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Take Care

“I know that you’ve been hurt, by someone else
I can tell by the way, you carry yourself
But if you let me, here’s what I’ll do
I’ll take care of you.”-Take Care, Drake featuring Rihanna

So in the episode 9 of season 3 of ‘2 Broke Girls’ Max tries to get into pastry school after Caroline finds out that she had interest in being a pastry chef through a brochure found under Max’s mattress. Max is assigned to make a tart as a form of ‘interview’ and the head chef, Nicolas approves of the tart however Max receives a letter of regret saying that she didn’t get into the pastry school. Max decides to confront the chef who tells her that it was her attitude that he had a problem with and not her tart. According to Chef Nicolas, “You seemed like you didn’t want it,” and then Max replies, “I act like I don’t want it because I have never gotten what I wanted!” There, right there is where I related to Max, the part of life (and people) rejecting you to the point that you become indifferent to things which often is perceived by society and at times the universe as having ‘attitude’.

How many of you have received the constant disappointment of never getting what you want no matter how much you study, work hard, keep a good moral compass or even pray and have faith? Is there anybody out here who has had it hard? Like even if you grew up rich, went to private schools, or you were orphaned at a young age and everything was as good as it gets? Somehow, someway when you think about that part of your life, or that job that you didn’t get last week, or that person who broke up with you just a year ago, you feel that aching, rejection. For some, they can sweep it under the rug for others it becomes a debilitating thing that becomes part of their personality.

The issue of rejection and attitudes was the same subject of the Sunday message at church while I had been working on writing this article. With a heavy feeling of being overwhelmed, physically tired and just pretty much out of it, the pastor was sharing about rejection, the signs of a rejected individual and how to deal with it from a spiritual perspective. I bawled during the message because I was feeling like Max but that’s church for you, some messages hit you hard to conviction or they feel like that unwanted therapy session where you dig deep down the root cause of your current problems.

When I worked on the title ‘Take Care’ from Drake’s album title single, I was actually about to share about the notion of people with ‘attitude’. This one time, my mentor said that I had an ‘attitude’, more of a brick wall, that made it hard for people to go through and I tend to be oversensitive making it hard for anybody to be honest with me. I do admit that I am sensitive but I would rather have the truth told and be hurt than to be told lies which will eventually unveil themselves or to be not told at all. Believe me it does not make you any less of a jerk if you don’t tell a ‘sensitive’ person the truth, if not they will be even more mad, so spare the nonsense about how the person is a ‘hot head’ or ‘they will cry’ if you express exactly how you feel or think about them or a situation involving them.

Question, when was the last time that you heard the words,” I’ll take care of you”, or “I’m here for you”, and that person saying it meant it? I don’t remember either, why? Because we live in a selfish society with other rejected individuals who are so self-absorbed in their own issues and pain that they won’t reach out to others. It’s hard not to have an ‘attitude’ when time and time again so many promises have been broken, or a simple task is not done on time, or nobody tells you the truth instead they string you along instead of allowing you to move on (selfish prick!). I absolutely do not blame people with so-called ‘attitudes’; defense mechanisms are a way of survival, the last time that I checked in my psychology books-isn’t there a saying that, “Life is about survival about the fittest”. So perfectionism, being a workaholic, being a lone ranger, aggressiveness, depression, over achieving, OCD are some symptoms or reactions to rejection but society never teaches any one of us on how to react to rejection if not there’s a lot of dust under those rugs and most of us create ‘Iron Man’ suits because it’s the best way to protect oneself.

But what my mentor did say, “Beneath the ‘argh’ (aggressiveness, attitude), I see a sophisticated, beautiful, gentle woman who loves with her all and just needs a vessel that will receive what she pours out. Sometimes you have let your guard down and let people in. Not everyone has a vendetta to hurt you, bring you down or use you. Some see what I see and want to help you reach your full potential and also love you.” Thank God for mentors! He was right and like the sermon, we can’t dwell on the rejection and we need to find better ways to deal with that rejection, like the story that the pastor shared about Joseph in the Bible who is an excellent example of ‘not fitting in’, receiving the short end of the stick by being accused of rape as well as being thrown into jail and even helping interpret the dreams of fellow cellmates, only to have the freed one forget about him for years.  But Joseph was elevated, his gifts took him from the cell to a position of power that not only saved one nation but helped the same family that rejected him.

I always believe that the rejected ones are often the special ones, the real ‘Josephs’ of their families, clans, social circles and even nations. Upon research, I have discovered that most of the world’s most successful individuals were at one time outcasts, rejected, told that they weren’t good enough but they are the history makers, they are the trendsetters and they’re the beloved and celebrated ones. Like Joseph’s story in the bible that’s a victorious story about rejection and there are even more from our favourite celebrities and role models ask Oprah or Lauryn Hill who was told that she couldn’t sing in school only to have one of the best albums of our times and many unsung heroes of rejection that turned into victory. But to be honest, we are only human; it’s easier said than done. We all need just one person who will lift the load or at least help lessen it. I once told a colleague that I am not super woman; I just have to do everything even at times when it’s clearly not perfect because I want more for myself, I want to live a life where I am satisfied that I can take care of myself (and my child) even when the world turns its back on me, I want to start something and finish it and achieve something fruitful from it, but you know what ,of all I would love for the burden of the load to be lifted of me.

In the past two years, there have been people even for a season who have showed me that it’s possible. They have taken a bit of my load and have said that I will help you with this; I will take care of this, here’s a dollar, go and make something of it. In turn I have let my guard down, I have been able to reveal a soft, feminine and nurturing side to me that can allow a man to take the lead, I have also been able then to give more of myself and help elevate others-but only because there was no rejection even though maybe at first some of the individuals felt an intimidation from my personality or ‘attitude’. I have also learnt to accept those with attitudes and teach them by my own example that not everyone rejects them.

So Max storms out regretting that she wanted to be in pastry school because she couldn’t afford the tuition, Caroline offers to work at the school in exchange to help to pay for the tuition for Max. Caroline manages to get a work-study arrangement hence helping Max get into pastry school. In the next episode, the team from the diner get Max a book bag, a metro card, a pencil case and a chef’s jacket, proving that when you have a few people who believe in you and get out of their way for you, ‘attitudes’ may be changed. Most of us know that ‘no man is an island’ and we all need somebody to ‘take care’ of us to help to ease the load and pressures of life. Caroline went out of her way to give her best friend a chance at having something good in her life, it took Chef Nicolas to have Max realise why she has the ‘attitude’ and how to deal with it.

“But if you let me, here’s what I’ll do
I’ll take care of you
I’ve love and I have lost.”

‘When you can relate, you can elevate.’

I personally don’t want to do everything, I would love to delegate duties to qualified individuals whilst I do what I am very good at, I would love to meet a partner who can take the lead whilst I bask in my femininity, I would love to come home and put my feet up whilst catching up with my daughter about her day accompanied by a cup of hot cocoa or ginseng, I would love to have supportive friends who go out of their way in the same manner that I have gone to hell and back for them (and I would do it in the blink of an eye) and I would want to be the one who says, ‘I’ll take care of you’ with honesty, sincerity and with the ability to deliver.

One thing we all need to do is to refuse to accept rejection and let it cripple us in esteem, trust and faith in self, some good people and in the universe because ‘some of us were not meant to fit in but to stand out,’ so accepting self leads to breakthrough and elevation even when nobody else sees it.

“…Now here’s what I’ll do, I’ll take care of you!”

P.S. Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E

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