There's no greater heartache than living life motherless.
I'm wondering when I will finally rejoice and sing, 'The Storm is Over.' I've never been a good liar, this has been a very rough season. Finding hope in hopelessness is hard. Friends are few in the darkest times, doors are closed, and you feel as if your prayers are hitting a brass heaven; instead of God's ears. Sigh!
Mothers day!
I love how the commercial buzz around this day prompts many to dig deep into their pockets to repay their mothers. It's not just hallmark cards, but bouquet of flowers, fancy brunch or lunch dates, the huge grocery hampers, and more. Mum, amai, mama, went through a lot to make you the person you are, so she deserves you to give her the world. As one popular entertainer said, she is the one, and probably only person, who will pray for you and your wellbeing from the depths of her heart. Mother's Day is a day to celebrate and honour the women who brought us into this world. It's a day to express our gratitude and love for the mothers who have nurtured and supported us throughout our lives.
I spent most of my day sharing sentimental messages with sisters, friends, maternal figures, and nieces. I couldn't help think of those people whom I know recently lost their own mothers. This time of year is bittersweet. As someone who lost my mother at the tender age of seven, I know all too well the ache of that irreplaceable absence. Even as I've grown into a mother myself, I've found that the void has never truly been filled. I've had to borrow the maternal guidance of others, but the longing for my own mother's embrace remains.
Now, as a mother, I often find myself grappling with the desire to be the perfect parent my child deserves. I believe I am trying my best, but sometimes I feel that my best just isn't enough. I catch glimpses of resentment in my child's eyes, and I can't help but wonder if she wishes she had a different, more capable mother. Amidst the struggle to make ends meet and find stable employment, the challenges of motherhood are currently overwhelming me.
I share these personal anecdotes not to elicit pity, but to shed light on the heartbreak that many mothers and motherless individuals face, especially during this celebratory time of year. The journey of motherhood is rarely a smooth one, and the added burdens of loss, financial strain, and self-doubt can make it feel like an endless uphill battle. Navigating through life without one's mother, no matter what age, feels like a young one of an animal, exposed to the dangers of becoming prey.
Statistics and psychological research paint a sobering picture of the profound impact that growing up without a mother can have on a child's development and well-being. The loss of a mother in childhood can have a profound impact on a child's development. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that children who lost their mothers before the age of 11 experienced higher levels of depression and anxiety in adulthood.
The absence of a mother can also lead to feelings of insecurity, abandonment, and low self-esteem. It can make it difficult for children to form healthy relationships and attachments in the future.
I know all too well the ache of not feeling a mother's love. I'm not ignoring the maternal figures who shared their input in my life the way the knew how, but your mother is your mother. And I have always been honest that relationships with females have posed as a challenge for me. My support system has been the men in my life - family members, friends, and acquaintances. I am the woman whom I am because of the men in my life - the good, bad, and the very flawed. There's a lot of unlearning to do for me to build healthy relationships with other women. I do want to have a positive female community where I feel loved, supported, and not criticised. Women who give guidance in maneuvering through life, relationships, motherhood, and spirituality.
Even for those who have had the privilege of growing up with a mother's love and guidance, the loss of that cherished figure in adulthood can be utterly devastating. Losing a mother in adulthood must be worse. Think about it - one has created more memories throughout the years, and their parent becomes a compass through lfe as an adult. Adult children often struggle to come to terms with the loss of their mother, as well as the loss of the support and guidance they provided.
The loss of a mother can also lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, especially if the mother was the primary caregiver. According to a 2019 survey by the National Center for Health Statistics, over 40% of adults over 60 report feeling lonely, with women being more likely to report feelings of isolation and loneliness.
I'm sending hugs to all those who lost their mothers as adults. I can never comprehend your pain, but I do know the void of not having 'mum' around.
There is another form of sorrow that I feel this Mother's Day. It's the struggles of motherhood, especially for women who aren't in places of privilege. There are those who are struggling to make ends meet. According to a 2021 report by the National Women's Law Center, the COVID-19 pandemic has caused a significant increase in the number of women who are unemployed, with women of colour being disproportionately affected.
Without access to adequate resources, guidance, and a supportive network, these mothers can find themselves overwhelmed and resentful, potentially impacting their ability to provide the nurturing environment their children deserve. I understand this struggle, and have found it difficult to emotionally pour into my child. If I'm not overworked so that there's provision, it is the constant worry about finances during dry seasons of unemployment.
Motherhood shouldn't be hard. Yes, I said it. There's no particular formula to this. I know that most parents make the most mistakes with their first-born child, but they improve as the family grows. But being a mother must be a joy rather than a task. A woman must enjoy pouring into her children without societal pressures of perfection. If she can provide the basics - to nurture, enforce structure, being a positive figure of femininity, being the source of joy and laughter in the home; then she's a fantastic mother. In addition, having a great support system would make motherhood a pleasant journey. Then we would have more well rounded, emotionally intelligent children who can form healthy attachments.
I don't have the power to influence a society, that cultivates greater empathy and understanding for the struggles that mothers, both present and absent, face. For those who live with the constant reminder of not having a mother, I can only encourage mapping your own way to fully grieving. Going through the grieving process with all the waves and motions that even include denial and anger, help one to come to a place of acceptance of the loss of your mother. It births new perspectives as well as hopefully an empathy to treat orphans, or motherless children with greater kindness.
We can also help to heal the wounds of those who have lost their mothers, by providing support and understanding during this difficult time. It is with hope that within our communities, the people around offer compassionate support, that can empower motherless individuals and struggling mothers with a sense of validation and community.
I'm waiting for God to raise my destiny helpers, and open those doors
Mother's Day can be a painful reminder of the struggles and challenges faced by those who have lost their mothers, or are struggling mothers themselves. Truth be told, it's not about just one day, or a weekend, but every single month, special occasion, and even the years that pass by. So while those with privileges celebrate, extend yourselves to check in on those who might not share the similar joy.
In the end, motherhood is a journey filled with love, sacrifice, and it can also be a source of joy and fulfillment. By acknowledging and addressing these challenges, we can help to make motherhood a more rewarding and empowering experience for all.
I need a hug.
I need help.
From where I stand, I walk in the shoes of missing my late mother, and experiencing motherhood with struggle...
...this too shall pass.
Motherhood is a profound and complex experience, intertwined with both the joys and the struggles of life. For those who have lost their mothers or are weathering the storms of motherhood themselves, this time of year can be a poignant reminder of the heartache that accompanies the journey. By acknowledging and honouring these stories, we can build a more compassionate world that supports and uplifts mothers, both present and absent, in their sacred role.
I'm wondering when I will finally rejoice and sing, 'The Storm is Over.' I've never been a good liar, this has been a very rough season. Finding hope in hopelessness is hard. Friends are few in the darkest times, doors are closed, and you feel as if your prayers are hitting a brass heaven; instead of God's ears. Sigh!
Mothers day!
I love how the commercial buzz around this day prompts many to dig deep into their pockets to repay their mothers. It's not just hallmark cards, but bouquet of flowers, fancy brunch or lunch dates, the huge grocery hampers, and more. Mum, amai, mama, went through a lot to make you the person you are, so she deserves you to give her the world. As one popular entertainer said, she is the one, and probably only person, who will pray for you and your wellbeing from the depths of her heart. Mother's Day is a day to celebrate and honour the women who brought us into this world. It's a day to express our gratitude and love for the mothers who have nurtured and supported us throughout our lives.
I spent most of my day sharing sentimental messages with sisters, friends, maternal figures, and nieces. I couldn't help think of those people whom I know recently lost their own mothers. This time of year is bittersweet. As someone who lost my mother at the tender age of seven, I know all too well the ache of that irreplaceable absence. Even as I've grown into a mother myself, I've found that the void has never truly been filled. I've had to borrow the maternal guidance of others, but the longing for my own mother's embrace remains.
A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity; it dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path. - Agatha Christie
Now, as a mother, I often find myself grappling with the desire to be the perfect parent my child deserves. I believe I am trying my best, but sometimes I feel that my best just isn't enough. I catch glimpses of resentment in my child's eyes, and I can't help but wonder if she wishes she had a different, more capable mother. Amidst the struggle to make ends meet and find stable employment, the challenges of motherhood are currently overwhelming me.
I share these personal anecdotes not to elicit pity, but to shed light on the heartbreak that many mothers and motherless individuals face, especially during this celebratory time of year. The journey of motherhood is rarely a smooth one, and the added burdens of loss, financial strain, and self-doubt can make it feel like an endless uphill battle. Navigating through life without one's mother, no matter what age, feels like a young one of an animal, exposed to the dangers of becoming prey.
Statistics and psychological research paint a sobering picture of the profound impact that growing up without a mother can have on a child's development and well-being. The loss of a mother in childhood can have a profound impact on a child's development. A 2014 study published in the Journal of Child Psychology and Psychiatry found that children who lost their mothers before the age of 11 experienced higher levels of depression and anxiety in adulthood.
The absence of a mother can also lead to feelings of insecurity, abandonment, and low self-esteem. It can make it difficult for children to form healthy relationships and attachments in the future.
I know all too well the ache of not feeling a mother's love. I'm not ignoring the maternal figures who shared their input in my life the way the knew how, but your mother is your mother. And I have always been honest that relationships with females have posed as a challenge for me. My support system has been the men in my life - family members, friends, and acquaintances. I am the woman whom I am because of the men in my life - the good, bad, and the very flawed. There's a lot of unlearning to do for me to build healthy relationships with other women. I do want to have a positive female community where I feel loved, supported, and not criticised. Women who give guidance in maneuvering through life, relationships, motherhood, and spirituality.
Even for those who have had the privilege of growing up with a mother's love and guidance, the loss of that cherished figure in adulthood can be utterly devastating. Losing a mother in adulthood must be worse. Think about it - one has created more memories throughout the years, and their parent becomes a compass through lfe as an adult. Adult children often struggle to come to terms with the loss of their mother, as well as the loss of the support and guidance they provided.
The loss of a mother can also lead to feelings of isolation and loneliness, especially if the mother was the primary caregiver. According to a 2019 survey by the National Center for Health Statistics, over 40% of adults over 60 report feeling lonely, with women being more likely to report feelings of isolation and loneliness.
I'm sending hugs to all those who lost their mothers as adults. I can never comprehend your pain, but I do know the void of not having 'mum' around.
There is another form of sorrow that I feel this Mother's Day. It's the struggles of motherhood, especially for women who aren't in places of privilege. There are those who are struggling to make ends meet. According to a 2021 report by the National Women's Law Center, the COVID-19 pandemic has caused a significant increase in the number of women who are unemployed, with women of colour being disproportionately affected.
Without access to adequate resources, guidance, and a supportive network, these mothers can find themselves overwhelmed and resentful, potentially impacting their ability to provide the nurturing environment their children deserve. I understand this struggle, and have found it difficult to emotionally pour into my child. If I'm not overworked so that there's provision, it is the constant worry about finances during dry seasons of unemployment.
Motherhood shouldn't be hard. Yes, I said it. There's no particular formula to this. I know that most parents make the most mistakes with their first-born child, but they improve as the family grows. But being a mother must be a joy rather than a task. A woman must enjoy pouring into her children without societal pressures of perfection. If she can provide the basics - to nurture, enforce structure, being a positive figure of femininity, being the source of joy and laughter in the home; then she's a fantastic mother. In addition, having a great support system would make motherhood a pleasant journey. Then we would have more well rounded, emotionally intelligent children who can form healthy attachments.
I don't have the power to influence a society, that cultivates greater empathy and understanding for the struggles that mothers, both present and absent, face. For those who live with the constant reminder of not having a mother, I can only encourage mapping your own way to fully grieving. Going through the grieving process with all the waves and motions that even include denial and anger, help one to come to a place of acceptance of the loss of your mother. It births new perspectives as well as hopefully an empathy to treat orphans, or motherless children with greater kindness.
We can also help to heal the wounds of those who have lost their mothers, by providing support and understanding during this difficult time. It is with hope that within our communities, the people around offer compassionate support, that can empower motherless individuals and struggling mothers with a sense of validation and community.
I'm waiting for God to raise my destiny helpers, and open those doors
Mother's Day can be a painful reminder of the struggles and challenges faced by those who have lost their mothers, or are struggling mothers themselves. Truth be told, it's not about just one day, or a weekend, but every single month, special occasion, and even the years that pass by. So while those with privileges celebrate, extend yourselves to check in on those who might not share the similar joy.
In the end, motherhood is a journey filled with love, sacrifice, and it can also be a source of joy and fulfillment. By acknowledging and addressing these challenges, we can help to make motherhood a more rewarding and empowering experience for all.
I need a hug.
I need help.
From where I stand, I walk in the shoes of missing my late mother, and experiencing motherhood with struggle...
...this too shall pass.
Motherhood is a choice you make every day, to put someone else's happiness and well-being ahead of your own, to teach the hard lessons, to do the right thing even when you're not sure what the right thing is...and to forgive yourself over and over again for doing everything wrong." - Donna Ball
Motherhood is a profound and complex experience, intertwined with both the joys and the struggles of life. For those who have lost their mothers or are weathering the storms of motherhood themselves, this time of year can be a poignant reminder of the heartache that accompanies the journey. By acknowledging and honouring these stories, we can build a more compassionate world that supports and uplifts mothers, both present and absent, in their sacred role.
Let us embrace empathy, offer resources, and create a society that nurtures the resilience of mothers, ensuring that no one has to face the challenges of motherhood alone. We should also extend love to those who might never get to ever share those moments of seeing their mother smile, or thank her children with blessings.
This is the bitter pill of Mother's Day for those left behind and struggling mothers.
This is the bitter pill of Mother's Day for those left behind and struggling mothers.
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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