Skip to main content

It's not you...….Maybe it's me!

Eldom: Do not live a life of s-umptions.

I just had one of those weekends,too mellow for my liking.Last night I watched for the second time,the screenplay adaptation of Steve Harvey's book,'Think Like A Man,Act Like A Lady'.

Good movie with lots of humour a la Kevin Hart.But it had me thinking and reeling over my relationship faux pas.This is rehab session number three.

Remember 'Rated R'?I mentioned the book I am working on,'The Scoreboard'[c].One of the chapters, I share the healing process from the hurt of rejection.In 'The Great Expectations',I mentioned that expectations are the major causes of disappointments which could possibly lead to heartbreak.

As I 'studied' the movie,I saw myself in three of the female characters;Taraji P. Henson(the ambitious woman),Meagan Goode(90-day rule girl) and Regina Hall(the single-mum).And yes,I have committed most of the crimes mentioned in the book/movie.

And I thought about the infamous Mr X,whom,if he were a movie title,he would be 'Mission Impossible'.As I said,his douchebag rating has gone down by almost 50 percent,mainly due to my own personal soul searching.

I bet this line has been used on you,or maybe you have used it on someone else,'It's not you,it's me.'But this line is usually the breakup line,however in this discussion,it is more of a self examination question.

Yes Mr X had his faults,but I realised last night that maybe it was not really him,but more of me.This is not a pity party,I do not like pity.Yes,I am going to a place of vulnerability,(and I am not afraid,but do not judge me).This is to help any lady or anyone,recover,find forgiveness and the strength to move on,and to avoid the same mistakes,if ever they want to find success in love,relationships and even life.One important thing is to look at oneself before calling the next person names,(hence why I have refrained from the word 'douchebag').

As I said,I saw all the red flags that Mr X was 'trouble'.Even his background,and the things I had heard about him,spelt out,'trouble,trouble,trouble....'.But he was the most beautiful man I had ever met.Handsome,charming,funny,intelligent,amazing voice,creative....my kind of guy,but...1.My Problem:Not taking heed to warning signs and 2.Overestimating my abilities to tame the 'Beast' to Prince Charming.

Lesson Learnt:Had I just watched the 'Do not enter' sign,I would not have dove into 'quicksand' (and swallow me whole it did).I would never have had any expectations because I would not have anyone to expect anything from.

My Problem:Like Taraji's character,sometimes I am 'a man'.Having been raised by my father,yes I do sometimes forget that I am a girl.Hence my go-getter attitude,which at times has made me a hunter,instead of being the hunted.Lesson learnt:I do not have a penis,hence when it comes to the 'love game',I should always let the male pursue me.As old school as it sounds.

So going deep down I realised, being a crustacean myself (Cancerian),this personality in as much as it is my strength, it is also a defence mechanism. It is because of abandonment issues.

My Problem: Yes, I hunted and pursued Mr X, came on strong like tequila. Lesson learnt: Strong women are attractive, but it has to be subtle. Give the guy breathing space; especially if he has not laid out his cards on the table. Just go with the flow (if there is any).

My problem: Once I was told I was 'clingy'. I cringed at the thought, but once again theory was proved right. Yes, I was clingy. I was so afraid of losing, it was becoming a little obsessive. Lesson Learnt: What is worth holding onto, will hold on to you. No human being can control another no matter what, so people are in our lives for different reasons. Some are one-hit wonders, others just at a filling station as they pass by, whilst others seasonal, and some are like tattoos, for life.

My Problem: Like Regina Hall, it is hard being a single mum trying to pull off a balancing act of the different roles in life. I do want security for my daughter and I.A 'fatherly-figure' in our lives, to lead us, teach us and head us. Did I see a father in Mr X? Yes. Actually, he reminded me more of my own father. Lesson Learnt: No expectations. No one can replace anyone else.

Having done this introspection, yes I have forgiven Mr X. This is not a blame game; I always say, 'You burn, you learn.' I am working on forgiving myself for this particular incidence whilst also dealing with my insecurities and bad habits.

I need to grow up and come out of fairy tales. Sadly life is not a movie, so there are not cliched romantic endings.

Eldom: Everything begins with you. Love, peace, happiness, confidence and forgiveness. Live for you, so that whether on you are own or with people, you are never lonely.

Today's session ends here. Let go and let God.

P.S: Always write your own love story.

Ciao!

Lady E

Copyright[c] MPV by Lady E All Rights Reserved 2013

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

The Slow Burn

Stop trying to control everything and start experiencing the slow burn. Hello, single ladies! Comment ça va mes amies? "Je suis bien!   Gather around; today we are having coffee and tea. I'll get my dose of caffeine as usual. I'm so inspired by the previous article. The inspiration came from the last few paragraphs, where I wrote about the slow burn. I remember the movie, "I Want You Back." The character Emma tells Peter that he's attractive, and she would date him, despite the fact that he is a slow burner. And then Kacey Musgraves' "Slow Burn" starts playing in my head. ("I'm alright with a slow burn"). As I decided to rewrite the scripts for my "love story," the last part challenged me. Do you remember what Kat Valdez said in "Marry Me"? If you want something different, you have to do something different. So, you make a different decision. I thought long and hard about that statement. I believe that I'm ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Mother Dearest...Bitter Pill for Mother's Day!

There's no greater heartache than living life motherless. I'm wondering when I will finally rejoice and sing, 'The Storm is Over.' I've never been a good liar, this has been a very rough season. Finding hope in hopelessness is hard. Friends are few in the darkest times, doors are closed, and you feel as if your prayers are hitting a brass heaven; instead of God's ears. Sigh! Mothers day! I love how the commercial buzz around this day prompts many to dig deep into their pockets to repay their mothers. It's not just hallmark cards, but bouquet of flowers, fancy brunch or lunch dates, the huge grocery hampers, and more. Mum, amai, mama , went through a lot to make you the person you are, so she deserves you to give her the world. As one popular entertainer said, she is the one, and probably only person, who will pray for you and your wellbeing from the depths of her heart. Mother's Day is a day to celebrate and honour the women who brought us into this ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Single ladies: Wife material

MPV.....my point of view! Single Ladies: Wifen Material *Royal wave*Hey single ladies,your guide is back.The pursuit for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It is on.Today I would like to make you a get-a-ring-on-it lady. Now following my articles,'Single Ladies Part 3',where I talked about the prince searching for a 'real princess',or 'Queen';and 'Brown Sugar',where the word 'brown sugar' was defined as wifen material,I would like to talk about 'wifey material'.(Whether we are that). How do we single ladies get that ring-on-it,you ask?By being wifey material.My uncle keeps on telling me,'If you want to become Mrs X,you should be a wife.You are a wife before he puts a ring on it'.What he means is that,a man will treat you the way you portray yourself.How,you ask? Ever noticed the difference between a wife and a girlfriend.Now let me break it down for you.A girlfriend usually,takes life in a more leisurely way;unlike a wife,whose focus is mo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Put It In A Love Song...The Love Note

 "Say you love me, say you love me, put it in a love song....."-Alicia Keys featuring Beyoncé Yea, yea, lack of originality, I know, what is up with the song titles. I can't help it. I'm in love! Music is my Muse. Actually, it is my first love; my true love; love of my life; I bleed love,(oops, there she goes again);and my everything. Music is my life! So I guess, I draw a lot of my writing inspiration from songs, and for my life there are so many soundtracks. Right now, I'm in between Coyote Ugly and Burlesque soundtracks. But music is like that. It has so much power over our lives, and I believe it is the best gift that God ever placed on this earth. Music has brought us Michael Jackson who bridged the racial gap; empowerment,(born this way);inspiration,(the greatest love of all);affect change,(what's going on);bring nations together,(waka waka) and made us dance,(living la vida loca ). Music is the friend when you are alone, that connection to the divine, b...
Post a Comment
Read more

The School of life

Hello world ! My name is Lady E and I am here!  Beyonce's 'I Was Here' would be a name of the list of people who left their mark on the world and I will be on it! I am here, not yet a graduate of the School of Life, but bearing the scars of life,(well learnt lessons). I had an epiphany over the weekend.  If I am to entitle my autobiography, I would call it '[c] The Makings Of A Queen'. Yes, I am the Queen of my Empire. I am a work in progress,there is still so much to learn, but I am finally where I am supposed to be.(And from here on I am working towards where I am going).  Yes, I do admit that I have complained that my life should have gone in the 'order' that I wanted it to go, but of late, it has dawned on me, had it gone my way, I probably wouldn't have known what I know now. The school of life teaches us what no school,or university or college can teach.Education can equip people to be smart and technical,but the practicality of life is way d...
Post a Comment
Read more