"My mistakes are no worse than yours, just because I'm a woman." - Dolly Parton
I breathe an old soul in my being and I blame it entirely on my daddy. This weekend was rather moody with the grey clouds and my personal melancholy. I was lighting candles and going through old photos as yet again, I remembered my parents' death anniversary.
I truly believed in love stories when my father passed away on the 4th of August 1999. This is five years and a day after my mother's passing. He had followed his love. Over the years, I have fought with God about this robbery. I often question faith. I am not going to get into it on this platform. Today, in remembrance of the two beautiful souls whom I called mum and dad, I recollect memories.
I breathe an old soul in my being and I blame it entirely on my daddy. This weekend was rather moody with the grey clouds and my personal melancholy. I was lighting candles and going through old photos as yet again, I remembered my parents' death anniversary.
I truly believed in love stories when my father passed away on the 4th of August 1999. This is five years and a day after my mother's passing. He had followed his love. Over the years, I have fought with God about this robbery. I often question faith. I am not going to get into it on this platform. Today, in remembrance of the two beautiful souls whom I called mum and dad, I recollect memories.
The Beach
If I am to wed, the ceremony will be by the beach. When I die, please scatter my ashes by the sea. My next birthday, I am definitely celebrating it in Vilanculos. It's only when I came across photos of my family by beach did all my choices make sense. I have an attachment to the beach. Living in Senegal, gave me opportunity to play with beach sand and make sand castles. My parents loved the beach so much, you would think we were mermaids. Pun intended! I love the smell of sea water, the sound of the waves and the vastness of the water body.
Mama the Style Icon
I always look like I don't care about what's on my body. Of late, sweats have become my day, night and anywhere wear. Don't judge me! But when I grow up and get out of this rut, I want to be like my mama. Mama had style! Looking through my mother's photos, she was the Pinterest board before the application ever came to life. She knew how to put clothes together. She had an amazing Afro. She even rocked the wigs and braids like the queen that she was. One of her sisters shared what she said before she passed away that, when the family would give away her clothes (kugovera nhumbi), they must give my older sister the red outfits - all of them. Apparently the red outfits were the expensive ones. I would so wear almost every outfit that my mother wore in the present time. She was so chic!
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| Dakar, 1988. My mother, myself and our nanny by the beach. [c] |
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| Dakar, 1991. My father, younger sister, family friend and myself. [c] |
Mama the Style Icon
I always look like I don't care about what's on my body. Of late, sweats have become my day, night and anywhere wear. Don't judge me! But when I grow up and get out of this rut, I want to be like my mama. Mama had style! Looking through my mother's photos, she was the Pinterest board before the application ever came to life. She knew how to put clothes together. She had an amazing Afro. She even rocked the wigs and braids like the queen that she was. One of her sisters shared what she said before she passed away that, when the family would give away her clothes (kugovera nhumbi), they must give my older sister the red outfits - all of them. Apparently the red outfits were the expensive ones. I would so wear almost every outfit that my mother wore in the present time. She was so chic!
Daddy's Music
My daddy was a total coconut! He also loved the United States of America. I believe that he probably would have migrated our family if he had the chance. Part of that love for the US of A, was ingrained in him through graduating from one of the most prestigious HBCUs. (You don't understand my excitement about Beychella last year!) I just thought of my daddy, an HU alumni.
My father loved music so much! Actually, both my parents loved music. Though not musicians themselves, they filled our home with melodies and dance. My father loved rock & roll and country mostly. I knew every classic band from yesteryear because of my dad. I'm talking Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Bruce Springsteen, The Mamas and Papas, and Neil Diamond to name but a few. I became a fan of really old music. However, the soul in me loves the blues, Motown, funk and everything black and soulful!
I recall daddy sitting by the radio, playing some country music. It was Dolly Parton's, 'Just Because I'm a Woman'. My dad sang with every fibre in him as he absorbed every lyric. He then sat me down and schooled me about the song. The topic would have been, 'Don't devalue yourself to double standards.' My father shared the most honest conversations that a man can have with his pre-teen daughter.
The conversation went like this, "One day, I hope to walk you down the aisle and hand you in marriage to your husband. I want you to remain pure until marriage. But to be honest, that might not happen - and if it doesn't, it doesn't make you any less of a woman." As the twang of the country guitars played in the background, my father continued, "You see, men often dishonour women who aren't virgins. They forget that they are the ones responsible for deflowering a young woman's virtue," he paused, "Let no man tell you that you are any less because you are a woman."
Bless, my daddy, he would have been a favourite with the ladies when it comes to pro-women movements. In my adulthood, I repel any male who uses double standard verbatim in conversations. Who are you to disqualify any woman because she doesn't possess the male anatomy? My daddy sang to me, "My mistakes are no worse than yours, just because I'm a woman."
Daddy set a standard!
As a grown woman, I have never let my gender limit me. I continuously work hard for what I want to be. I am creating the table and seats so that others can find their place. That old country song continuously plays in my mind as a reminder of the advice from my first love.
Make the best of this thing called life. Leave pearls of wisdom. Share your favourite song and dance whilst doing it. And for every free second, spend it with the ones that you love...
...you don't know who might need that memory tomorrow!
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
My daddy was a total coconut! He also loved the United States of America. I believe that he probably would have migrated our family if he had the chance. Part of that love for the US of A, was ingrained in him through graduating from one of the most prestigious HBCUs. (You don't understand my excitement about Beychella last year!) I just thought of my daddy, an HU alumni.
My father loved music so much! Actually, both my parents loved music. Though not musicians themselves, they filled our home with melodies and dance. My father loved rock & roll and country mostly. I knew every classic band from yesteryear because of my dad. I'm talking Pink Floyd, Black Sabbath, Bruce Springsteen, The Mamas and Papas, and Neil Diamond to name but a few. I became a fan of really old music. However, the soul in me loves the blues, Motown, funk and everything black and soulful!
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| My father with his favourite toy in the early 80s. [c] |
I recall daddy sitting by the radio, playing some country music. It was Dolly Parton's, 'Just Because I'm a Woman'. My dad sang with every fibre in him as he absorbed every lyric. He then sat me down and schooled me about the song. The topic would have been, 'Don't devalue yourself to double standards.' My father shared the most honest conversations that a man can have with his pre-teen daughter.
The conversation went like this, "One day, I hope to walk you down the aisle and hand you in marriage to your husband. I want you to remain pure until marriage. But to be honest, that might not happen - and if it doesn't, it doesn't make you any less of a woman." As the twang of the country guitars played in the background, my father continued, "You see, men often dishonour women who aren't virgins. They forget that they are the ones responsible for deflowering a young woman's virtue," he paused, "Let no man tell you that you are any less because you are a woman."
Bless, my daddy, he would have been a favourite with the ladies when it comes to pro-women movements. In my adulthood, I repel any male who uses double standard verbatim in conversations. Who are you to disqualify any woman because she doesn't possess the male anatomy? My daddy sang to me, "My mistakes are no worse than yours, just because I'm a woman."
Daddy set a standard!
As a grown woman, I have never let my gender limit me. I continuously work hard for what I want to be. I am creating the table and seats so that others can find their place. That old country song continuously plays in my mind as a reminder of the advice from my first love.
Memories aren't created by things! They are a result of experiences and feelings.
Make the best of this thing called life. Leave pearls of wisdom. Share your favourite song and dance whilst doing it. And for every free second, spend it with the ones that you love...
...you don't know who might need that memory tomorrow!
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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