Skip to main content

I Dreamt of Him ... Again!

I dreamt of him again, and this time he broke my heart...

I Dreamt of Him ... Again!


....AGAIN! How does one have AM dreams at 10.29 pm? And so vivid, that you experience the intense emotions. Hello single ladies, how have you been? Well, it's story time, and we need to gather around for this. Bring your wine glasses with you.

I would like to begin with the sequel of the dream as it happened. We will revert to the first dream that I never shared with you on this platform later on. I went to bed early due to being riled up from my 9 to 5. In what felt like the longest hours of sleep, I had a dream. It started off at night, in a crowded space, something like a carnival or festival - lots of music and dance. He takes me by the hand, and we walk up to the front. At that moment the fireworks come on. An air of excitement can be felt from the crowd as the fireworks colourfully light up the sky. I'm smiling in awe of watching the sky. He then looks at me, draws me in, and kisses me.

Let's just pause there, now that I'm conscious, I do admit, I need to steer clear of television shows. Between watching 'Bigger', repeats of 'Insecure' and 'The Bold Type', my imagination is running a bit wild. All that happened clearly is a scene from some rom-com right? I digress. Let's continue. The scenery changes, and he's apologizing (again) for being a total prick. I let him know that he and I are in a good place. I forgave him a long time ago. He asks to start all over and get reacquainted. He would like to go on a date with me, with the possibility of a courtship. I amicably decline this request. I highlight that despite being in a good place, I didn't foresee a present, or future with him. As friends, or more than that. I also stated that I didn't want my heart broken, again, by him. He persists in his offer, stating that this time it's different because we are different.

Change scene. We are on a cruise ship. We are dressed in all white, for those 'all-white' parties. He and I dance, and then he asks to meet with me somewhere else. I wait for him for a long time and start to feel cold. I decide to return to the deck where the party is. As I arrive, he pulls a stunt that completely humiliates me. He passes a hurtful comment stating that I remain a naive woman, who doesn't realize that he wants nothing to do with me. Those around him laugh, and he turns away. My heart dropped, tears welled up, and I woke up. I took my phone and checked the time. It was 22:29 hours. What in the hell?

I still felt pain in my chest, and I actually did shed a tear. What just happened? I lay in bed and played the Calm app so as to try to fall asleep again. I shared the dream with my older colleague on our way to work. She asked if I don't have unresolved emotions. Quoi, Moi?! Unresolved emotions? Maybe.

Some months ago, in the wee hours of the morning, I had a dream. He approached me and smiled at me. He asked me if we could talk, and I agreed. He apologized to me for hurting me, and how he handled the 'situation'. I calmly stated that if his apology clears his conscience, then it is well. I forgave him a long time ago, and am at peace. He then starts chatting with me. Strangely, he and I are both laughing, and seem to be enjoying each other's company. And then I woke up. 

Ladies, let's talk about limerence. According to Dictionary.com, Limerence [ li-mer-uhns ] is a noun. It is defined as the state of being obsessively infatuated with someone, usually accompanied by delusions of or a desire for an intense romantic relationship with that person. In the article 'Un Poco Loco', I did share that there's a thin line between obsession and getting over someone. Most of us do go through what Ne-yo sang, 'I just wonder, do you ever think of me?' moments. With that, there's the occasional browsing through their social media timeline or enquiry about their well-being through mutual friends. Am I guilty of the above-mentioned - yes? 

What's been on my mind of late? Honestly, money, and getting my life together. My 9 to 5 already preoccupies my mental space to the detriment of my mental health (most times). So where are we having these 'ideas' of 'him?' Sitting here and talking to you, there's a realization that maybe not all is resolved. Consciously I do say that I'm in a good space, but maybe subconsciously there's a need for 'closure.' I have been made aware that I tend to sweep things under the rug, and pretend to be alright about things. How many of us are guilty of that.

The question is, do we call this current position 'limerence', or something else? How do we know that we are over someone or the idea of them? At what stage do we cease to entertain the thoughts of a 'what could be? Honestly, I don't have the answers. What I can say is that we need to deal with the subconscious. It's sort of difficult, however from my observation, that's the only way to unpack those suitcases.

I'm just thinking the worst-case scenario, you are with your current person, and you blurt out that other person, or your ex's name. I'm literally hiding my face. Damn these dreams! Sigh! 

Oh well! I'm glad to have that off my chest. I believe that the biggest lesson is self-awareness, especially when it comes to matters of the heart. It's great to be logical, but it is human to be moved by emotion. Fear, tears, and even pain are part of the journey of healing. Just don't allow 'limerence' to keep you stuck when there are beautiful things in front of you and ahead of you.

A prochaine fois...

Keep on 'Becoming' that person who's not afraid to be vulnerable as they grow.

P.S.: Always write your own love story!

Ciao!

Lady E


Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts

Single Ladies: Choc or Vanilla

All that talk about brown sugar yesterday,suddenly gave me a toothache, (Yeah, Dre, I heard you loud and clear!). Anyway,still on that subject of sweet things, ladies, chocolate, mocha or vanilla? As we pursue our quest for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It,I am placing another option for us, getting a man outside our own race. (If you are cocoa you go for latte  and vice versa). Bachelor number 3: The Foreigner. On set of a production that I am working on, one of the ladies, (mixed race), was telling me how she has never dated a black man. It actually got me thinking, maybe I too, should fish in foreign waters. Why not, I have always been considered a coconut. My sisters have been telling me (for the longest time), that maybe I should get me a white man, or of the Caucasian persuasion because I think that I have failed with black 'men', and maybe I should *thinking*. I love my chocolate, but I do love the scent of vanilla. What are the advantages of dating outside one's race? First ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Baa baa Black Sheep

‘Baa baa black sheep have you any wool? Yes sir, yes sir, three bags full One for the master, One for the dame, One for the little boy who lives down the lane.”-Baa baa Black Sheep, Nursery Rhyme Oh how I loved nursery school! Learning was so much fun and colourful as the teachers taught using music, visuals and lots of play and let’s not forget nap time! Gosh! (I stare into a blank space with so much nostalgia). Hmm, question! Is there more to life than trying to constantly fit into other people’s moulds? Are my imperfections so great that those around are blinded to the planks to the planks in their own eyes? Or maybe I am just not appropriately in the right place? At one point or another, we all have faced identity issues, or have suffered from the ‘I don’t fit in’ syndrome. The worst time is the puberty-adolescent period. As an individual, one tries to live up to expectations from parents, teachers, peers and society at large. During that same period, an ...
Post a Comment
Read more

3 Things Learnt In January Via www.com

Bienvenue à la nouvelle année! To all those who survived the month of January, its infamous ‘disease’, and all that comes with a New Year, I salute you all as you fought bravely and now we begin the month of February, which is a new month, meaning new beginnings. So there’s a common saying that goes, ’How you start is how you finish’ and to add onto that statement, the pastor at the church that I attend often says, ‘How you leave is how you enter’, so pertaining to the year 2017, what’s the forecast? Well, for those who managed to utilise the unlimited Wi-Fi data provided by Zol during their holiday promotion or just use regular mobile data (well, after the slight ‘disruption’ due to data increases), managed to keep their fingers on the pulse of the streets of the World Wide Web, and they definitely can map out 2017’s direction. Actually the month of January made me realise that the acronym ‘IRL’ (in real life) should probably cease to exist in the urban dictionary because when you t...
Post a Comment
Read more

Issue Of Trust

Life isn't science that's why there are no formulas... Yet we expect everyone to go through life like the copies of the same textbook. It's easy to condemn someone for not having their act together. Often when you expect very little from specific individuals, you persecute them. As I write this blog, there are thousands of people going through tough times and bound in silence. Someone right now just lost their job, another person is now homeless with an overdue rent debt. Schools are about to open and coming up with school fees is proving to be an immense challenge. I've been open about my current life situation - it's been hard. I remember bumping into a former colleague in a supermarket. We had a brief catch up a session; she was doing well; I wasn't. With pain in my voice, I mentioned that it's been hard, not to mention that I looked like crap. But I don't think she cared, we were never friends like that. But today I reached out to one of ...
Post a Comment
Read more

Single Ladies: The Metrosexual

*Riding on a black horse* (I wish).* Beyoncé  wave* 'Hey single ladies!'. For a lady on a quest, the horse would have been ideal,right? Anyway ,how have y'all been? I hope the lessons that we are going through are helping us build character. (Wifen material). Today we have yet another bachelor under our radar. So we have so far, gone through our potential Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It who has been bachelor; the widower, the divorcee, the foreigner, the boy and last but not least, the single dad. Not so bad ladies. Now bachelor number six is,the metrosexual. Now why should we place such a man on our panel,you ask? Well,he is my personal favourite *wink*. The anatomy of a metrosexual. By definition a metrosexual is an urban man with a disposable income who spends a lot on his appearances. In other words, a guy's guy who is in touch with his inner pink. Now why would a metrosexual be a good candidate for Mr Put-A-Ring-On-It? He is not. Most metrosexual men, if not gay, or...
Post a Comment
Read more