We Aren't that Couple!

We are perfectly imperfect!

Bonjour mes armies, comment ça va? Je vais trés bien merci! Bring your glasses of your favourite poison and let's chat. We are drawing close to that time of the year. I wouldn't let us leave this profound year without a few lessons. It's story time.

 

It's taken time—actually, years—for he and I to come to this place. We haven't always seen eye-to-eye, yet we find ourselves here. It's actually insane! But time does help with self-discovery. For me, the healing process has put things into perspective. I'm not yet there, but I'm becoming her, and he's willing to see me through it. 

What I love about he and I is simply the fact that we aren't that couple. You know those who have to constantly update their Gram or WhatsApp status to validate the strength of their union? Before you come for me, it's "cute," and yes, you and your person should declare your affection for each other. I'm just from the school of thought of healthy boundaries. With us, we are at times boring in our perception of #couplegoals. Behind the scenes, though, beige isn't our colour. If anything, perhaps crimson, and at times yellow as the sun. There's a level of adventure, creativity, and excitement. I don't know about him, but he definitely keeps me on my toes. I'm challenged to be that Aretha Franklin: "You make me feel like a natural woman." Only he can describe how I Michael Jackson "make him feel." All I know is that there will never be a dull day between us. 

I love me some him.

I love how his mind works. His ability to articulate himself without caring about what the next person thinks. Of course, he needs to be more open to third opinions. I'm both challenged and inspired during our conversations. While I'm a talker and a show-off, I learn a lot from him. I don't believe that there's anything non-generic about either of us. We are two ordinary people with different life stories who have chosen to embark on a journey together. We laid our cards on the table, no bullshit. And here we are!

We are just not that couple.

Thank God that none of us are on that Speedy Gonzalez to rush to the altar. Don't get me wrong; it is an intentional, committed relationship. We are committed to the "vision." He is truly the Barack to my Michelle. Again, I love me some him.

 

I came here to share the strange formula for this. It's just about steering clear of rose-coloured glasses. Actually living in reality and not La La Land. What you look for in your "ideal" isn't a checklist from romantic comedies. It's not a soap opera or telenovela—there are no happy endings or love without consequences. You need to go into your intended relationship acknowledging the other person. Your thoughts, actions, and words affect your person. Understanding and revealing your attachment styles and love languages enables better communication. It also helps with expressions of love - relating, loving and being loved correctly. It's okay to go to therapy on a personal or couple basis. The question is, are we in this together? 

Disagreements and fights aren't about winning a WWE belt. They are the microscopes into those things, and if left unattended to, they will destroy what was actually meant to be. I don't believe in fate, but in the hand of God, yes. But even the man above doesn't force situations. That word "will" means that we are offered a choice. And when you choose, keep the other person in mind. Ask yourself, "Am I ready for this person? Am I willing to give myself to this person? Do I accept what this person has to offer, or brings to the table? Do I choose this person?"

Ask yourself, "Am I ready for this person? Am I willing to give myself to this person? Do I accept what this person has to offer, or brings to the table? Do I choose this person?"

 

In our separate journeys, we chose healing and self-improvement. I never wanted him to change—not for me. Change should be a choice that stems from self awareness. Nobody is a lab project to test out and modify. If you find yourself trying to change your partner, they were never meant for you. That's the purpose of the word 'compatibility.' And 'compromise'. I love me some him because I have never  like I needed to change him. Although he could become a better human being, I didn't impose those expectations because I didn't want to be changed either. But he did change — for the better and to become more mature. Not because of me or for me, but because of his own will. I also changed - for the better, and I'm a continuous work in progress. I'm proud of the woman I'm becoming. He wants more out of life. I want the same. 

If you find yourself trying to change your partner- they were never meant for you

Do you know why Ne-Yo's "Make It Work" or John Legend's "Ordinary People" are my relationship songs? It's because they are the most realistic depictions of relationships. In "Make it Work," Ne-Yo sings, "Sometimes I love you more than you will ever know. Other times you get on my nerves." He continues, "That's just reality. You know that it can't always be kisses, hugs, and beautiful words." I will give you a dollar for that one person whom you never get annoyed by. Someone whom you claim to love I'll be waiting. The truth is, healthy relationships will experience the downsides of familiarity, spending too much time together, and, of course, differences. When we acknowledge that we often evolve not only by age but by experiences too, we can reach a resolution. Always prepare yourself for the evolution of yourself, your person, and the relationship. And I always appreciate the lessons and experiences that come with those changes. 

Always prepare yourself for the evolution of yourself, your person and the relationship.

Will we ever make our relationship Instagram official? Hell yeah! But in our own time! No pressure! Don't expect us to go live or write cryptic messages when sh*t hits the fan. We understand the word "boundaries." In growing up, we have also learned that we can mind our own business. None of us are out here telling friends, family, or colleagues about our business. I learned that while family and friends might love you, their opinions aren't always in your best interest. I stay away from my inner circle's "relationships." I'm actually happier and more peaceful because I mind my own business. You should try it too; it's very healthy and zen. 

 

I am going through the motions of the world: COVID-19, recession, and the in-between. But I'm content and in-love. And I'm glad this is happening now, after all these years. We are romantic, but we aren't that couple! We are mature, but we aren't that couple! We are modern, metropolitan Africans, but we aren't a couple! We are two individuals who get along and are on the same page about the story that we want to write. He and I agreed to head to the same destination. 

Let's see how that journey goes.

Here's to appreciating you and yours!

A prochaine fois...

Shave those legs, tone those thighs, exfoliate that skin and keep on 'Becoming'...

...the person you would love to spend the rest of your life with!

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao! 

Lady E