Skip to main content

It's not you...….Maybe it's me!

Eldom: Do not live a life of s-umptions.

I just had one of those weekends,too mellow for my liking.Last night I watched for the second time,the screenplay adaptation of Steve Harvey's book,'Think Like A Man,Act Like A Lady'.

Good movie with lots of humour a la Kevin Hart.But it had me thinking and reeling over my relationship faux pas.This is rehab session number three.

Remember 'Rated R'?I mentioned the book I am working on,'The Scoreboard'[c].One of the chapters, I share the healing process from the hurt of rejection.In 'The Great Expectations',I mentioned that expectations are the major causes of disappointments which could possibly lead to heartbreak.

As I 'studied' the movie,I saw myself in three of the female characters;Taraji P. Henson(the ambitious woman),Meagan Goode(90-day rule girl) and Regina Hall(the single-mum).And yes,I have committed most of the crimes mentioned in the book/movie.

And I thought about the infamous Mr X,whom,if he were a movie title,he would be 'Mission Impossible'.As I said,his douchebag rating has gone down by almost 50 percent,mainly due to my own personal soul searching.

I bet this line has been used on you,or maybe you have used it on someone else,'It's not you,it's me.'But this line is usually the breakup line,however in this discussion,it is more of a self examination question.

Yes Mr X had his faults,but I realised last night that maybe it was not really him,but more of me.This is not a pity party,I do not like pity.Yes,I am going to a place of vulnerability,(and I am not afraid,but do not judge me).This is to help any lady or anyone,recover,find forgiveness and the strength to move on,and to avoid the same mistakes,if ever they want to find success in love,relationships and even life.One important thing is to look at oneself before calling the next person names,(hence why I have refrained from the word 'douchebag').

As I said,I saw all the red flags that Mr X was 'trouble'.Even his background,and the things I had heard about him,spelt out,'trouble,trouble,trouble....'.But he was the most beautiful man I had ever met.Handsome,charming,funny,intelligent,amazing voice,creative....my kind of guy,but...1.My Problem:Not taking heed to warning signs and 2.Overestimating my abilities to tame the 'Beast' to Prince Charming.

Lesson Learnt:Had I just watched the 'Do not enter' sign,I would not have dove into 'quicksand' (and swallow me whole it did).I would never have had any expectations because I would not have anyone to expect anything from.

My Problem:Like Taraji's character,sometimes I am 'a man'.Having been raised by my father,yes I do sometimes forget that I am a girl.Hence my go-getter attitude,which at times has made me a hunter,instead of being the hunted.Lesson learnt:I do not have a penis,hence when it comes to the 'love game',I should always let the male pursue me.As old school as it sounds.

So going deep down I realised, being a crustacean myself (Cancerian),this personality in as much as it is my strength, it is also a defence mechanism. It is because of abandonment issues.

My Problem: Yes, I hunted and pursued Mr X, came on strong like tequila. Lesson learnt: Strong women are attractive, but it has to be subtle. Give the guy breathing space; especially if he has not laid out his cards on the table. Just go with the flow (if there is any).

My problem: Once I was told I was 'clingy'. I cringed at the thought, but once again theory was proved right. Yes, I was clingy. I was so afraid of losing, it was becoming a little obsessive. Lesson Learnt: What is worth holding onto, will hold on to you. No human being can control another no matter what, so people are in our lives for different reasons. Some are one-hit wonders, others just at a filling station as they pass by, whilst others seasonal, and some are like tattoos, for life.

My Problem: Like Regina Hall, it is hard being a single mum trying to pull off a balancing act of the different roles in life. I do want security for my daughter and I.A 'fatherly-figure' in our lives, to lead us, teach us and head us. Did I see a father in Mr X? Yes. Actually, he reminded me more of my own father. Lesson Learnt: No expectations. No one can replace anyone else.

Having done this introspection, yes I have forgiven Mr X. This is not a blame game; I always say, 'You burn, you learn.' I am working on forgiving myself for this particular incidence whilst also dealing with my insecurities and bad habits.

I need to grow up and come out of fairy tales. Sadly life is not a movie, so there are not cliched romantic endings.

Eldom: Everything begins with you. Love, peace, happiness, confidence and forgiveness. Live for you, so that whether on you are own or with people, you are never lonely.

Today's session ends here. Let go and let God.

P.S: Always write your own love story.

Ciao!

Lady E

Copyright[c] MPV by Lady E All Rights Reserved 2013

Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

The Slow Burn

Stop trying to control everything and start experiencing the slow burn. Hello, single ladies! Comment ça va mes amies? "Je suis bien!   Gather around; today we are having coffee and tea. I'll get my dose of caffeine as usual. I'm so inspired by the previous article. The inspiration came from the last few paragraphs, where I wrote about the slow burn. I remember the movie, "I Want You Back." The character Emma tells Peter that he's attractive, and she would date him, despite the fact that he is a slow burner. And then Kacey Musgraves' "Slow Burn" starts playing in my head. ("I'm alright with a slow burn"). As I decided to rewrite the scripts for my "love story," the last part challenged me. Do you remember what Kat Valdez said in "Marry Me"? If you want something different, you have to do something different. So, you make a different decision. I thought long and hard about that statement. I believe that I'm ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Script My Life: Reality High

High school will always be tough no matter what era... Top be honest, I hated high school with a passion. Okay, most of high school, senior year was bearable. I went through serious teenage angst and it didn't help that I didn't fit in. I struggled with my identity because I grew up bourgie but lived in the ghetto, spoke with a twang and was an artist at heart. I loved pretty things but I preferred being comfortable. And that's why when I watched the Netflix original film, Reality High, I could relate. In high school, everyone wants to be cool and fit in. Starring Nesta Cooper and Keith Powers, the movie is about awkward yet high achieving senior Dani Barnes. Dani is focused on going to college and volunteers at the school's veterinary section. But Dani has an arch enemy not by choice. Enter Alexa Medina, the most popular girl in school who has a vlog. Alexa has a large following of nine million followers and is always moving around taking videos, and photos....
Post a Comment
Read more

Script My Life: Jane, Jane, Carrie!

Some stories are best watched as they play out... Ever watched a movie or TV series and relate to a character? How many parts of the plot line would you have loved to be part of your life? Filmmakers have managed to tap into our subconscious to draw emotions towards their films. There are certain characters that have become memorable with fans. We often quote them, use film analogies to explain real life and even play out the plot ourselves. Relating film to real life has become a common feature on this blog. We called it Script My Life, of which many of you are a fan of. To date the most viewed posts are the 'SML' for 'Madea's Family Reunion' and 'Why Did I Get Married?'. All I can say is thank you. We continue to bridge screenplays to our real lives today. Television series often bring various storylines in different genres. When I was young, I had an obsession with medical/hospital drama. Teen dramas became my thing during my early 20s. Remember...
Post a Comment
Read more

Issue Of Trust

Life isn't science that's why there are no formulas... Yet we expect everyone to go through life like the copies of the same textbook. It's easy to condemn someone for not having their act together. Often when you expect very little from specific individuals, you persecute them. As I write this blog, there are thousands of people going through tough times and bound in silence. Someone right now just lost their job, another person is now homeless with an overdue rent debt. Schools are about to open and coming up with school fees is proving to be an immense challenge. I've been open about my current life situation - it's been hard. I remember bumping into a former colleague in a supermarket. We had a brief catch up a session; she was doing well; I wasn't. With pain in my voice, I mentioned that it's been hard, not to mention that I looked like crap. But I don't think she cared, we were never friends like that. But today I reached out to one of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

I Ain't Got My Shit Together

It's okay that I'm not the ideal because I'm a work in progress! I was listening to Brandy's discography and then I resonated with the lyrics to 'Camouflage'. I love the part when she sings, " And God knows I ain't perfect, Tell me who in the world is, All I know is that I'm searching, For somebody to love me with." Yes, then I recall my many arguments with Sagittarius. Always fighting dirty and hitting below the belt. As I have previously highlighted, I asked of him, to step up and meet me halfway. That's what normal people in a relationship do, right? Attempting reverse psychology on me, he would state that I thought of myself as 'perfect'. Whilst I chastised him, not to be condescending, but to make the relationship 'work', but I was the villain. He would be petty and sulk that he's always wrong with me instead of taking responsibility. Sigh! I wish that he chose to understand that I'm far from perfect. I hav...
Post a Comment
Read more