Here We Go...AGAIN!

My contrite heart is resuscitated and my blood's pulsating...

...AGAIN!

I've got a crush, and I feel kind of alive. J. Lo's 'Feelin' So Good' starts to play in the background.

I'm not ready yet to unpack the mess that I got myself into by moving off the road to our journey of 'becoming.' It's been a rough season. But I'm like Lazarus being called out of the grave—back to life.

It seems that as I near the big 4.0, I seem to enjoy playing in the kiddie pool. Am I slowly turning into a cougar? As I write this, a moment of silence is needed for the queen whom I have bragged about all my life, Tina Turner. Those who know me know that I've always stated that there are only three women with great legs in the world. Tina Turner, Mariah Carey, and myself Everyone else falls back in line.

Tina Turner was a trailblazer and a woman who defied the odds, as well as brought humanity to celebrity. Queens never die; they ascend.

I thought of Tina Turner because of her love story with her husband, Erwin Bach.

And we are here...

My single ladies, bonjour mes amies! Comment allez vous? Je suis comme çi, comme ça!  I present my apologies for being MIA at a crucial time in our journey. I know that we have been invested in this series, the journey, and the expected outcome in this year of manifesting and becoming. I do thank you for your patience during this hiatus.

Tjo, I've been through the trenches for the past few months. I'm just holding onto faith to keep me sane. But as I am healing, it's good to feel a heartbeat. Most of me had gone flatline, not knowing if I was going to revert to being bitter or evolve and become better. Again, faith, even at a snail's pace, is reviving my heart; my inner being is actually in resuscitation.

The Jets 'Crush' starts playing; let's gather around, and you can bring your wine glasses with you. I'm not yet in "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" mode yet, but there's a Winston (Jamaican accent). Smiles. I've got a crush on le garçon du chocolat (hides face). He's got smooth ebony skin, alluring eyes, a great smile, cute dimples, and a goatee—yep, I'm a sucker for the goatee. I love dimples even more. And I like them pretty. Oui, oui, tall, dark, and handsome! To paint a vivid picture, he looks like the actor Sylvester Powell, JR., in 'All American: Homecoming.' Please allow me to have my moment to be giddy. Oh, yes, he's way, way younger.

Sylvester Powell as JR in All American Homecoming

And the crush is reciprocal. Oh yes, it's a two-way street, hallelujah! So how did your girl move from RL's "Steel" to having a sweet tooth? To be honest, a part of me feels like having Kehlani's 'Distraction.' "Are you down to be a distraction, baby? But don't distract me; let me ask you, baby, Do you, do you, do you, do you want to be a distraction, baby?" And le garçon du chocolat is eye candy—the perfect distraction. But it's a crush. One that's likely to remain just that.

Remember, I'm still healing.I met le garçon du chocolat at church. Now ain't that divine? I was in the restaurant having a meal when I saw this beautiful ebony brova. I smiled to myself and went, "Whoa!" One Saturday, when I attended a ladies' meeting, I saw le garçon du chocolat again. I told a friend that I thought he was cute. Unbeknownst to me, my friend passed on the message. Like really? Anyway, girlfriends are catalysts sometimes. When I saw him, I gave him my biggest toothpaste advertisement smile. He complimented my smile and said, "You have a beautiful smile." Oluwami! I absorbed that validation like rainwater sipping into the ground.

I later found out, through a mutual friend, that I wasn't the only one who saw stars. I blush as I write this. And the sparks haven't fizzled out...

...but what's the purpose of this reciprocated crush? As someone who is intentional in relationships, I don't want to be a prick. In short, I'm not rebounding. This is a distraction, and I don't have the emotional or character bandwidth to hopefully make it any more than it is. It's just a crush. C'est tout!

Remember le garçon de caramel? That was an interesting crush. I'm glad that I was realistic about it, though. Just as a reminder, a crush is, according to the Britannica Dictionary, a strong feeling of romantic love for someone that is usually not expressed and does not last a long time The person who has a crush is usually young or is behaving or feeling like a young person. There are about fourteen types of crushes that I won't go into detail about. However, according to psychologists, a typical crush usually lasts for at most four months. If the feeling persists, this feeling is then considered “being in love.”

Depending on our perceptions, it can be thrilling to have an intense attraction to someone and to think of them often. If the intensity isn't pariah, a crush can be a great diversion from a lacklustre love life or a lack of romantic relationships. If you have experienced the disappointment of heartbreak, a crush is like receiving a blood transfusion. Increase circulation. Plus, there's the removal of tunnel vision—a shift in focus.

A crush is like receiving a blood transfusion. Increase circulation. Plus, there's removal of tunnel vision - a shift in focus.

Everyone has experienced it at some point in their life, and it doesn't have to be a bad thing. It can be an opportunity to explore your emotions, test your boundaries, and learn more about yourself. It's important to be mindful of your feelings and intentions. Before you act on your feelings, it's important to consider if the other person is interested in you in the same way. If they are not, it's important to respect their boundaries and move on.

In the event that you want to pursue the relationship, it's important to be honest about your intentions and to be clear about your boundaries. Never confuse a crush with love. Don't overthink a crush and turn it into a whole wedding Pinterest board. Explore the crush as a way to articulate flirting and to understand what you like in a person to whom you are attracted to. I love a saying by a friend, "When your crush comes through and you feel butterflies in your stomach, eat something; you just might be hungry."

When your crush comes through and you feel butterflies in your stomach- eat something, you just might be hungry.

So here we go again! The crush on the younger man was not intentional, though. Being able to smile, feel giddy like a schoolgirl, and have a positive outlook is actually a good state to be in.

"It's just a little crush, and like, it happens every time we touch, said Jennifer Paige.

Ladies we remain focused on the outcome. Remember intention, effort, and commitment. Be the reflection of what you want to manifest into reality. I'm definitely here for the eternal flame, and not just sparks, but...

...We can still like candyfloss - sweet and fluffy!

A prochaine fois ....

Remember to draw that cat-eye, those eyebrows must be identical twins, plump those lips, lay that hair, keep the nails done, high heels, and keep your soul aligned with the divine!

And keep on BECOMING!

P.S.: Always write your own love story. 

Lady E 

Ciao!