Skip to main content

Dirty Laundry Diaries: Secret Lovers

You then come to a place that you want to be more than a hush...

Black Woman Keeping Secrets



Am I the only one who feels like buffing with the obnoxious ‘couple goals’ on social media. There is a certain amount of posts as a couple that should be deemed illegal. And no, it’s not jealousy, relationships should have a level of being personal. 

"If I like you, I will not follow you on social media and neither should you. "


I have been one of those people who seeks to keep their relationships private. In actual fact I have a social media policy with whomever I date...let’s not follow each other. If I like you, I will not follow you on social media and neither should you. There’s something about people’s social media persona that I find unattractive. I would rather base my attraction to the person that I’m seeing on IRL activities.

"Navigate the relationship through your own perceptions and not what your friends or society dictates."
I’m also a believer in keeping the relationship under wraps even from close circles. Look if it’s still fresh, and in the early stages, you would rather keep it to yourself. I don’t want to be going through interrogation by my inner circle about something that just might fizzle out quickly. For the first few dates and perhaps few months of a relationship it’s good to listen to only your own voice. Navigate the relationship through your own perceptions and not what your friends or society dictates.

Keeping your business, your business can help keep your relationship intact. I believe that even keeping it off social media wards off negative vibes from the comments section. Besides you don’t feel the pressure to act for an audience. When y’all going through your lows, you can break up and make up in peace. That also depends if you aren’t sending subliminal post break up messages on your social media. And even if you don’t make up, you can enjoy your ice cream, tequila shots and break up love songs in peace.

The cons however with keeping your relationship on the low is security. Not that you are an insecure human being but there’s always that part that needs reassurance. You want them to claim you, to show some PDA and in a corny way, proclaim their affections for you. When you are keeping things on the low, it means being discreet. It could be an office romance or dating your siblings friend, or one of those OMG scenarios that you don’t want people to find out. Everything you do has to be done quietly and far from the public gaze.

So yeah, I’m absolutely cool with people not sticking their noses in what doesn’t concern them. But how am I supposed to react when he tells me not to be close to him because people will talk? Do you pretend not to feel hurt or slightly rejected when you want to steal a kiss, touch or glance when it’s just the two of you,...in public? Do you flip out if someone else double taps their photos on IG? Are you offended if they are nonchalant about attention that you get from other people?

The challenge with being secret lovers is the fact that you can’t define what you have. You could find yourself overthinking things that people who are public about their relationships, don’t worry about. You are also unable to see tell tale signs of either a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Look, being secret lovers is like a psychiatric patient in a straight jacket and confinement.

"So how do we strike the balance between privacy and security at the same time? "

So how do we strike the balance between privacy and security at the same time? Both partners have to agree on what makes you both feel secure and reassured. Both partners have to be okay with being caught or found out. People will eventually find out either way especially if things are heated up and real. In an African proverb, “What has horns cannot be hidden”, and well secrets come out one way or the other.

It’s a good stance to keep relationships under wraps but it’s better to allow them to evolve and come to the surface.

P.S. : Always write your own love story.

Lady E

Ciao!

Comments

Popular Posts

Single ladies: Wife material

MPV.....my point of view! Single Ladies: Wifen Material *Royal wave*Hey single ladies,your guide is back.The pursuit for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It is on.Today I would like to make you a get-a-ring-on-it lady. Now following my articles,'Single Ladies Part 3',where I talked about the prince searching for a 'real princess',or 'Queen';and 'Brown Sugar',where the word 'brown sugar' was defined as wifen material,I would like to talk about 'wifey material'.(Whether we are that). How do we single ladies get that ring-on-it,you ask?By being wifey material.My uncle keeps on telling me,'If you want to become Mrs X,you should be a wife.You are a wife before he puts a ring on it'.What he means is that,a man will treat you the way you portray yourself.How,you ask? Ever noticed the difference between a wife and a girlfriend.Now let me break it down for you.A girlfriend usually,takes life in a more leisurely way;unlike a wife,whose focus is mo...

Script My Life: Marry Me

If you want something different, you have to do something different! Woo, Jennifer Lopez really grated the cheese on this rom-com but I love it! Yes, this Valentines day, J Lo reminds us of all our fantasies of what really love should be. Jenny has always been a girl who loves love. So art somewhat imitates life. Following her reunion with former fiancé, Ben Affleck, we are definitely seeing Jenny from the Block 2.0. Who knew that getting back together with 'the one that got away' two decades later would revive romantically in J lo? We all know that Jennifer loves to be booed up. She's been married three times, engaged five or six (I've lost count). I believe relationship experts would consider her a love addict. But that's none of our business! Just in time for Valentines day, a romantic comedy simply titled, "Marry Me". The stars Jennifer Lopez, Owen Wilson, Maluma, John Bradley, Sarah Silverman, and Chloe Coleman. The movie opens with the title trac...

Script My Life: Bad Hair

My relationship with hair extensions will never be the same! It's spooky season and what a time for all things that make your stomach churn, and eyes pop! For most of this series, I review romantic comedies and dramas. The big screen allows me to live vicariously through stories and characters. I can escape my mundane life and all the imperfections in between. I can be anything that I want, through whichever character that I relate to. Funny enough I love horror and thrillers! I love the adrenalin rush of frightening encounters with the paranormal, or mentally unhinged. Most horrors or thrillers often follow a generic pattern, however there those that take the cup for scares. I will never watch 'The Exorcist' and 'The Nun' again! Apart from being scary, I am not playing with all that supernatural stuff. And here we are, watching Hulu's new flick, 'Bad Hair'. Ever since the trailer, I have been religiously following the interviews. In one interview, the f...

The Case of the Ghost

If you decide to ghost, then stay dead! I'm riled up and thinking WTF? Who the hell does he think he is? Trying to walk out of the tomb like the Messiah! Degage! But I also realised that I wasn't over it. IT! The hurt and humiliation of being ghosted. The humiliation of being relegated to  side  chick.  And the pain of going through loss alone. Who the hell does he think he is ... in my life? After many years, I bumped into him at a recent event. Actually, he called out my name and followed me. I don't know why he thought that he and I were Gucci. For two years, that guy was a poltergeist.He didn't reach out to me to explain his behaviour. He didn't send me a birthday message. No communication. Obviously, out of sight, out of mind.And then he has the nerve to call out my full government name. Honestly, I was inebriated and had no time for his nonsense. But he started saying that he and I needed to talk. He thought that I was his girl. He missed me. I'm literally...

Are You Friend Zoning Your Soulmate?

Your perfect match could be right under your nose! And then Colby O'donis' 'Under My Nose' starts playing. As the lyrics play, I can't help reflect on a recent experience that has me wondering - could he be right under my nose, and I've been too blind to see? Bonjour mes amies! Comment allez-vous? Ça va! Bring your wine glasses with you and let's have a chat. So, I've been doing some serious self-reflection after our last discussion. There's a lot of unpacking required  and I really need to let go, so that I heal. Healing leads to new beginnings. And hopefully, happy endings - metaphorically that is. We all know the friendzone - that comfortable space where we stash away people we care about but don't see as romantic partners. But could our so-called 'friends' actually be meant for more?  Lately I've been reflecting on a close acquaintance of mine whom I've realized I may have been unintentionally 'friendzoning.' We'v...