someone please bring me a glass of red wine? I really need this drink. In actual fact, bring the whole bottle. With a show of hands, who's been having challenges in the dating space? I mean just to get a date with a decent human being.
I stand accused of crawling back into my crustacean shell and not putting myself out there. I dread the outside. Actually, ever since the robbery incident, I get anxiety just leaving the house. I'm anxious leaving my house, and anxious being in a place where I'm not sure how I'm going home. But I know that I'm not going to make any progress if I'm stuck at home. So please nudge me to go outside.
Following constant reflection, I realised that I made a lot of poor choices in relationship avenue. As I evolve into an accountable adult, I have realised that I really entertained a bunch of losers. And yes, it was a reflection that I myself was a loser, avec la majuscule 'L'. Thanks to therapy and self-awareness, it's been a reflection of my anxious-avoidant attachment style. And we are working on it. In my previous post, I shared my failure to rise to the occasion of flirtation. I even mentioned that I couldn't shoot my shot with Genesis for some reason or another.
Well, contrary to popular belief, it's not unladylike to show interest in a (potential) love interest. It all boils down to tact. Dear single ladies, I will share with you something that I really should have paid attention to during literature class. I came across dating and relationship coach Matthew Hussey's video about getting the guy that you like. It made sense.
So, the mistake that we have been making is that we didn't master the art of tact. When we are out in the world, the assumption is that our options are really narrow (and our check lists don't help either). So how do we apply what Matthew Hussey shared in the above video in a modern-day context? Let us travel through time and learn about the art of the past.
During the 1800s, there was an expectation of intentional flirtation. Similar to the expectations of ladylike behaviour in the modern world, during the 1700s and 1800s, women could also not flirt openly or explicitly. Society disapproved of any overt sexual advances. Therefore, women had to use non-verbal communication to show their interest in a particular suitor. This was often done through body language, such as batting eyelashes, giving alluring smiles, or tossing their hair. But the point of discussion is the handkerchief.
Every lady had one, so flirting women used this ubiquitous accessory to show interest in a man. By the end of the 1800s, it was an accepted custom for any woman to signal her intentions with a handkerchief. And like a hand sign, the handkerchief had a code. For example, if a lady threw her handkerchief over her shoulder, it signaled, "Follow me." Folding the delicate piece of clothing meant, I wish to speak with you. As I share this information with you, I feel the need to practice these codes.
Smart. Yes. Subtle. Very. But what if the poor lad couldn't decode these signals? Shem, his loss. And then we have the dropping of the handkerchief. When a lady saw an eligible bachelor passing by, she would drop her handkerchief in front of him. In the era of lively chivalry, the gentleman of impeccable manners would stop, bend down, and pick up the handkerchief. He would then hand back the handkerchief to the lady with an “Excuse me, miss, you seem to have dropped your handkerchief”. The ice was broken and the two would likely court and get married. But this was achieved when the woman discreetly made the first indirect move.
Back to the 21st century, quel est notre problème mes amies? Why have we been trying to reinvent the wheel, when the way was paved for us? I will admit that in my youth, I did drop the proverbial handkerchief, but it was rather aggressive. I mean, I was a real go-getter, and I would get 'him'. But then I lost my mojo along the way. And I understand the reservations that we have with shooting our shot. How do we drop the 'handkerchief' in a subtle way that doesn't come off as desperate or psycho? That's a hard one. However, I still believe that we do have subtle signals up our sleeves.
At an event that I attended a while ago, I spotted a rather good-looking lad. There was the distant eye contact, across the room, and I coyly smiled. Later on, he wanted to take a photo and I offered to do so. There was an exchange of smiles, we started chatting, and numbers were exchanged. Unfortunately, no date. However, what Matthew said in the video makes total sense. While we are the ones being chased, we need the female eagle's shrewdness. Why do we need to wait when we can initiate?
Whilst I'm on initiating, can we stop limiting our range. There is a plethora of eligible bachelors whom we often overlook and underestimate. Remember that I did say that he doesn't have to be tall, dark and handsome. Think nerdy, funny, and caters to your love languages. I've met some pretty awesome, good guys who didn't meet my 'type' (former) but really caught my attention. In short open your eyes and embrace experiences outside your comfort zone. And all this history lesson on coquetry makes me want to read 'Pride and Prejudice' again.
Let's go out there and be out there. Choose, drop that hanky, and who knows ...
... break the ice and add some spice to your love life!
A prochaine fois... remember, hair, nails, heels, and confidence!
P.S.: Always write your own love story!
Lady E
Ciao!
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