It's not you...….Maybe it's me!

Eldom: Do not live a life of s-umptions.

I just had one of those weekends,too mellow for my liking.Last night I watched for the second time,the screenplay adaptation of Steve Harvey's book,'Think Like A Man,Act Like A Lady'.

Good movie with lots of humour a la Kevin Hart.But it had me thinking and reeling over my relationship faux pas.This is rehab session number three.

Remember 'Rated R'?I mentioned the book I am working on,'The Scoreboard'[c].One of the chapters, I share the healing process from the hurt of rejection.In 'The Great Expectations',I mentioned that expectations are the major causes of disappointments which could possibly lead to heartbreak.

As I 'studied' the movie,I saw myself in three of the female characters;Taraji P. Henson(the ambitious woman),Meagan Goode(90-day rule girl) and Regina Hall(the single-mum).And yes,I have committed most of the crimes mentioned in the book/movie.

And I thought about the infamous Mr X,whom,if he were a movie title,he would be 'Mission Impossible'.As I said,his douchebag rating has gone down by almost 50 percent,mainly due to my own personal soul searching.

I bet this line has been used on you,or maybe you have used it on someone else,'It's not you,it's me.'But this line is usually the breakup line,however in this discussion,it is more of a self examination question.

Yes Mr X had his faults,but I realised last night that maybe it was not really him,but more of me.This is not a pity party,I do not like pity.Yes,I am going to a place of vulnerability,(and I am not afraid,but do not judge me).This is to help any lady or anyone,recover,find forgiveness and the strength to move on,and to avoid the same mistakes,if ever they want to find success in love,relationships and even life.One important thing is to look at oneself before calling the next person names,(hence why I have refrained from the word 'douchebag').

As I said,I saw all the red flags that Mr X was 'trouble'.Even his background,and the things I had heard about him,spelt out,'trouble,trouble,trouble....'.But he was the most beautiful man I had ever met.Handsome,charming,funny,intelligent,amazing voice,creative....my kind of guy,but...1.My Problem:Not taking heed to warning signs and 2.Overestimating my abilities to tame the 'Beast' to Prince Charming.

Lesson Learnt:Had I just watched the 'Do not enter' sign,I would not have dove into 'quicksand' (and swallow me whole it did).I would never have had any expectations because I would not have anyone to expect anything from.

My Problem:Like Taraji's character,sometimes I am 'a man'.Having been raised by my father,yes I do sometimes forget that I am a girl.Hence my go-getter attitude,which at times has made me a hunter,instead of being the hunted.Lesson learnt:I do not have a penis,hence when it comes to the 'love game',I should always let the male pursue me.As old school as it sounds.

So going deep down I realised, being a crustacean myself (Cancerian),this personality in as much as it is my strength, it is also a defence mechanism. It is because of abandonment issues.

My Problem: Yes, I hunted and pursued Mr X, came on strong like tequila. Lesson learnt: Strong women are attractive, but it has to be subtle. Give the guy breathing space; especially if he has not laid out his cards on the table. Just go with the flow (if there is any).

My problem: Once I was told I was 'clingy'. I cringed at the thought, but once again theory was proved right. Yes, I was clingy. I was so afraid of losing, it was becoming a little obsessive. Lesson Learnt: What is worth holding onto, will hold on to you. No human being can control another no matter what, so people are in our lives for different reasons. Some are one-hit wonders, others just at a filling station as they pass by, whilst others seasonal, and some are like tattoos, for life.

My Problem: Like Regina Hall, it is hard being a single mum trying to pull off a balancing act of the different roles in life. I do want security for my daughter and I.A 'fatherly-figure' in our lives, to lead us, teach us and head us. Did I see a father in Mr X? Yes. Actually, he reminded me more of my own father. Lesson Learnt: No expectations. No one can replace anyone else.

Having done this introspection, yes I have forgiven Mr X. This is not a blame game; I always say, 'You burn, you learn.' I am working on forgiving myself for this particular incidence whilst also dealing with my insecurities and bad habits.

I need to grow up and come out of fairy tales. Sadly life is not a movie, so there are not cliched romantic endings.

Eldom: Everything begins with you. Love, peace, happiness, confidence and forgiveness. Live for you, so that whether on you are own or with people, you are never lonely.

Today's session ends here. Let go and let God.

P.S: Always write your own love story.

Ciao!

Lady E

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