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The Do-Over


There’s something about a new year that often get people excited and often it’s the idea of a fresh start. If life was a diary or memoir then on the first day of January of the new year the entry would be, ’Page one of the book of 2017, dear diary…,” with the hope that by page 365 or 366 in a leap year, the story will have a happily ever after or at least, “In the year 2017 I have met most of my goals despite…but…happened to me, so I’m grateful for…” Well, for me 2017 feels like I have turned back the hands of time to a year which I ended up regretting and experienced events that changed my life and perceptions of life. For those who are diligent with their calendars and maybe are obsessive about the Gregorian timeline as well as solar and lunar activities would have realised that 2017 is similar to the year 2012. January 1 2012 commenced on a Sunday and January 1 2017 also began on a Sunday, so for those who have unused diaries from 2012, you might as well use those just don’t forget to fast-forward the 2 to 7.

So what happened in 2012 you may ask? Well 2012 was the year that I first got formerly employed after having been a stay at home after my daughter’s birth. It was also the year that I turned 25, I debuted as a spoken word artist, and I came out of my shell and began having a social life. It was sadly the year that I made a very poor choice that broke my heart not to mention that my older brother (close cousin) passed away after his bone marrow transplant. It was a roller coaster year for sure but out of all the years of my life 2012 is the only year that I regret having-there’s so much that I’ve wished I could change but couldn’t undo. But the universe seems to be kind to me as this year seems to be my second chance. I can do-over 2012 in 2017. As ridiculous as it sounds, I have already changed the path plus I am a little bit older, wiser and I definitely know what I want out of life. Five years is a long time to spring clean, grow up and even heal so the Lady E in 2017 is not the girl that I used to be and like Adele’s Grammy award winning album ‘25’, my life right now is about tying loose ends and moving on.

We are in February and although things are a bit more challenging that five years ago, I am pursuing my dream career whilst working on opening doors of opportunity for me (because writing for Huffington post, or being part of the media team at Revolt or writing songs for the biggest artists in the world is just an opportunity away). I am also coming into my own as a woman, I understand that I have flaws but unlike at 25, I am embracing the fact that I will always take photos from my best side, who needs a big booty when you have legs like Mariah or Rihanna and yes call me coconut if you like, I am a proud black woman of rich African heritage who refuses to be enslaved in body, mind and spirit to the ideals and stereotypes that I as a young, black, African, woman cannot dream of exploring the universe or achieving my goals without having a man to get me there. In 2017 I Lady E will not even give herself the pressure of getting married like I did in 2012 instead I am focused on studying further, being a better mother to my child and working towards my vision.

I have begun the grieving process for my late brother because I never had the time to do that despite the loss having had major effects on my health in 2012. He was only 27 and was pursuing his master’s degree, a beautiful soul that life was stolen. I have realised that in crying, being sad and even going through the memories, his birthday, the day that he died and even the short life that he lived I can find hope and inspiration. I can carry on the legacy of love, ambition and even the spirituality that my brother had and of course continue to support Manchester United on his behalf. I can never change the turn of events but when I sing ‘One Sweet Day’ there’s a slight lifting that makes things alright.

As for the part that I regret the most, the universe has been kind enough to press the delete button and rid of me all the people involved and I don’t need any closure anymore because I know what I want, what I won’t settle for and I have so much self-respect but even if I were going to revisits or meet those people the answer is going to be ‘NO’ from the start and let’s see if I will be bitter, desperate and depressed again. Oh hell no! I am also redoing my birthday and this year in specific I turn the big 3 0! I have waited a very long time to turn 30 and this year I am not going over the top and throwing a party, inviting people who aren’t even my real friends with some not showing up like I did when I turned 25. This year Lady E’s 30th birthday is all about her (I don’t even know why I’m referring to myself in the third person), but yes, because love begins with God and then self and I being made in the image of the God that I believe in, will honour and treat myself…myself. I don’t expect a big surprise birthday party or getting huge presents or the sort but I know that I will go out of my way to treat myself to what I only know that I deserve…better!



You see when in the year 2012 I do admit I had very low self-esteem (something that I have been dealing with and healing from) and always sought validation from different people, not always good for me. I remember the amount of male attention that I would get because somewhat I had become attractive when I started working, would get my hair and nails done, always wore make-up, and had nice clothes. I also started going out more had a circle of ‘friends’ that I would hang out with, gossip, shop and do what friends’ ought to do. I was so focused and had my year planned out that by my birthday I would have met the ‘ONE’ who I would date and then get married to in the next year, get my daughter into the best school for first grade, work hard and get promoted at work, start earning a better salary with which I would buy a car, probably move out and yes, save for my restaurant. Oh, you all thought that the magazine was my initial business idea? Since 2010 I have wanted a restaurant for a business, and then I would go to school to study psychology and in between start a clothing line. There are days I swear that ‘Jane the Virgin’ had me in mind because there are certain similarities in my 25 year old self that I see in the character Jane Villanueva (played by Gina Rodriguez)-judgmental, naive, idealistic, plans things in advance (okay, that I still do and even write a budget, but that’s important y’all) and has that dream ‘love story’. Sigh! Well, life definitely doesn’t go as planned but I don’t regret where I am right now even if it’s not ideal because again, I have cleaned out negative energies from my life including so-called friends, I might go out much anymore but I have something that keeps me occupied so I don’t spend my time idle or obsessing over nonsense and with my embracing of my natural hair I feel a rebirth and a certain pride-I love myself more, I am beautiful just the way I am and I know I have so much to do in this life with or without the validation or praise.

The new 2012 (2017) sees Lady E with a book on the way, going to school, writing for more and different publications, counting down to her 30th birthday, growing her relationship with her daughter and being more spiritually aware of the world as events unfold. I am officially single again as I filed for divorce from any stupid idea of marriage or a relationship with a certain somebody (in other words I broke the soul ties) so I will not compare anyone new or ponder on the ‘what ifs’ or ‘what would have been’. Instead I take each day as it comes, no pressure to be a Mrs, no sadness over being single on Valentine’s day or envy over OTT couples posting their #baelife or #couplegoals photos (because y’all know that’s like envying someone on a reality TV show right?). I, Lady E, am writing my own life story but strategically now because I have goals to meet but again no pressure because in the 21st century nothing has a time limit anymore except for attention spans but love, money, a successful career and even will surely come for as long as you breathe and maybe play your cards right!

Let’s watch how you can turn back the hands of time and do it all again and this time it will be done right!

P.S. Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E

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