I never thought that I would find myself at this place again. Over the past few years, I learnt the word ‘No’ and embraced my power to reject mediocrity. Be it work, life and even romantic relationships. Sigh! I recently found myself breaking almost every rule of every self-help book that I’ve read. Reading is supposed to empower you with knowledge and also help you with making better life choices! Anyway, I recently had to break it off with some guy because of ‘incorrect assumptions’, when will I ever learn?
"In my own rule book,
CONSISTENCY is very important."
In my own rule book, CONSISTENCY is very important. The moment that there is lack of consistency during the dating period or in a relationship it’s, “Off with his head” (In the voice of the queen of hearts). Sic! But what started off well, ended up like the familiar script that I have writing about for a long time. As Whitney Houston and Deborah Cox sang, “Same Script, different cast” but I hope to change the narrative as soon as I learn my lesson. I won’t lie the other day when I saw him after a whole week, it was so cold like Siberia. You could feel the tension tighten the mood in the room like a hangman’s noose.
I really liked this guy…like really liked him. A typical Sagittarian – rebellious, exciting and free spirited, I felt drawn to him. But the attraction wasn’t immediate. His persistence and consistency then attracted me to him. Intuitively, I knew that he and I were not compatible to say the least, because my attraction to him wasn’t instant. Yet somehow, he was my ‘type’…the egotistic, asshole! Now we all know that these have been the types that I have been avoiding for the past few years. I have made a conscious decision to pick the ‘nice’ guy, who’s often awkward and shy yet relationship types. It hasn’t always worked in my favour but at least I have tried to make better choices.
Well, the ‘poor’ choice with this one, was that a part of me, starving for some attention and perhaps intimacy began to believe in his advances. Ever had someone not take ‘No’ for an answer? Well, at first it was the most annoying thing but somewhat it became endearing. Look if a guy pursues you for a long time, despite you swerving him, he might be worth the ‘try’.
Oh well, recently what seemed like a river flowing in the right direction started to have rocks blocking the way. There was no longer consistency in communication, time spent together and even affection. It was time to cut the umbilical cord, but the decision wasn’t easy. Part of me thought that maybe I was being immature and hasty, but the other part, would not tolerate excuses and disrespect. What many of us are afraid of, is choosing to be alone. We crave companionship so much that we will take, scrapes of attention and crumbs of love. We have a, ‘as long as I have someone’ attitude and suffer internally. But Nina Simone said, “You've got to learn to leave the table when love's no longer served,” a friend of mine, expanded the statement, “…when love is no longer served the way you want it.”
You've got to learn to leave the table
When love's no longer being served.
― Nina Simone
It wasn’t love, however, one cannot put fuel in a car that’s heading nowhere. The red flags were signalling and while he pretended that his excuses were legitimate, I knew that it was déjà vu. But here’s the deal, I did not blame him for his inconsistencies, I took responsibility that I accepted such bull shit. To be honest, even the feeling of liking someone and then breaking it off, just hurts as bad as an invested relationship.
In this day and age, companionship is like a jungle and technology makes it even harder. It now changes what one defines as 'deal breakers' and 'standards'. If you text then be consistent with the texts but a relationship isn't based on texts. Texts are part of the package, the effort and consistency should be put more in time spent together. The individual with intentions to be with you or your partner should prove that despite their 'busy' schedule, you are a priority. Poltergeist behaviour in the first few days or weeks, is a red flag,...that's a "Deuces!"
What I refuse to do and even encourage is the victim stance. I have taken responsibility for my misguided choice. I acknowledge that I already knew that there was a lukewarm vibe yet I still gave it a 'try'. Trying isn't a bad thing because you never know, but there's need for wisdom. The take from yet another 'poor' choice is to make better choices, with wisdom.
The take from yet another 'poor' choice is to make better choices, with wisdom.
It takes a lot to like someone like that, so while we can hide under the guise of nonchalant attitudes, it hurts. Like a heartbreak, there is the grieving process but once it's done, an epiphany comes! What the hell was I thinking?
But in the meantime...
There's that little ache, that hurts like a mother f***er!
P.S. : Always write your own love story.
Lady E
Ciao!
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