The Slow Burn

Stop trying to control everything and start experiencing the slow burn.

Hello, single ladies! Comment ça va mes amies? "Je suis bien! Gather around; today we are having coffee and tea. I'll get my dose of caffeine as usual. I'm so inspired by the previous article. The inspiration came from the last few paragraphs, where I wrote about the slow burn. I remember the movie, "I Want You Back." The character Emma tells Peter that he's attractive, and she would date him, despite the fact that he is a slow burner. And then Kacey Musgraves' "Slow Burn" starts playing in my head. ("I'm alright with a slow burn").

As I decided to rewrite the scripts for my "love story," the last part challenged me. Do you remember what Kat Valdez said in "Marry Me"? If you want something different, you have to do something different. So, you make a different decision.

I thought long and hard about that statement. I believe that I'm like the rest of the world in that I prefer a microwaved life. We are constantly bombarded with the idea of instant connections. If it doesn't spark or fly like a rocket, then it's not the real thing. Our pastor at church always states that we are "feeling" people. The challenge with feelings is that we fail to be objective in our conduct. We fail to see the bigger picture. Therefore, we remain stuck, rarely making progress.

I don't know how many times I've allowed feelings to get in the way. As an accountable adult, I take responsibility for most of my heartbreaks. The main reason that I've gotten myself into trouble or made poor choices was because of my feelings. I wanted to "feel" a spark, connection, or vibe. Feelings have their place, just like fire has its place in a fireplace.

I have made the decision that in a world of instant gratification, I will choose to be different. Let me choose a slow burn.

With a show of hands, who knows what a slow burn is? Okay, let's go to school. The term "slow burn" often applies in literature or film. It is the slow development of a romantic attraction between characters over the course of a novel or series. A slow-burn romance paces the story, character development, and plot.

In the real world, "slow burn" means taking things slow when getting to know someone. In my past, I obsessed over project boyfriends. I've always been Bob the Builder. The only man for whom I ever felt that I didn't need to clean up, boost his status, or add vision was Mr. X. Did he need work? Hell yeah! But I perceived a level of accountability on his part to put in the work himself. By himself. All my other poor choices were based on sparks and science projects.

The takeaway is that we often let go of many potential relationships after the first date, without even really giving it a shot. Our minds have been programmed to look at romantic relationships like a Hallmark movie. (Approximately two hours to be precise) Everything has to happen fast to get to "yes" and "I do." And that's why we are disappointed due to unmet expectations. 

Is a slow burn the best way to fall in love?

The slow burn comes with a deeper connection. A connection that includes intimacy that's not superficial. It challenges us to engage with our partners at different levels. The slow burn offers opportunities for chemistry to grow, therefore forming fundamentals such as trust and friendship. Fiery, passionate affairs aren't sustainable in the long run. When you can still like each other after a disagreement or succeed at conflict resolution, you are somewhat guaranteed longevity.

Studies show that a slow burn will lead to greater compatibility and, perhaps, longer-lasting relationships. Slow burn is like returning home; it feels right, safe, and comforting. If passion is fire, then a slow burn is like a home's hearth: warm and pleasurable while supported by other aspects of the relationship.

We are in a season to unlearn bad habits and to make better choices. Next time we get excited by just lighting a match, let's remember the slow burn. 

Right now, Diana King's "Slow Rush" is playing in my head. No relation to our discussion. 

Here's to embracing the warmth of the eternal flame...

...let's rise from the ashes like the phoenix and welcome our rebirth.

Salut!

Until the next time, hair, nails, eyebrows and heels ...keep everything neat!

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E