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Dirty Laundry Diaries: Secret Lovers

You then come to a place that you want to be more than a hush...
Black Woman Keeping Secrets


Am I the only one who feels like buffing with the obnoxious ‘couple goals’ on social media. There is a certain amount of posts as a couple that should be deemed illegal. And no, it’s not jealousy, relationships should have a level of being personal. 

"If I like you, I will not follow you on social media and neither should you. "


I have been one of those people who seeks to keep their relationships private. In actual fact I have a social media policy with whomever I date...let’s not follow each other. If I like you, I will not follow you on social media and neither should you. There’s something about people’s social media persona that I find unattractive. I would rather base my attraction to the person that I’m seeing on IRL activities.

"Navigate the relationship through your own perceptions and not what your friends or society dictates."
I’m also a believer in keeping the relationship under wraps even from close circles. Look if it’s still fresh, and in the early stages, you would rather keep it to yourself. I don’t want to be going through interrogation by my inner circle about something that just might fizzle out quickly. For the first few dates and perhaps few months of a relationship it’s good to listen to only your own voice. Navigate the relationship through your own perceptions and not what your friends or society dictates.

Keeping your business, your business can help keep your relationship intact. I believe that even keeping it off social media wards off negative vibes from the comments section. Besides you don’t feel the pressure to act for an audience. When y’all going through your lows, you can break up and make up in peace. That also depends if you aren’t sending subliminal post break up messages on your social media. And even if you don’t make up, you can enjoy your ice cream, tequila shots and break up love songs in peace.

The cons however with keeping your relationship on the low is security. Not that you are an insecure human being but there’s always that part that needs reassurance. You want them to claim you, to show some PDA and in a corny way, proclaim their affections for you. When you are keeping things on the low, it means being discreet. It could be an office romance or dating your siblings friend, or one of those OMG scenarios that you don’t want people to find out. Everything you do has to be done quietly and far from the public gaze.

So yeah, I’m absolutely cool with people not sticking their noses in what doesn’t concern them. But how am I supposed to react when he tells me not to be close to him because people will talk? Do you pretend not to feel hurt or slightly rejected when you want to steal a kiss, touch or glance when it’s just the two of you,...in public? Do you flip out if someone else double taps their photos on IG? Are you offended if they are nonchalant about attention that you get from other people?

The challenge with being secret lovers is the fact that you can’t define what you have. You could find yourself overthinking things that people who are public about their relationships, don’t worry about. You are also unable to see tell tale signs of either a healthy or unhealthy relationship. Look, being secret lovers is like a psychiatric patient in a straight jacket and confinement.

"So how do we strike the balance between privacy and security at the same time? "

So how do we strike the balance between privacy and security at the same time? Both partners have to agree on what makes you both feel secure and reassured. Both partners have to be okay with being caught or found out. People will eventually find out either way especially if things are heated up and real. In an African proverb, “What has horns cannot be hidden”, and well secrets come out one way or the other.

It’s a good stance to keep relationships under wraps but it’s better to allow them to evolve and come to the surface.

P.S. : Always write your own love story.

Lady E

Ciao!

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