Just Another Monday!

Looking at my nails and how I’ve made a meal out of them…

I need a break! The past three weeks have been extremely exhausting to say the least. I decided to come to this platform to somewhat, somehow distress. Writing is often cathartic even to an absent audience. I’m just tired! Sections of my skin are eczematous and I even suffered a breakdown last week. God, I wish it were hormones but it’s just being overwhelmed.

I am tired – physically, financially, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.

I have nothing to give. That empty jar that cannot pour out anymore. I’m sometimes emotionally numb…. I just want to sleep and never wake up. I keep absorbing the negativity from my timeline on social media. Unfortunately, it’s my job to be online. With my skills I have to work triple in curating and creating content. In short, I’m online all the time. But it’s depressing me. You know how baby boomers describe millennials…I’m that millennial! And with that said it makes it even more difficult to open up.

Every time I want to vent, I’m thinking that the next person will state that I have nice life problems. And maybe I do, shrugs shoulders. In the shoes that I’m walking in, I’m experiencing a lot of unhealthy environments on a lot of fronts. I’m in no position to walk away. There are prospects of greener pastures in both the metaphorical and literal sense.

I’m just tired. Sigh!

I promised myself that I would use this platform to uplift and empower. Less focus on me and more on the world around me. Honestly, I really don’t know what I’m doing. I look like what I feel inside. Over the weekend I was looking at a certain colleague. Though I’m older than her, I felt a great intimidation. She’s this glamorous person who’s likeable. She’s getting ahead in her career and becoming better. Her glow up has been remarkable. She’s almost everything that I told myself that I would be once upon a time.

I reflected upon how so much has happened but most remains the same…I’m stuck!

Whether it’s my twelve-year-old self who lost father. Or my teenage self who didn’t fit in. My insecure young adult self. Or my current self whose environment is like a ticking time bomb. I’m aware of what’s happening, I frightened, at most hopeless. I’m failing to cope but I just keep functioning in robot mode. I’m an employee, a mother, I’ve got bills and that’s all – just get up and go. There’s an expectation to pull yourself together and keep moving. The world hasn’t stopped rotating because of the pandemic. If not, it’s the most proactive than it’s ever been in history.

So where do I off trying to get the luxury to slow down? Who the hell do I think I am? I should be grateful for where I am because it’s selfish to just want to breathe. Peace of mind is a privilege. And rest is for the dead.

Note to self.

Today was just another Monday! No breakthrough. A carryover of the previous week’s pressures and uncompleted tasks. Again, I’m just tired. Sigh.

Forgive me for not being the usual. I’m not sure what the hell I’m doing right now.

All I can say today is just another Monday…

Maybe tomorrow will be a better day!

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E

Comments

5 Inexpensive Dates in a Bad Economy

If he's making the economy an excuse, swipe left.... A guy who makes too many excuses whilst pursuing you is not worth your time. He will make excuses for not making time for you. More so, for not taking you on a date. A real man makes a plan...all the time! Yes, the economy is atrocious...a complete nightmare! Does that mean that humanity stops? Y'all, we have procreation to continue until the end of time. A season of a recession, shouldn't hinder dates, relationships and the whole nine yards that come with that package. Couples over centuries overcame obstacles such as family feuds, classism, racism, tribalism, religious differences etc. They all found a way around those challenges. Any guy who uses 'in this economy' as an excuse is dropped like a pin. Honestly, such an individual lacks ambition and creativity. I want the flowers, chocolate, and the date. Otherwise...skrrr! You will have to show innovation in your pursuit. If you can't be strategic w

The Red Season: Breadcrumbs of Love

No matter how broken you are, a meal of love is what you need. For the first time in a long time, I will admit on this platform, I will admit that I cried. I felt humiliated and hurt. Mariah Carey's "Cry" is playing in my head. I keep asking myself why am I this person? Why do I keep scraping for crumbs of love? Am I not enough? And following a recent disappointment, I reverted to a quote that I saw on a certain blog. "You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you," Sipho Mbhele. "You could have the best intentions, you could have the most sincere feelings, and you could be a good woman and you still wouldn't be able to keep a man because the only way to keep a man is if that man wants to be kept by you," Sipho Mbhele. Gosh, I'm tired of this circus. The fact

Script My Life: The Greatest Roles

Cheers to a new month, new season and more scripts... I really need new flicks to watch! I will admit that I haven't caught up with the late 2018 and early 2019 movies. But I know that after this blog post, y'all will hook me up. XOXO in advance! We are in the month of August! The second month in the second half of the year! A happy birthday to all the Leos and Virgos! Some of the greats were born this month including my beautiful daughter, Michael Jackson and Whitney Houston. August babies are strong willed and have leadership bred in them. They are just a forceful lot! In the Shona language, August is ' Nyamavhuvhu ' which loosely translated means 'windy'. August babies aren't gentle breezes, they are the tornados and hurricanes; but we love them still! The month itself on this side of the hemisphere is windy! But the wind comes to somewhat renew and pave way for the brief spring season (in Africa, of course!) Wrapping up July, and starting o

The Writings On The Wall

Thou shall move onto the next! And then 'If You Leave' by Destiny's Child and Next starts to play. Gosh, 'The Writings on the Wall' remains my favourite Destiny's Child album, ever. The concept of the '10 commandments' of relationships. Brilliant! Bonjour, mes amies! Comment ça va? Ça va bien! (Caribbean accent) Your gyal , moi , has been experiencing epiphanies. And a few disappointments, but life is too sweet to be upset. Lick your ice cream and have sweet red wine! I travelled through the blogosphere for inspiration for our topic today. Ironically, I also had a discussion with an acquaintance about a similar topic. There's nothing that I love more than people who brag about their intelligence. Oh, my! People pride themselves on their levels of education, often equating it to intelligence. We assess our value based on having degrees, master's degrees, and doctorates. If only those worked in relationships. I think of David Robson's 'W

Chocolate!

Oogling and drooling as I lust after the delicious,yummy chocolate abs of...gush...Trey Songz in a music video. My male friends look at me as if I'm some perverted male...maybe I am. Sadly as a woman such men are just a mirage in a desert full of pot bellied men.Yes,I said it!I believe I speak on behalf of my sisters,who have been termed 'overambitious',and having high standards in the looks department.We would love to see more abs and less flab. Why our brothers keep mount Everests of flesh I fail to understand.Worse still,men boobs that could hold shares in a dairy company. Who would blame me.I become a pervert because Usher's six-pack makes me want to eat of it,or I'm actually envious of Generations' Queen Moroka having 'Muscle man' Lungile,hold her in his arms.Yes,guilty as charged! What my brothers should understand is most women already have stuffed toys,a new addition in the form of a man is not adorable.A little working out w

MPV.....my point of view!

Search This Blog