Skip to main content

The Red Season: Suitcase of I'm Sorry!

 "Check the sign at the door, You are no longer welcome here anymore, And take with you, your suitcase of 'I am sorry," Eloya Somaine.




There's nothing worse than wearing disappointment like a badge of honour. I'm not good with disappointments, even when I logically leave room to expect them. Yes, we are still here, but I'm slowly mentally exiting whatever "ship" that I've been on. You teach people how to treat you. I would like to be treated with integrity. 

You teach people how to treat you.

I'm not self-sabotaging parce que of my anxious-avoidant attachment style. I am cognizant of my shortcomings and insecurities. However, I am being guided by a relationship coach on how to manoeuvre through all this. I gave this male my being (time and space) because I really liked him. I was hoping for a mutual, reciprocal getting-to-know-each-other and relationship with him. But accepting being treated poorly doesn't reflect virtue, substance, or being a high-value woman. 

And sometimes in life we don't always get what we want. And that's okay. Take your 'L' with grace. 

I'm adult enough to take my 'L'. Yes, we ladies also take our 'L's when it comes to dating or relationships. Unless you've been validated, you have no entitlement. Remember, "You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you,"  Sipho Mbhele.

Bonjour mes amies! Comment allez vous? I'm honestly feeling low. Mariah Carey's "Breakdown" begins to play. Welcome back to the red season as we pick up where we left off with the red flags, texting, and breadcrumbing. The last article was brutal because we had to rethink our dating life or relationships. I myself realised that I am that fowl pecking at the trail of breadcrumbs only leading to my slaughter. But not anymore. (LeToya Luckett's "Not Anymore" starts to play.)




With a show of hands, how many of us single ladies are exhausted by insincere apologies? I raise both my hands. We aren't perfect, and to err is human, but how many times will "he" apologise and not repent? "How many times are you going to apologise for the same thing?" Kelly Rowland sings on "Bad Habits." Apologies are meant to be followed up with rectification. "I'm sorry" means that you acknowledge offending or hurting the next person. With this acknowledgement, you are now saying that I will not repeat the hurtful act or say the offensive words, and I will do better.
I myself realised that I am that fowl pecking at the trail of breadcrumbs only leading to my slaughter.

Beware of that person who just says, "I'm sorry," just to keep you from walking away from them. They know that they treat you poorly, and you might grant them grace with your patience. You call them out on their behaviour and set your standards so that you will not tolerate their bad behaviour. They might put more effort into communicating, give you more time, and even act like they are changing for the better. And then, just when you are flying in your hot air balloon, they will go right back to being an asshole. 

Today, we are sending back those suitcases of insincere apologies. I want us to meditate upon the pieces of poetry about those suitcases of "I'm sorry." "Sorry" from the 'sorry excuses of human beings' who project their own internal dissatisfaction in order to belittle your affection.
 
I think of the film adaptation of Ntozake Shange's "For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide/When the Rainbow Is Enuf." In particular, Lady Red's (played by Janet Jackson) poem as she confronts her husband. She says, "Save your "sorry." One thing I don't need are any more apologies. I got a sorry greeting at the front door. You can keep yours." 




For how long are we going to be aiding and abetting repeat offenders of the words, "I'm sorry?" 

And here's a piece titled "You Got Served" by yours truly. The mantra is intention, effort, and commitment. Apologies should be sincere and offered with change. I will apologise for my shortcomings and work on treating you better. I will work on ensuring that your thoughts and feelings are considered. I say sorry so that I can work on making our relationship work. We expect the same from others. So when we are fed up with the insincere apologies, bad treatment, and just being sick and tired, of being sick and tired - you serve the papers. I think that I'm now tired:

"Final Notice

Check the sign at the door.
You are no longer welcome here anymore, 
And take with you your suitcase of "I am sorry."
There is no space in my storage room.
A room that's filled with all the empty promises that you gave me
What I needed from you was a box of assorted "I love you," "I need you," and "You are beautiful."
Each form of affection melting in my mouth like toffee-flavoured chocolate.
I wanted alms left at the altar of my body as you entered me.
Instead of withdrawing my soul from me as if I were an ATM machine,
Right now, I have every right to unleash my wrath on you.
You should turn into stone in full view.
You have no access here anymore.
I changed the locks.
This is the final notice accompanied by an eviction letter.
I gave you too many chances to be better.
No more breaking into my heart with sweet nothings.
The alarm system can detect you good for nothing." - Eloya Somaine 

Breathe.

Again, you teach people how to treat you. 

Here's to unpacking suitcases...

... find your corner to cry, realign, and wear those heels as you strut out of situations that don't bring out the best in you.




A prochaine fois...

Cheers!

P.S.: Always write your own love story!


Ciao!


Lady E


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Single ladies: Wife material

MPV.....my point of view! Single Ladies: Wifen Material *Royal wave*Hey single ladies,your guide is back.The pursuit for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It is on.Today I would like to make you a get-a-ring-on-it lady. Now following my articles,'Single Ladies Part 3',where I talked about the prince searching for a 'real princess',or 'Queen';and 'Brown Sugar',where the word 'brown sugar' was defined as wifen material,I would like to talk about 'wifey material'.(Whether we are that). How do we single ladies get that ring-on-it,you ask?By being wifey material.My uncle keeps on telling me,'If you want to become Mrs X,you should be a wife.You are a wife before he puts a ring on it'.What he means is that,a man will treat you the way you portray yourself.How,you ask? Ever noticed the difference between a wife and a girlfriend.Now let me break it down for you.A girlfriend usually,takes life in a more leisurely way;unlike a wife,whose focus is mo...
Post a Comment
Read more

Like A Love Song

The best ever written love song isn't perfect but it works! 'I,I love you like a love song baby,I,I love you like a love song,babe.....',young Selena Gomez singing,and vocalising what we would all take love as...a LOVE song. The love song. Women can only dream about being loved the way Gerald Levert put it,'made to love you', or have 'this love' a la Donell Jones. And I'm not talking about the exaggerated 'catching of grenades','crossing oceans',drinking of lovers' bath waters.But a love that leaves one gasping for air as they try to breathe in,a love that gives one warm fuzzy feelings inside.A love that also stands the test of time,and conquers all. But is the impression we are given by love songs similar to real relationships?Would a man not want to be 'mad' like Ne-yo, or beg you to 'stay' like Tyrese? Some may agree,whilst others would be at the other end of the pole. In the mean time men might find Beyonc...
Post a Comment
Read more

Script My Life: The Kissing Booth 2

Wayment...there's a 'Kissing Booth 3'? I finally watched the highly anticipated sequel to the Netflix original, 'The Kissing Booth'. Picking up from where we left off, Noah is at Havard University, while Elle and Lee are high school seniors. Elle narrates the events that occurred during the summer break. She highlights her relationship with Noah, college application and Lee's relationship with Rachel. The cast remains the same with Joey King as Elle Evans, Joel Courtney as Lee Flynn and Jacob Elordi as Noah Flynn. In addition we have Molly Ringwald as Sarah Flynn, Meganne Young as Rachel, Taylor Zakhar Perez as Marco Penã, and Maisie Richardson-Sellers as Chloe Winthrop. Elle is adjusting to the idea of a long distance relationship with Noah. She becomes the third wheel in Lee and Rachel's relationship.The film starts with Elle narrating her time with Noah before he leaves for Harvard. Her senior year starts with her classmates gossiping how she and Noah wil...
Post a Comment
Read more

Just Another Monday!

 Looking at my nails and how I’ve made a meal out of them… I need a break! The past three weeks have been extremely exhausting to say the least. I decided to come to this platform to somewhat, somehow distress. Writing is often cathartic even to an absent audience. I’m just tired! Sections of my skin are eczematous and I even suffered a breakdown last week. God, I wish it were hormones but it’s just being overwhelmed.  I am tired – physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I have nothing to give. That empty jar that cannot pour out anymore. I’m sometimes emotionally numb…. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I keep absorbing the negativity from my timeline on social media. Unfortunately, it’s my job to be online. With my skills I have to work triple in curating and creating content. In short, I’m online all the time. But it’s depressing me. You know how baby boomers describe millennials…I’m that millennial! And with that said it makes it even more dif...
Post a Comment
Read more

The Muse

He is my muse... ... and in the myriad of things, I once was his. Today can I be philosophical and slightly deep? Hello single ladies, Beyoncé wave! How have we been? I am decent. Honestly, there's a lot on my plate but somewhere, somehow I've got to suck it up. Come round with your wine glasses. Don't worry, I'm not in my feelings. Summarizing the week's new music releases, I went through John Legend's 'Wild' music video. As we know. John's wife Crissy is pregnant again. Boy has corona caused a baby boom! Every week there are pregnancy announcements on the timeline. Some of us, are feeling some type of way...baby fever, right? Well, not me, but the baby-making process, hell yeah! Wink! I digress, low key, I have been envious of John and Crissy's relationship. The man literally writes songs about and for his wife. I remember my uncle's wedding (let's remember, the only uncle whom I speak of endlessly). He and his wife danced to Mario...
Post a Comment
Read more