You can only experience the flight if you are the pilot of your own plane.
Bonjour, mes amies! Comment allez-vous? To be honest, je suis comme çi, comme ça. I'm turning on my Spotify to play Bob Marley's "Three Little Birds."
Single ladies, pack up your bags, dress up parce que we are going on a trip. Make sure to wear something stylish, warm, and comfortable. You will be served hors d'oeuvres, followed by a meal of your choice paired with wine. A nous allez!
Welcome aboard Recovery Airlines, ladies. We'll be flying at an altitude of forgiveness and landing safely on self-love. On this flight, we are switching gears and getting off autopilot mode. In context, autopilot means moving through life with nonchalance. Moving with a smile on one's face yet numb (and perhaps dead) inside Yes, that's autopilot.
A nous allez!
After sweeping things under the rug for a while, I've come to realise that forgiveness is an essential part of the healing process after a heartbreak. After the initial shock wears off, how do we move on from the hurt and pain and begin to forgive the person who broke our heart?
Again, I'm not going to get into detail about what I've gone through, but between Omarion's 'Icebox' and Chistina Perri's 'Jar of Hearts', there's been an emotional winter storm. As I've been spending more time soul-searching, I've realised that it's time to sit by the fireplace and thaw out the iceberg.
With a show of hands, who's struggled with the issue of forgiveness? I reluctantly raise both hands.
For me, the process of healing after a breakup has been like flying an aeroplane. At first, I was in a state of shock, like the autopilot mode of an aeroplane. I've been going through the motions of my day-to-day life, but I wasn't really present. I've just been trying to survive the pain.
If we are honest with ourselves, after a breakup, we all go through the stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. Depending on our self-introspection and the will to move from bitter to better, we can achieve acceptance, which comes with forgiveness. Forgiveness is often the hardest one to achieve. It feels like flying a plane through turbulence. Forgiveness requires a conscious effort to let go of the past, the hurt, and the anger. But it's necessary for our own well-being.
A colleague of mine tasked me with a timeline. It was agreed that by June, a new narrative and perspective would be made. In short, I'd have healed and moved on. The date was according to the prescribed nine-week grieving period for getting over a heartbreak, according to psychologists. It is stated that those who reflected more on their relationships over a nine-week period have a stronger overall recovery from their breakup or heartbreak. Well, nine weeks isn't enough. Especially if you are dealing with the process without rebounds, minimal or no alcohol, and no distractions. I've been struggling with forgiveness, and it's evidently projecting in my verbatim.
It’s said that it takes 21 days to form a new habit. So unlearning a bad habit should take the same amount of time, right? According to dating and relationship experts, the 'no contact' rule takes a minimum of 60 days to be effective. That's the equivalent of an average of two months. And it includes no texting, no calling, and no interacting on social media. Stalking online or physically and enquiring via mutual friends is also a big "hell no!" No contact. C'est tout!
So how do we get to a place where we don't project Game of Thrones', Daenerys infernal wrath? Remember, hell has no fury like a woman scorned. This question I ask after going through what's considered healthy, mature processes. Again, nine weeks ain't enough.
Back to basics According to the Oxford dictionary, the word 'forgive' is a verb meaning to stop feeling angry with somebody who has done something to harm, annoy, or upset you. In the Bible, the Greek word 'synchoró, translated 'forgiveness, literally means to let go', as when a person does not demand payment for a debt. The most commonly used Bible verse pertaining to the subject of forgiveness is Matthew 6:14–15.
Research states it takes 6 to 8 months to forgive someone who hurts you. It also shows that forgiveness is not only good for our emotional well-being, but it's also good for our physical health. A study by the Journal of Behavioural Medicine found that forgiveness is linked to lower blood pressure, lower stress levels, and better heart health. Forgiveness is indeed a powerful medicine.
To quote writer and poet Maya Angelou, "It's one of the
The greatest gift you can give yourself is to forgive. Forgive everybody."
It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself—to forgive. Forgive everybody. Maya Angelou
In the end, forgiving someone who has hurt us is one of the greatest acts of self-love and self-care we can do. It's not always easy, but it's worth it. So, if you're struggling with forgiveness after a breakup, remember that you're not alone. Take it one day at a time, and know that you have the power to switch gears and take control of your aeroplane.
And on our journey to 'becoming', we want to create a clean slate—space for all things beautiful. Health, wealth, peace of mind, and real love We also don't want to project or bleed onto an innocent love interest. Let Usher's ‘His Mistakes’ be inspiration. In the song, Usher sings about not wanting to be the one to pay for the mistakes of the people who came before him. The opening line goes, "Do I remind you of the pain that he put you through, girl". Usher continues, "Is that the reason that I'm to blame?" It's a reminder that we shouldn't let our past hurts affect our present and future relationships.
Eventually, we have to gain some altitude. We need to start seeing forgiveness as the only way forward. Holding onto anger and resentment only hurts oneself. Besides, the individuals who committed the offence could care less about the amount of hurt and pain that they caused you. Often, they are living the best life. As Sandra Bullock said, "Not everyone who's hurt you cares; forgiveness lets you off the hook." We have to make peace with the fact that those apologies won't come our way. Regardless, we need to forgive that person or those people who broke our hearts if we want to make space for new things and new love.
However, forgiveness is not an easy process. It's not something that can be rushed, forced, or even a one-time event. It's a journey that we have to take every day, one step at a time. We choose forgiveness, not for their sake but for our own.
It's time to turn off the autopilot and take control of our aeroplanes.
As we prepare to land, I encourage all my fellow single ladies to switch gears and forgive. It's been okay to be on autopilot, but now it's time to take control of the plane and land safely in self-love. Thank you for flying with Recovery Airlines, and I hope to see you on board again soon.
Healing begins with forgiveness.
Healing begins with forgiveness.
Here's to continuing with the journey of becoming. Becoming everything that you have dreamed of and more.
Remember, ladies, never look like what you are going through. Chin up.
A prochaine fois!
P.S.: Always write your own love story!
Lady E
Ciao!
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