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I Relate to Candace Young

In life, own who you are and live with yourself.



My younger sister is pissed off at me for stating that I look out for number one - me! To be honest, I am not apologetic for that statement. We have a strobe light relationship, with myself constantly being the villain. I'm at the point that I care little to justify or defend myself. However, we still share a home, so my nonchalant self then participates in passive aggressive behaviour. Look, I am working on it, one toxic behaviour at a time.

The interesting part is that I discovered that I relate to a television character. If you know me by now, I love me some Tyler Perry. Again, many may discredit him due to his role as the 'Madea' character, but the man owns the art of storytelling. Now, I love Tyler Perry movies. The storylines and even acting is so compelling. My challenge though, has been the series.

I often feel as if the acting and dialogue are too slow to the point of bad acting. The storylines and drama are magnetic, I stay glued for hours, however, sometimes the actors' reaction timing is slow. Recently, I decided to binge watch, 'The Haves and Have Nots'. Now don't judge me for taking so long, remember that I have a life that includes other TV series and hustling for 'schmoney'.

From a collection of DVDs I began watching the series from season two. I watched some episodes of season one when the show premiered years ago. I'm not completely off course about the narrative. Written, created, produced and directed by Tyler Perry, 'The Haves and Have Nots' takes place in modern day, Savannah, Georgia. The series centers around three families, two upper class families and a poor family. We have the Cryers, Harrington and Young.

All families are thoroughly dysfunctional with the Cryers and Harringtons proving that 'mo' money, mo' problems'. The Cryers are a rich, white family. Jim Cryer is a judge married to Katherine Cryer. They have two children, Amanda and Wyatt. Jim is an arrogant, skirt chasing asshole  who has two sons with the maid. Katherine is a hardcore and bitter wife. Amanda struggles with mental illness whilst Wyatt is a drug addict.

The Harringtons are a rich, African American family. David Harrington is a loyal to the fault judge. He is married to the arrogant, manipulative Veronica, who is a state attorney. They have a son, timid Jeffrey, who came out to his family. While his father accepts his sexuality, Jeffrey's mother taunts him and forces him into a relationship with a girl, Melissa.

Then we have the humble Youngs. The matriarch, Hannah, is a maid for the Cryers. She has two children, Candace and Benjamin a.k.a Benny.  Hannah is an old school, African American mum, who goes to church and doesn't tolerate nonsense. Candace unfortunately, is absolute nonsense. She is her mother's headache and heartbreak as she is conniving and selfish, to some extent. Benny is the peacemaker. He believes the best in his sister, despite her wayward behaviour. And he is definitely a mama's boy.

In season one, we are introduced to all the characters and their stories. Candace despises her mother's poverty. She is ambitious and aims for a law degree. She becomes an escort to achieve the lifestyle that she has always wanted. She has an affair with Jim Cryer however that relationship goes sour. By season two, there's kidnapping and extortion involved between the two. Candace also befriends Amanda Cryer and is close with Jeffrey Harrington.

Jeffrey is in love with Wyatt Cryer, who is a spoilt, drug addict and douchebag. Still, Jeffrey is supportive of his friend (and love interest) keeping most of Wyatt's dark secrets. Wyatt despises his parents. He hates his father for philandering and sending him to jail. He thinks that his mother is spineless in accepting such behaviour. Amanda commits suicide. In the Harrington household, David is fed up with being emasculated by his wife. Veronica is evil and vindictive, yet very intelligent.

I would love to go through all four seasons that I have watched but my focus is on Candace Young. I just started season five. Addicted to the drama, I find myself picking teams and favourite characters. I am team Katherine all the way. I also like Erica - could learn a thing or two from her.

Despite raising hell, Candace somewhat has a heart. Her affection and intentions are often misguided. Played by the gorgeous, Tika Sumpter, Candace often gets herself into sticky situations that could have her killed. So far, almost every character wants her dead for her schemes. She almost got away with tricking War about the money that she extorted from Jim Cryer. Her spending spree however, got her caught and War wants her blood for deceiving him. In the meantime she will leave her brother, mother and son homeless due to her carelessness with the mortgage. And then, she buried her baby daddy in her backyard. Well, Jeffrey stabbed him to death, she watched him take his last breath and Benny buried the body. Veronica still wants her dead, so does Jim Cryer. Candace's baby daddy, Quincy's uncouth sister wants her to go to jail. Oh my, the drama for this queen.

Now, hold up, I don't relate to Candace on that level. I am too honest for my own liking. I can't scheme or manipulate to earn $7,4 million dollars. I have mad respect for her for that. In turn she bought herself, and Benny a house. She bought her mother a car, and bought a towing company for Benny. She wants her family empowered and uplifted, I get it.

I relate to the character Candace Young in owning her bullshit. Now, in my journey to healing, I started owning my flaws and toxic traits. During a counselling session, I realised that I do have asshole tendencies. In the past, I walked around with a placard of self pity. I was always the victim. As I mentioned in 'I used to be a mean girl', I acknowledge that I too, have been callous to other people, some who didn't deserve it. I am apologising to each individual, one at a time.

Candace looks out for herself. She has to with the way that she operates. Myself, I have had to defend myself ever since my father passed away. I grew up as an outsider and never fit in. I'm considered the 'difficult one' by relatives, including my younger sister. So yes, I tend to work towards fending for myself and protecting myself. I'm constantly called a bad mother, something that Candace and I could possibly share. However, Candace should give her baby to her mother. She acknowledges that her maternal skills are poor, but grandma Hannah has enough love and discipline to raise Quincy Jnr. right. I on the other hand, don't have that luxury. My mama is dead. In the here and now, I don't dream of sending my child away. Not for adoption, not to her father's relatives or anyone else. There's an anger in Candace that pushes her to punish her mother, but her son deserves a loving home. Now like Benny mentioned to his mother, Hannah needs to have unconditional love for Candace. Sometimes, all one needs is someone to have their back. Maybe if Candace felt that her mother supported her instead of constantly disapproving, she wouldn't do half the things that she gets up to. Yes, Candace isn't content with being low class. Neither have I enjoyed scraping for a living. I know what it's like to struggle, to be hungry and even not afford a sanitary towel (pads). You don't need to believe me, but I understand and have felt struggle.

Both Candace and I are ambitious, and we want to be so much more. Neither of us can be content. Part of me wishes that I had her guts to pull off her shenanigans. Hey, a girl's got to eat, wear nice clothes and live in a comfortable home. But my conscience is like that nagging woman who tells you to do, what you know that you should do. Anybody feel me?

No one is born hard! Life experiences, make people hard. When you are rejected, abandoned or lack support, you tend to become self conscious as well as self centred. Despite living in a community, or being part of a family, as long as there's a crack in a support system, one is likely to watch their own back. It hurt Candace when Quincy hit her mother and abused her son.

She feared for he friend Jeffrey when Quincy beat him up. She feared losing Benny on two accounts. First, when he was in a coma and when War threatened to kill him for $2 million. But that isn't appreciated. I have been there. Actually, I am there.

The one philosophy that I have drawn is that when people have negative perceptions of you, it's not worth it trying to prove otherwise. Even when you work towards change and self improvement, they remind you that you are not good enough. You don't need to live up to the negative energy however you do need to distance yourself from it. Keep working on becoming the best version of yourself. Sometimes becoming the true you is a very lonely road. However, there are a few people who accept you in your humanity. They will call you out for your crap but they will also support your journey to being better. They will look out for you and even check up on you. Appreciate that and never take it for granted.

It's imperative to accept yourself as you are, especially your shortcomings. Candace accepts that she is an escort who often swindles rich men. She acknowledges her shortcomings as a mother due to her 'lifestyle'. Will she ever change? I highly doubt it but let's not ignore that she is human. As for myself, I am a work in progress.

So, I will be continuing with this series. I intend to move onto 'The Oval', another Tyler Perry production. I have been hearing rave reviews about the series. Shout out to Tyler Perry, you are goals.

In the meantime, let's proceed with the drama shall we?

Until the next episode...

Look in the mirror and accept that you are who you are and it's okay!

P.S. Always write your own love story!

Lady E

Ciao!

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