“This visage, no mere veneer of vanity, is a vestige of the vox populi, now vacant, vanished. However, this valorous visitation of a by-gone vexation stands vivified and has vowed to vanquish these venal and virulent vermin vanguarding vice and vouchsafing the violently vicious and voracious violation of volition.”-V for Vendetta, 2005
I must say those are a lot of ‘V’s in one speech but for all those who have watched the very theatrical and eye opening movie (if you know where I am taking this), ‘V for Vendetta’, then this is actually a favourite quote for many from the flick. (Laughing) I remember a certain young man, who had a huge crush on me, throw those ‘bars’ on me, along with his witty humour and a lot of rather dark poetry but he was adorable. And cute!
This one day I was sitting in the office, my mind wandering into the wilderness only to get me to the point of getting mad, I mean seething with anger. In a soliloquy I said, “How dare he? Who the hell does he think he is? How dare I let myself be hurt and humiliated by a man nearly his 40s, still living in his father’s house, a glorified ‘has been’ who doesn’t even know how to pronounce Italian cheese? Although there’s a Shona proverb that says, ‘Matakadya kare haanyaradze mwana’ (The past doesn’t silence the hungry child), but I am a diplomat’s (former) daughter, refined, I dined with world leaders and influencers, lived in a house with a marble floor and glass chandeliers and even had an Indian chauffer…bloody hell, I am erudite!” At that moment everybody else around me stared at me with perplexed faces, “Are you going mad?” Well au contraire, I wasn’t going mad but I was mad. Real mad! I was mad at him for not taking responsibility for stringing me along knowing that he wasn’t on the same page of wanting a ‘commitment’ as I was on and even madder at myself for allowing him to condescend how I felt about him and the ‘situationship’.
My single ladies, forget everything that I have shared about money and relationships in the past and listen to me very carefully, “If he likes it…wants it…then you put a ‘V’ on it!”. Don’t even look at me like that; if you have been one of those women who have shamelessly name called any woman who exchanges her body and her time for material things, then we are hypocrites. When I reflected on the amount of time, energy and emotion, actually airtime that I spent to be ‘Mrs X’ and that wasn’t reciprocated in time, affection, attention, kana sweet zvayo, believe me I will never judge any woman who’s getting hers for that. In as much as we learn to cook, clean and be pretty somewhere we need to learn to be ‘housekeepers’, ‘We keep the house if he decides to be a douchebag’, and this quote taken from the esteemed actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, ‘I’m a very good housekeeper. I keep the house after the divorce.’ Oh, she didn’t just say that you say? Oh, yes I did!
There’s nothing worse than being used, or having your heart broken by someone who has not added any value to your life, not even to the last penny. It is said that money (and material things) can’t buy happiness but believe me and Dave Chapelle, it does afford you choices and when you think of all the time of ‘devotion’ that you gave only for it to be thrown back at your face, why not afford yourself choices such as pursuing that engineering degree that you always wanted but couldn’t pursue because you were a stay-at-home mum, or that trip to Zanzibar or Bali because he was always busy or for the time that he beat you up, you reward yourself with bling knuckle rings, (smile), they are worth it!
In one of my favourite quotes by former US first lady, Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” I admittedly take my responsibility for consenting to being short changed, manipulated and of course heart broken. In Steve Harvey’s famous relationship go-to book, ‘Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man’ there’s a chapter where Steve discusses about how men distinguish between the marrying types and the playthings highlighting that a man will treat you the way that you present yourself. My mistake was when I met him; I decided to present a fun-loving, laid-back, go with the flow type of a girl rather than a wholesome woman who needed a protector, a provider, a partner, in short, a husband. I had just turned 25, I had just got my first job since I had my child and had been a stay at home for almost four years, I had goals on my vision board that included starting my own business, studying International Affairs and psychology, being an editor at a prestigious magazine and of course getting married with a list of boxes of qualities to tick. I had been single from the time that I found out I was pregnant and after giving birth I focused my energy entirely on learning to be a good mother, domesticating myself and reconnecting with my spiritual life, in other words I was out of the dating game and was completely clueless. So when I met him through a misguided ‘hook-up’ by so-called friends, I absolutely believed that I had found ‘the One’ but I did not want to seem ‘desperate’ so I played the ‘cool girl’ card-no expectations, just having fun, seeing where things lead, (now when I reflect I wish that I had watched ‘Gone Girl’, then I would not have stooped so low).
So back to the point of realisation whilst I was incensed, I made up my mind that I could not change the past that I regret but I could learn a thing or two from the women, girls, females, who put a ‘V’ on it. There is no female who has one made of platinum (but if you do find her and the fine, rare piece of specimen please do give me a call), but there’s a ‘V’ that she gives it. She raises her standards to ridiculous proportions yet there’s always someone who would do anything to keep her happy. The smart one invests in making sure that there’s a piece of property with deeds in her name, so that when the chips are down her children can have a roof over their head, another will create a business along with the networks that can ‘preserve’ her when things hit the fan and then there’s the one who will make sure that she’s adorned to the tee so that one day like Eva Longoria, she can charm a billionaire (and marry him) when Mr ‘I have my thousands’, or Mr ‘I am a public figure’ or ‘Person of influence’ thinks he can do better than her, (So Tony Parker what do you think about Eva’s new boo thang, and she has a fashion line on top of that?).
I then went home, looked myself in the mirror and said, ‘Me amore, you are intelligent, talented, a rare beauty, loving, passionate and you can have anything in the world,’ and that is the point that I refused to settle for less or accept hand-me downs. I refuse to be wooed like a child, I am a grown woman and demand my respect, if you don’t ask to take me on a decent date don’t ever assume that constant Whatsapp messages with nonsensical sweet nothings and emojis validate a relationship with me. The ‘V’ on it, is the value that you place on your whole being-that’s your time, your affection, your attention, your body and what you are willing to sacrifice. ‘V your V by putting a value on your V because when you V your V then the next person has to V it too, otherwise when you don’t put a V on it you will become a venomous viper.’ Got it! (Gosh, that’s such a stupid quote*laughs*) Putting a ‘V’ on it is not about a list of demands as if you are ordering at a restaurant but getting to the point of being responsible for yourself before you want to hand over those responsibilities to the next person as well as being responsible for them, it is self-love, a genuine love that is not out to prove anything to anybody, it’s about being at peace with your shortcomings however embracing what you are really great at and it’s about having standards. Standards means how you want to be perceived and treated, standards are about not camouflaging yourself for acceptance but instead assertively laying your cards on the table and standards means seeing yourself as the most important person in your life, the one that you cannot live without…ever!
I will not judge anyone who adds their value with material things or money, if that’s what works with your standards, good for you no matter if society then judges by calling it prostitution or gold digging. My point is to bring out the inner goddess in oneself who when others, men see her they come correct and do right by her. Am I still mad like at that moment? No. These days I am like Angela Bassett’s character in ‘How Stella Got Her Groove On’, I have got my groove back, although I am preoccupied with building myself and making money, I am assertive and intuitive, and I now understand my worth with acknowledgement of what I desire most.
So ladies, before you want him to like it and put-a-ring-on-it, you should love it and put a ‘V’ on it because that’s the best jewel that you could give to yourself!
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
I must say those are a lot of ‘V’s in one speech but for all those who have watched the very theatrical and eye opening movie (if you know where I am taking this), ‘V for Vendetta’, then this is actually a favourite quote for many from the flick. (Laughing) I remember a certain young man, who had a huge crush on me, throw those ‘bars’ on me, along with his witty humour and a lot of rather dark poetry but he was adorable. And cute!
This one day I was sitting in the office, my mind wandering into the wilderness only to get me to the point of getting mad, I mean seething with anger. In a soliloquy I said, “How dare he? Who the hell does he think he is? How dare I let myself be hurt and humiliated by a man nearly his 40s, still living in his father’s house, a glorified ‘has been’ who doesn’t even know how to pronounce Italian cheese? Although there’s a Shona proverb that says, ‘Matakadya kare haanyaradze mwana’ (The past doesn’t silence the hungry child), but I am a diplomat’s (former) daughter, refined, I dined with world leaders and influencers, lived in a house with a marble floor and glass chandeliers and even had an Indian chauffer…bloody hell, I am erudite!” At that moment everybody else around me stared at me with perplexed faces, “Are you going mad?” Well au contraire, I wasn’t going mad but I was mad. Real mad! I was mad at him for not taking responsibility for stringing me along knowing that he wasn’t on the same page of wanting a ‘commitment’ as I was on and even madder at myself for allowing him to condescend how I felt about him and the ‘situationship’.
My single ladies, forget everything that I have shared about money and relationships in the past and listen to me very carefully, “If he likes it…wants it…then you put a ‘V’ on it!”. Don’t even look at me like that; if you have been one of those women who have shamelessly name called any woman who exchanges her body and her time for material things, then we are hypocrites. When I reflected on the amount of time, energy and emotion, actually airtime that I spent to be ‘Mrs X’ and that wasn’t reciprocated in time, affection, attention, kana sweet zvayo, believe me I will never judge any woman who’s getting hers for that. In as much as we learn to cook, clean and be pretty somewhere we need to learn to be ‘housekeepers’, ‘We keep the house if he decides to be a douchebag’, and this quote taken from the esteemed actress Zsa Zsa Gabor, ‘I’m a very good housekeeper. I keep the house after the divorce.’ Oh, she didn’t just say that you say? Oh, yes I did!
There’s nothing worse than being used, or having your heart broken by someone who has not added any value to your life, not even to the last penny. It is said that money (and material things) can’t buy happiness but believe me and Dave Chapelle, it does afford you choices and when you think of all the time of ‘devotion’ that you gave only for it to be thrown back at your face, why not afford yourself choices such as pursuing that engineering degree that you always wanted but couldn’t pursue because you were a stay-at-home mum, or that trip to Zanzibar or Bali because he was always busy or for the time that he beat you up, you reward yourself with bling knuckle rings, (smile), they are worth it!
In one of my favourite quotes by former US first lady, Eleanor Roosevelt, “No one can make you feel inferior without your consent,” I admittedly take my responsibility for consenting to being short changed, manipulated and of course heart broken. In Steve Harvey’s famous relationship go-to book, ‘Act Like A Lady, Think Like A Man’ there’s a chapter where Steve discusses about how men distinguish between the marrying types and the playthings highlighting that a man will treat you the way that you present yourself. My mistake was when I met him; I decided to present a fun-loving, laid-back, go with the flow type of a girl rather than a wholesome woman who needed a protector, a provider, a partner, in short, a husband. I had just turned 25, I had just got my first job since I had my child and had been a stay at home for almost four years, I had goals on my vision board that included starting my own business, studying International Affairs and psychology, being an editor at a prestigious magazine and of course getting married with a list of boxes of qualities to tick. I had been single from the time that I found out I was pregnant and after giving birth I focused my energy entirely on learning to be a good mother, domesticating myself and reconnecting with my spiritual life, in other words I was out of the dating game and was completely clueless. So when I met him through a misguided ‘hook-up’ by so-called friends, I absolutely believed that I had found ‘the One’ but I did not want to seem ‘desperate’ so I played the ‘cool girl’ card-no expectations, just having fun, seeing where things lead, (now when I reflect I wish that I had watched ‘Gone Girl’, then I would not have stooped so low).
So back to the point of realisation whilst I was incensed, I made up my mind that I could not change the past that I regret but I could learn a thing or two from the women, girls, females, who put a ‘V’ on it. There is no female who has one made of platinum (but if you do find her and the fine, rare piece of specimen please do give me a call), but there’s a ‘V’ that she gives it. She raises her standards to ridiculous proportions yet there’s always someone who would do anything to keep her happy. The smart one invests in making sure that there’s a piece of property with deeds in her name, so that when the chips are down her children can have a roof over their head, another will create a business along with the networks that can ‘preserve’ her when things hit the fan and then there’s the one who will make sure that she’s adorned to the tee so that one day like Eva Longoria, she can charm a billionaire (and marry him) when Mr ‘I have my thousands’, or Mr ‘I am a public figure’ or ‘Person of influence’ thinks he can do better than her, (So Tony Parker what do you think about Eva’s new boo thang, and she has a fashion line on top of that?).
I then went home, looked myself in the mirror and said, ‘Me amore, you are intelligent, talented, a rare beauty, loving, passionate and you can have anything in the world,’ and that is the point that I refused to settle for less or accept hand-me downs. I refuse to be wooed like a child, I am a grown woman and demand my respect, if you don’t ask to take me on a decent date don’t ever assume that constant Whatsapp messages with nonsensical sweet nothings and emojis validate a relationship with me. The ‘V’ on it, is the value that you place on your whole being-that’s your time, your affection, your attention, your body and what you are willing to sacrifice. ‘V your V by putting a value on your V because when you V your V then the next person has to V it too, otherwise when you don’t put a V on it you will become a venomous viper.’ Got it! (Gosh, that’s such a stupid quote*laughs*) Putting a ‘V’ on it is not about a list of demands as if you are ordering at a restaurant but getting to the point of being responsible for yourself before you want to hand over those responsibilities to the next person as well as being responsible for them, it is self-love, a genuine love that is not out to prove anything to anybody, it’s about being at peace with your shortcomings however embracing what you are really great at and it’s about having standards. Standards means how you want to be perceived and treated, standards are about not camouflaging yourself for acceptance but instead assertively laying your cards on the table and standards means seeing yourself as the most important person in your life, the one that you cannot live without…ever!
I will not judge anyone who adds their value with material things or money, if that’s what works with your standards, good for you no matter if society then judges by calling it prostitution or gold digging. My point is to bring out the inner goddess in oneself who when others, men see her they come correct and do right by her. Am I still mad like at that moment? No. These days I am like Angela Bassett’s character in ‘How Stella Got Her Groove On’, I have got my groove back, although I am preoccupied with building myself and making money, I am assertive and intuitive, and I now understand my worth with acknowledgement of what I desire most.
So ladies, before you want him to like it and put-a-ring-on-it, you should love it and put a ‘V’ on it because that’s the best jewel that you could give to yourself!
P.S. Always write your own love story!
Ciao!
Lady E
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