Human connection is deepened by proximity and access to each other.
Bonjour mes amies! We made it to the other side, welcome to a new year. It is with the hope that this will be an evolutionary year for all of us. May we action every declaration and resolution. May we manifest in reality the desires of our hearts in accordance with time and purpose.
Our last piece was all about manifestation. We decided that in this season we are leveling up. We are going to unpack those suitcases of trauma, bitterness, self-pity, anger, low self-esteem, and low standards. We are unlearning bad habits and we are realigning ourselves with the 'Lord of the ring' - the author and finisher of our life story.
In the spirit of resolutions particularly as we go through our spiritual alignment during the 10 and 21 days of January, let's really unlearn. Welcome to the Red Season. I chose the colour red because it's bold and vibrant. Red is the colour of the blood that runs through our veins. Red is the colour that is ubiquitous with love and romance. Red is also for danger! With the last statement let's begin the Red Season with the Red Flag series. In this series, we will take a look at some dating or relationship red flags that we tend to ignore. If we are to become women of substance and enjoy the relationships that we want, and deserve, then we need to unlearn riding on these red flag rollercoasters. We will look at textationships, breadcrumbing, insincere apologies, and the role that we play in our tragic love stories.
January is about being reflective and taking everything to the Lord in prayer. As the character, Kat Valdez said in 'Marry Me', "If you want something different, you have to do something different. So, you make a different decision." I'll admit that I made a very recent poor choice but there's redemption. I'm also here to unlearn bad habits. I desire to be better and receive better, so I will choose to do better.
So we begin with my entire dating experience during last year. (And parts of this year. Hides face). I was in more text exchanges than physical dates. Imagine? We're outside yet it's like pandemic behaviour. Texts are a decent form of communication that allows a continuous connection between people. If you're using WhatsApp or Telegram it's a cheaper way to stay in touch, showcase your quirks on your status, and share community with different social and professional circles. My qualms with texting are that to an extent it promotes a lack of effort.
As mentioned before, one of my biggest pet peeves via text is 'send me your pic.' My face screws at the idea of the audacity to make such a request. And then there's small talk. I'm not a fan of texts unless it's with people whom I have deep connections with and talk to a lot IRL. These are people that I don't need to do the 'Hi, how are you' introductions. Often it could be an OTT (over-the-top) voice note, or a link to a funny video, or a reaction to a status. Minutes later we then exchange salutations. So why are we engaging in a text relationship? What is the end goal? Let's talk about the first cardinal sin of the Red Flag Series. À nous allez!
What do you call a texting relationship? A textationship. According to the Wiki dictionary, this term describes a relationship that's based on entirely texting and direct messages. You may bond with this person over text, share intimate details of your life, and even sext.
Now you see, as a writer, I'm a woman of many words, but as a performing artist, I love to see my audience. I want to see their facial expressions, I want to be applauded after a good performance, hell, a high five and hugs suffice. Where am I going with this? We like the validation of interest via text communication. It keeps things interesting and helps with shyness and the sort. But it needs to be backed up with a lot of physical interaction. In rhetoric, I ask, "Does this texting meet my top love languages?" No.
Quality time, words of affirmation, and physical affection are my top three of the five love languages. I connect with my senses touch, taste, smell, vision, and hearing. And yes this happens with face-to-face interactions. The question remains why are we continually entertaining texts that don't go any further? Why is he texting without stating his intentions?
These are the questions that I constantly ask myself. I regrettably have entertained clowns in my life. But I hope that by the end of this series, I will choose myself, and elevate to a king. Clowns will never be kings.
So what are the possible reasons that they text instead of putting effort into spending time, or creating a physical connection with you? Well, he's idealistic. As in, you seem to be a good idea, but in reality, you're not. He enjoys thinking and making you hope that being with you would be great. But he would rather not see you and spend time with you.
Ever noticed that guy who texts you when he's bored. Yes. There are those who are lonely for one reason or another so he scrolls down his contacts, and thinks, "Hmm. I know that she likes me and wants my attention. Let me text her and be entertained." Game recognizes game - we are both clowns. A la Casper the friendly ghost, he sporadically appears and disappears during the textationship. When he appears, it’s because he’s got nothing (or no one) else to keep him entertained. And when he disappears, he might have found someone more interesting. Or someone he actually likes and values.
Whilst discussing someone he values, he's got a girlfriend. Like a friend once told me - you have higher chances with a married man than with a guy who has a girlfriend. And never compete with the girlfriend that a guy loves. He tells you that she's out of the country or they are having a rocky patch. You delude yourself that you have a chance with him. Truth hurts and the truth is she's still in the picture. But that doesn't stop him from texting you. You're fun to flirt with over text, but it ends there.
And never compete with the girlfriend that a guy loves.
He’s simply stringing you along in case he needs you. And it's not a good need for you. He needs you as a filler girlfriend whilst he looks for the next 'one'. He needs you for sex. No strings attached! Yet he's playing puppet master. Texting you makes it easier for him not to put any effort into wooing or getting to know someone new.
Again, I ask, why are we in these textationships? Y'all know that they rob us of real relationships. It's not unrealistic to desire a physical connection. And by this I mean, an opportunity to hold hands, smell their perfume or scent or see their facial expressions. You want to hear their voice. Romantic relationships require real effort — especially when you are thinking about the long haul.
Effort means voice calls, in-person contact, eye-to-eye conversations, and dates. According to research, texting can create a great deal of anxiety. Texting hinders the creation of meaningful relationships with people. It also proves one's levels of being an asshole, particularly with blue ticks and taking a long time to respond without explanation. Not to mention the boredom warriors who go Beetlejuice on you.
However, texting can help with the slow burn. I see it as a form of an emotional condom - especially if you feel that you're way over your head. You can learn about your love interest without fear of going overboard. Besides, if he pisses you off, you can go cold turkey, and eventually delete his number. After that, with a clean slate, you can find a better suitor who aligns with your love languages and doesn't purposely trigger your traumas.
A textationship is a red flag when not accompanied by action, effort, and intention.
Now that we have this knowledge at our fingertips, it's time to revisit that contact list. My advice, stop being the ringmaster of the circus. Only channel the same amount of energy that you receive. If it's one-word answers then be as lazy as typing "K". If they text you as frequently as an antibiotic dosage, then reciprocate likewise.
The first step to change is admission...
... admit that we've been giving time to the wrong focus. Let's go to that quiet corner... scream, cry and realign.
Human connection is deepened by proximity and access to each other.
Here's to unlearning ...
... You are worth it!
A prochaine fois...
Cheers!
P.S.: Always write your own love story!
Ciaõ!
Lady E
Comments
Post a Comment